You don't need new goals. YOU NEED NEW STANDARDS.

Name: You don't need new goals. YOU NEED NEW STANDARDS.
Uploaded: 2026-01-25T16:01:31.000Z
Duration: 46 min 8 s

Why Raising Your Standards Changes Everything

Introduction to Standards vs. Goals

The speaker emphasizes the importance of setting standards over merely setting goals, stating that standards fundamentally change who you are.

Jels introduces herself and her mission to help women embrace their power and live their best lives, encouraging viewers to subscribe for more content.

She mentions her upcoming course, "Love Alchemy," aimed at teaching women how to embody feminine energy in romantic relationships.

Understanding the Difference Between Goals and Standards

Jels explains that while goals and standards may seem similar, they serve different purposes; goals are aspirational while standards define your identity.

She uses the example of brushing teeth as a daily task done without debate or motivation because it is a standard—non-negotiable behavior reflecting one's identity.

Another example provided is personal presentation; individuals with high standards naturally put effort into their appearance without needing external motivation.

The Impact of Standards on Behavior

Jels transitions to discussing sponsorship from Lineer jewelry, highlighting its quality and affordability as part of maintaining personal standards in aesthetics.

She contrasts common New Year's resolutions like working out with the concept of standards; viewing fitness as a goal leads to hesitation, whereas seeing it as a standard creates commitment.

Identity Formation Through Standards

The speaker asserts that goals feel optional and external, while standards are internalized aspects of one’s identity that dictate acceptable behavior levels.

By establishing higher personal standards, individuals can transform their lives by refusing to accept anything less than what aligns with their true selves.

Understanding the Difference Between Goals and Standards

The Concept of Standards vs. Goals

The speaker emphasizes the distinction between setting a goal (e.g., working out four times a week) and establishing a standard (e.g., not allowing one's body to get out of shape).

A goal is seen as a specific outcome, while a standard reflects one's identity and guiding principles in life.

When standards are set, actions naturally follow from that identity; for example, being confident means refusing to abandon oneself for approval.

Healthy eating becomes part of one’s identity when it is framed as a standard rather than just following meal plans or striving for perfection.

The speaker references James Clear's idea that "you don't rise to your goals, you fall to your standards," highlighting how our defaults guide us during challenging times.

Identity and Consistency

Setting high standards creates an identity that influences decision-making; for instance, if one has a financial standard of earning at least 10K monthly, they will act accordingly.

When falling below this standard (e.g., earning 5K), individuals feel misaligned with their self-image, prompting them to seek solutions to realign with their standards.

This cognitive dissonance drives people to take action because it protects their perceived identity and prevents them from becoming someone they do not want to be.

Personal Standards

The speaker shares personal standards: refusing financial scarcity despite past struggles and maintaining physical health regardless of aging.

They emphasize the importance of self-care routines as non-negotiable aspects of their identity—reflecting commitment rather than mere goals.

Living authentically is highlighted as crucial; the speaker refuses jobs or lifestyles that do not resonate with their true self.

Kindness is presented as another core standard; regardless of external negativity, the speaker commits to being empathetic and thoughtful.

Conclusion on Living by Standards

These personal standards guide daily decisions and behaviors, illustrating how they shape one's life beyond mere aspirations or goals.

Understanding the Power of Standards

The Concept of Non-Negotiables

When something becomes a non-negotiable, individuals find ways to make it happen, as illustrated by the example of needing $2,000 for a dog's surgery.

The mindset shifts when something is deemed essential; there’s no room for doubt or hesitation—action is taken without debate.

Standards vs. Goals

A goal can lead to disappointment if not achieved, while failing to uphold a standard feels like self-betrayal.

The difference between goals and standards is highlighted: one leads to disappointment, while the other invokes disgust at not meeting personal expectations.

Psychological Impact of Standards

Breaking a standard has high costs because it means becoming someone you don’t want to be; maintaining standards protects one's identity.

Unlike goals that require different actions, standards demand a transformation in identity, which aligns with how our brains prioritize self-protection.

Decision Fatigue and Freedom

Establishing standards eliminates decision fatigue; daily negotiations about basic choices are avoided once standards are set.

With clear standards in place, mental energy is conserved for more significant matters rather than spent on trivial decisions.

Personal Experience with Dietary Standards

The speaker shares their journey through health issues that necessitated dietary changes and how setting strict food standards alleviated stress from decision-making.

By deciding not to consume gluten, dairy, or processed sugar, clarity was achieved in dietary choices leading to freedom from overthinking.

Filtering Life Through Standards

Clear standards act as filters for life experiences; anything misaligned with these standards is naturally pushed away.

For instance, having a dating standard helps filter out unsuitable partners without excessive analysis or emotional turmoil.

Nervous System Safety and Consistency

Having clear standards provides consistency and predictability in life which contributes positively to nervous system safety.

How to Set New Standards for Yourself

Understanding the Importance of Standards

Knowing what you will and won't tolerate creates consistency, which signals safety to your nervous system. This clarity helps reduce mental chaos.

Identify areas where you're constantly negotiating with yourself; these are signs that a standard is missing or unclear in your life.

Your internal baseline often dictates your self-sabotage or plateauing; raising this baseline is crucial for real change.

Steps to Create New Standards

Step 1: Identify Negotiation Points

Find places where you repeatedly ask yourself questions, indicating mental friction or guilt—these are starting points for setting new standards.

Step 2: Raise Your Baseline

Decide on a new version of yourself that feels normal; this becomes your default setting.

Real change occurs when you elevate your minimum acceptable standards, moving away from tolerating less than you deserve.

Step 3: Rewrite Goals as Identity Statements

Shift focus from external goals to internal identity statements (e.g., "I am someone who moves my body regularly" instead of "I want to work out more").

When actions align with how you see yourself, it reduces discomfort and misalignment, making it easier to maintain standards without constant motivation.

Step 4: Remove Daily Negotiation

Avoid reopening discussions about whether you'll honor a standard each day; instead, focus on how you'll uphold it given the circumstances.

Treat standards like automatic behaviors (e.g., brushing teeth), eliminating daily debates about commitment.

Final Thoughts on Elevating Standards

Choose one new standard to implement rather than overwhelming yourself with multiple changes at once.

Remember that elevating your standards can lead to significant life changes; it's not just about setting goals but transforming how you view yourself.