How to let go of being a "good" person — and become a better person | Dolly Chugh

The Psychology of Being a Good Person

In this talk, the speaker discusses how our attachment to being seen as a good person can sometimes get in the way of us actually being better people. She explains how our brains rely on shortcuts and how these shortcuts can lead to unconscious biases that affect our decision-making.

Our Attachment to Being a Good Person

• Many of us care deeply about feeling like a good person and being seen as a good person.

• We work hard to protect our identity as a good person, but this attachment may be getting in the way of us becoming better people.

• Our definition of what it means to be a good person is often too narrow and impossible to meet.

Bounded Rationality and Bounded Ethicality

• The human brain relies on shortcuts to process information, which can sometimes lead us astray.

• Bounded ethicality refers to the idea that our decisions are influenced by unconscious biases that we may not even be aware of.

Unconscious Bias

• Unconscious bias refers to associations we have in our mind that may not necessarily line up with our conscious beliefs. These biases can affect who we hire or what jokes we tell, among other things.

Gender and Ethics in Decision Making

The speaker discusses how gender biases can affect decision making, and how people tend to underestimate the impact of small gifts on their ethical decisions. She also introduces the concept of "bounded ethicality" and suggests setting a higher standard for being a good-ish person.

Gender Biases in Decision Making

• Most people associate men with science more quickly than women.

• These associations don't always align with conscious beliefs.

• Conflicts of interest can affect decision making more than people realize.

Bounded Ethicality

• Small gifts can unconsciously influence decision making.

• People tend to explain away mistakes rather than learning from them.

• Tendency towards mistakes depends on how close we are to our "good person identity."

• We may overestimate the importance of our inner compass in ethical decisions.

Setting a Higher Standard

• Being a good-ish person means accepting that we will make mistakes.

• Good-ish people try to learn from their mistakes and understand the costs they have on others.

• Good-ish people become better at noticing their own mistakes.

Allowing Ourselves to Grow

In this section, the speaker talks about how we should allow ourselves to be vulnerable and give ourselves room to grow in every aspect of our lives.

Giving Ourselves Room to Grow

• The speaker emphasizes that vulnerability is necessary for growth.

• We should allow ourselves to get better and see progress in every aspect of our lives.

• However, we often don't give ourselves room to grow when it comes to matters that matter most.

Conclusion

• The speaker concludes by thanking the audience.