A Toolkit for Confidence: How to Build UNSHAKABLE Self Confidence | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Name: A Toolkit for Confidence: How to Build UNSHAKABLE Self Confidence | The Mel Robbins Podcast
Uploaded: 2023-03-06T10:00:36.000Z
Duration: 1 h 50 min 14 s

The Importance of Confidence

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses the significance of confidence and how it can impact various aspects of our lives, such as career success and personal influence.

Building Confidence

Confidence leads to better job opportunities, higher pay, and increased admiration from others.

It allows us to be listened to with more intention and have greater influence.

Listener Question on Confidence

Mel Robbins addresses a listener's question about gaining confidence in the workplace when feeling unsure about one's abilities.

Addressing Self-Doubt

The listener asks for actionable steps to gain confidence in a role that has expanded.

Mel emphasizes the importance of recognizing self-doubt as "BS" (false beliefs).

She assures the listener that confidence can be developed through specific tools and actions.

Mel Robbins' Expertise on Confidence

Mel Robbins shares her background in researching and teaching confidence, highlighting her work on projects like "Work It Out" for Audible and the popular LinkedIn course "The Science of Confidence."

Extensive Research on Confidence

Mel has spent years researching confidence and teaching it based on decades of research.

Her work includes projects like "Work It Out" for Audible, focusing on women in the workplace.

She created and teaches "The Science of Confidence" course for LinkedIn.

Mel's Personal Journey with Confidence

Mel Robbins reflects on her own journey with confidence, including public speaking engagements, virtual events, and being comfortable in high-pressure situations.

Developing Personal Confidence

People often ask Mel how she became so confident.

She shares her experiences of giving speeches in arenas and appearing on live TV.

Mel emphasizes that she not only understands the topic of confidence but has also learned to embody it.

Understanding Confidence and Tools for Building It

Mel Robbins introduces the concept of confidence, debunking common myths, and outlines five specific tools for building confidence.

The Truth About Confidence

Confidence is not what most people think it is.

Mel promises to share a big takeaway about confidence shortly.

Five Tools for Building Confidence

There are five specific tools grounded in research that can be used to build confidence.

These tools are essential for breaking through self-doubt and developing inner confidence.

The Impact of Confidence

Mel Robbins explains how building confidence can lead to taking greater risks, being an effective negotiator, and reclaiming personal power.

Benefits of Confidence

Building confidence leads to taking greater risks, which is crucial for success in business and life.

It enables saying no without being bothered by others' opinions.

Being confident makes one an excellent negotiator who values respect over being liked.

Empowering Yourself with Confidence

Mel Robbins encourages listeners to bring back their internal power by developing the skill of confidence. She highlights the ability to overcome fear and make choices without letting fear hold them back.

Reclaiming Personal Power

Developing the skill of confidence empowers individuals internally.

It helps recognize when fear is holding them back unnecessarily.

The skill of confidence allows making choices without letting fear stop them.

Timestamps may vary slightly depending on the source video.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses the concept of confidence and how it is often misunderstood. The importance of tactical information for developing confidence is highlighted.

Definition of Confidence

Confidence is often misunderstood as a feeling, but it is actually embodied in action.

The definition of confidence provided by the speaker is "confidence is the willingness to try."

Research shows that confidence is an action and not just a feeling.

Importance of Tactical Information

Many people struggle with developing confidence because research on the topic has not been translated into practical advice.

The lack of tactical information makes it difficult for individuals to apply confidence-building strategies in their daily lives.

The speaker emphasizes the need for actionable guidance to help people develop the skill of confidence.

New Section

In this section, the speaker introduces an assignment for listeners to actively engage with the podcast. The importance of being selfish while listening and considering personal benefits from increased confidence is discussed.

Assignment: Be Selfish as You Listen

Listeners are encouraged to listen in a particular way - thinking about what's in it for them.

The assignment involves considering how having more confidence would positively impact one's life.

Examples are given, such as being able to say no, setting boundaries, taking risks, and advocating for oneself.

New Section

In this section, the speaker provides her unique definition of confidence and explains how it differs from common misconceptions. The concept of confidence as an action rather than a feeling is emphasized.

Definition of Confidence: Confidence as an Action

Confidence is defined by the speaker as "the willingness to try."

It is highlighted that many people mistakenly believe that confidence should be based on feelings or emotions.

Research supports that true confidence is embodied in action and the willingness to take risks.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses the positive feedback loop created when one is willing to try new things. The concept of a confidence competence loop is introduced.

Confidence Competence Loop

When individuals are willing to try something new, they either succeed or fail but always learn something.

Trying new things leads to gaining competency and makes subsequent attempts easier.

The more one tries and learns, the less self-doubt and resistance they experience, leading to increased confidence.

New Section

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of being willing to try as a key factor in personal growth and building confidence. The benefits of continuous learning through trying are highlighted.

Willingness to Try for Personal Growth

Being someone who is always willing to try leads to continuous growth and learning.

Trying new things helps overcome self-doubt and resistance, ultimately leading to increased confidence.

Continuous learning through trying enables individuals to achieve their goals and feel confident in various areas of life.

The Skill of Confidence

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses the importance of confidence and how it begins with being willing to try new things. She shares personal examples and emphasizes that everyone starts at zero when learning a new skill.

Building True Confidence

True confidence begins the moment you're willing to try something new, even if you feel unsure or inexperienced.

Mel gives an example of using chopsticks for the first time and highlights the difference between saying "Sure, hand me the chopsticks, I'd love to try" versus asking for a fork because you don't know how to use them.

Confidence is not about already knowing how to do something; it's about being willing to learn and be a beginner first.

Starting from Zero

Everyone starts at zero when learning a new skill or pursuing a goal.

Mel shares her own journey of building confidence over 10 years by trying, failing, and learning from her mistakes.

Whether it's learning guitar, building a social media following, writing a book, or starting a podcast, everyone begins with no experience or competency in that area.

The Skill of Confidence

The skill of confidence is developed through trying and being willing to make mistakes.

Mel emphasizes that she started her TEDx talk with almost 30 million views as her first official speech ever given. She describes it as a 21-minute long panic attack but highlights that she was willing to try despite her fear of public speaking.

Confidence is built by showing up every day, trying, learning from failures, and putting in the work. Competency eventually catches up with consistent effort.

Embracing New Roles

Starting in a new role can be intimidating because you may feel like you have no idea what you're doing.

However, if you're willing to try and make mistakes, you can build confidence and gain competence over time.

Mel shares her own experiences of stepping into new roles, such as becoming an on-air commentator for CNN, despite the fear of saying something stupid or turning bright red.

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses her fear of public speaking and how she overcame it. She shares personal stories and highlights the importance of being willing to try in order to build confidence.

Fear of Public Speaking

Mel admits that she was terrified of public speaking throughout her life.

She recalls getting called on in class and immediately turning bright red with a blank mind.

Even as a new attorney working in courtrooms, she experienced extreme nervousness and developed neck rashes as a result.

The First Official Speech

Mel's first official speech was her TEDx talk titled "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over," which has gained almost 30 million views.

She describes the 21-minute long talk as a panic attack but emphasizes that she was willing to try despite her fear.

This experience marked the beginning of her journey towards building confidence in public speaking.

Embracing Confidence

Despite facing challenges like turning bright red or worrying about saying something stupid, Mel embraced opportunities to speak publicly because she understood the skill of confidence.

By being willing to try and make mistakes, she built confidence over time and became more comfortable with public speaking.

Conclusion

Mel Robbins emphasizes that true confidence begins with being willing to try new things, even if you feel unsure or inexperienced. Everyone starts at zero when learning a new skill or pursuing a goal. The skill of confidence is developed through trying, making mistakes, learning from failures, and consistently putting in the work. By embracing new roles and opportunities, overcoming fears like public speaking becomes possible.

Building Confidence and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses the process of building confidence and overcoming imposter syndrome. She emphasizes the importance of starting from scratch and continuously showing up despite doubts and fears.

The Process of Building Confidence

Building confidence is about developing competency in a particular skill or area.

It is not about feeling more confident but rather becoming proficient to the point where it feels effortless.

By consistently showing up and trying, even in the face of doubt and discomfort, one can gain competency and overcome nerves.

Mel Robbins shares her personal journey from being terrified of public speaking to becoming a highly respected public speaker through practice and persistence.

Embracing Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a common experience when trying something new or stepping out of one's comfort zone.

Instead of fearing imposter syndrome, it should be seen as an indication that growth is happening.

Facing uncomfortable situations is necessary for personal growth and discovering one's true potential.

Myths About Confidence

In this section, Mel Robbins addresses three common myths about confidence. She explains that confident people are not necessarily the loudest or most extroverted individuals in the room.

Myth #1: Confident People are Extroverts

Confident people are often quiet individuals who have built their skills without needing to prove themselves through excessive talking or swagger.

Confidence is not dependent on personality traits but rather on the willingness to try new things.

Myth #2: Confident People Don't Experience Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is actually a positive sign that someone is trying something new and learning along the way.

Embracing imposter syndrome allows for growth, learning, and gaining competency.

Myth #3: Confident People Are Always High Achievers

Confidence is not limited to high achievers or those with a certain level of success.

Building confidence is about being willing to try and showing up authentically, regardless of external achievements.

The Importance of Confidence for Introverts

In this section, Mel Robbins addresses the misconception that introverts cannot be confident. She encourages individuals to embrace their introversion while still striving for visibility and contributing their ideas.

Introversion and Confidence

Being introverted does not mean lacking confidence; it simply means having a preference for quieter environments.

Confident people can be introverted and still make valuable contributions by sharing their ideas and being visible in their own way.

Embracing Your Introversion

It's important to be honest with oneself about personal preferences and goals.

By understanding how increased confidence would change one's behavior, individuals can push themselves to try new things and build competency in areas they may currently avoid due to discomfort.

The transcript provided did not include further sections or timestamps beyond this point.

Confidence and Taking Action

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses the myths about confidence and emphasizes the importance of taking action to build confidence. She also introduces the concept of the five-second rule as a tool for overcoming self-doubt and taking action.

Confidence Myths

Confidence requires stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things you've never done before. It can be intimidating, especially for introverts.

Losing confidence is a misconception. Confidence is not lost; it's blocked when you stop trying.

Being around high achievers doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. The only difference is their willingness to try.

Building Confidence through Action

Tool #1: Take action. Confidence is built by trying new things and taking action.

Use the five-second rule: Count backwards from 5 to 1, then physically move within 5 seconds to interrupt self-doubt.

The prefrontal cortex gets involved when you use the five-second rule, helping you focus, interrupt negative thoughts, and take action.

Tap into courage before feeling confident. Be willing to try even if it feels uncomfortable or challenging.

Five Simple Tools for Building Confidence

Mel Robbins introduces five simple tools based on science that can help in building confidence.

Tool #1: Take Action

Taking action is crucial for building confidence.

Use the five-second rule (counting backwards from 5 to 1) to interrupt self-doubt and engage your prefrontal cortex for strategic thinking and courage.

Tool #2: Challenge Negative Thoughts

Identify negative thoughts that hold you back from being confident.

Challenge those thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations.

Tool #3: Embrace Failure as Learning

Embrace failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Recognize that failure is a natural part of the learning process and not a reflection of your worth or abilities.

Tool #4: Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements along the way.

Recognize your progress and build confidence by focusing on what you have accomplished.

Tool #5: Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support your goals.

Seek out mentors, friends, or communities that provide encouragement and positive reinforcement.

Conclusion

Mel Robbins concludes the discussion on building confidence by emphasizing the importance of taking action, challenging negative thoughts, embracing failure as learning, celebrating small wins, and surrounding oneself with supportive people.

Taking Action vs. Thinking

The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking action rather than just thinking about what one wants to do. He encourages the listener to find the courage to take action and unlock their potential.

Taking Action is Key

There are two types of people: those who think about what they want to do and those who find the courage to take action.

Merely thinking about something will not lead to change or build confidence.

It is through repeated actions that one can unlock their potential and become the person they are meant to be.

Overcoming Fear and Doubt

The speaker discusses how fear, doubt, and insecurity can hinder progress. He encourages the listener to tap into their greatness by taking action and not letting fear hold them back.

Don't Let Fear Hold You Back

Thinking alone cannot overcome fears and anxieties.

Confidence is built by taking risks, putting oneself out there, and betting on oneself.

Stop overthinking and start trying; take risks and embrace challenges.

Changing Your Life Through Action

The speaker shares his personal experience of how taking action has transformed his life. He emphasizes the importance of continuous action in changing one's life.

Continuous Action for Change

Changing your life requires consistent action over time.

Building confidence comes from repeatedly taking action, even in the face of fear or doubt.

By pushing oneself outside of comfort zones, it is possible to create a fulfilling life.

Rule #2: Tackling Personal Trembles

The speaker introduces rule number two, which focuses on addressing personal fears or trembles. He encourages self-reflection on what more confidence would allow the listener to do differently.

Addressing Personal Fears

Identify the areas where more confidence would make a difference in your life.

Examples include speaking up at work, launching a business, improving health, or getting back into dating.

Recognize that even with increased confidence, some nervousness may still be present.

Using Objectivity and Alter Egos

The speaker suggests using objectivity and creating alter egos as tools to overcome self-doubt. He shares a study about letting go of self-doubt and encourages the listener to tap into their alter ego for added confidence.

Harnessing Objectivity and Alter Egos

Use objectivity by imagining yourself as the person you want to become or create an alter ego.

Creating an alter ego can provide distance from self-doubt and fear.

Examples given include thinking about what "The Rock" or the speaker himself would do in challenging situations.

Acting Like Your Future Self

The speaker discusses how acting like the person you want to become in the future can help build confidence. He references behavioral activation therapy research and emphasizes the power of trying.

Acting Like Your Future Self

Behavioral activation therapy suggests that acting like your future self is one of the fastest ways to change your mindset and develop new habits.

By acting like your future self today, you are actively trying to embody that version of yourself.

Examples given include imagining being a successful professional or high achiever in a classroom setting.

Preparing for Confidence

The speaker highlights the importance of preparation in building confidence. He explains how practice and rehearsal can lower stress levels and increase confidence.

The Power of Preparation

Practice and preparation are key to building confidence.

Rehearsing and running through scenarios can help lower stress levels.

Practice does not make perfect, but it prepares the mind and nervous system for what is to come.

Confidence Through Trying

The speaker emphasizes that confidence comes from trying. He encourages the listener to prove their confidence by preparing and practicing.

Proving Confidence Through Trying

Confidence is demonstrated through action and trying.

Building confidence requires continuous effort, just like how the Williams sisters practiced hitting balls repeatedly before entering tournaments.

Prepare, practice, and try in order to build confidence.

Acting Like Your Future Self (Continued)

The speaker continues discussing the concept of acting like your future self. He provides examples of how this approach can be applied in different situations.

Applying the Concept of Acting Like Your Future Self

Acting like your future self today helps bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to become.

Examples given include imagining being a successful professional or high achiever in various contexts.

This approach aligns with research on behavioral activation therapy.

Another Tool: Prepare

The speaker introduces another tool for building confidence: preparation. He explains how practice and preparation contribute to increased confidence.

The Role of Preparation in Building Confidence

Preparation plays a crucial role in building confidence.

Practicing something repeatedly helps train the mind and nervous system, reducing stress levels.

Practice prepares you for success rather than aiming for perfection.

Confidence Defined: Willingness to Try

The speaker reiterates that confidence is defined as the willingness to try. He emphasizes that practice and preparation are key components of confidence.

Confidence Defined by Willingness to Try

Confidence is not about being perfect but about having the courage to try.

Practice and preparation contribute to building confidence.

The definition of confidence aligns with the concept of trying and taking action.

Timestamps may vary slightly depending on the source video.

New Section

This section discusses the importance of trying and preparing for future opportunities, even if failure is a possibility.

Mindset Reframe

Trying and practicing can lead to feeling calmer and more assured.

Everything you do in life is preparing you for something that hasn't happened yet.

True confidence is forged through failures and learning from them.

New Section

This section emphasizes the value of failures and heartbreaks as important lessons in life.

Lessons from Failures

Failures and hardships can provide valuable lessons, skills, and wisdom.

Scary moments or difficult experiences often lead to personal growth.

Reflecting on past failures can reveal the lessons learned from them.

New Section

This section explores the motivation behind taking risks and trying new things in life.

Pursuing Life's Opportunities

The desire to experience as much as possible drives the willingness to take risks.

Avoiding regrets by seizing opportunities and following curiosity.

Embracing failure, looking stupid, and learning from mistakes are part of the journey.

New Section

This section introduces a mindset shift regarding failure, heartbreak, and challenges.

Reframing Failure

Viewing failure as something that stays by your side rather than an obstacle that stops progress.

Failure becomes a stepping stone towards personal growth and moving forward.

New Section

This section emphasizes self-motivation as a key factor in building confidence.

Focus on Yourself

Taking responsibility for your own motivation and pep talks.

Nobody else will try or motivate you like you can motivate yourself.

Focusing on Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

In this section, Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and personal growth. She encourages listeners to stop comparing themselves to others and instead focus on their own journey.

Learning to Prioritize Yourself

Stop looking at what others are doing and start focusing on yourself.

Spend time reflecting on who you are and how you can improve.

Recognize that you are the one person you will spend your whole life with.

The Impact of Social Media on Self-Growth

A listener named Skye asks about the influence of social media, especially for Generation Z.

Skye shares her experience of removing social media during a difficult time.

Mel acknowledges Skye's self-awareness in recognizing the negative impact of social media.

Understanding Social Media Influence

Mel explains that social media is neither inherently good nor bad; its impact depends on how it is used.

Many people mindlessly give away their attention, affecting their mental health and goals.

Curate intentionally by following accounts aligned with your goals and desired feelings.

Breaking Free from Negative Influences

Delete accounts that make you feel bad about yourself or create self-doubt.

Avoid content that promotes comparison, self-sabotage, or a loser mentality.

Focus on accounts that inspire, uplift, entertain, and align with your aspirations.

Overcoming Confidence Challenges

Consuming negative content decreases confidence and willingness to try.

Remember that much of what is seen on social media is fake or exaggerated.

Use social media authentically without filters or worrying about appearances.

Taking Control of Your Mindset

In this section, Mel Robbins discusses the importance of mindset control when it comes to confidence and personal growth. She encourages listeners to be intentional about what they allow into their minds.

The Power of Mindset

Your mindset plays a crucial role in your confidence, happiness, and success.

Be aware of the content you consume and its impact on your thoughts and beliefs.

Deleting Negative Influences

Delete accounts that make you feel bad or trigger self-doubt.

Only follow people, accounts, and content that uplift, inspire, and align with your goals.

Being Authentic on Social Media

Use social media as a platform to express yourself without filters or seeking validation.

Avoid getting caught up in appearances or trying to fit societal expectations.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

Much of our self-doubt stems from comparing ourselves to others on social media.

Focus on your own journey and goals instead of feeling like you're losing a race that doesn't exist.

Taking Social Media Seriously

In this section, Mel Robbins emphasizes the importance of taking social media seriously by being intentional about what we consume and share. She encourages listeners to prioritize their mental health and well-being.

Curating Your Social Media Feed

Delete accounts that don't align with your goals or make you feel bad about yourself.

Follow accounts that inspire, motivate, entertain, and contribute positively to your life.

The Impact of Attention

Understand that your attention is valuable; don't mindlessly give it away.

Be mindful of where you direct your attention on social media.

Reflecting on Your Own Posts

Consider whether what you post creates self-doubt or supports authenticity.

Use social media as a tool for self-expression without seeking external validation.

Embracing Self-Acceptance

Overcome self-doubt by embracing who you are and being comfortable with yourself.

Spend less time worrying about appearances and more time enjoying life.

The transcript provided is in English, so the notes are also written in English.

The Benefits of Disconnecting from Social Media

In this section, the speaker discusses the positive impact of disconnecting from social media and setting boundaries with its usage.

Disconnecting for a Better Experience

Disconnecting from social media during activities like attending a camp can make individuals feel better about themselves.

Setting good boundaries with social media can lead to improved well-being.

Using Social Media for Personal Growth

Social media itself is neither inherently good nor bad; it depends on how we use it.

By getting serious about our goals and desired emotions, social media can be a valuable tool in achieving them.

Examples of people who inspire us on social media can encourage us to try bigger things.

Positive accounts on social media remind us that we are capable of more than our current circumstances.

Building Confidence and Overcoming Challenges

Confidence is a skill that can be developed and maintained.

Difficulties and setbacks are inevitable, but they provide opportunities for growth.

Getting up every day, learning from failures, and believing in personal progress leads to increased confidence.

Practicing resilience and perseverance helps build confidence.

Encouragement and Support

The speaker expresses love, belief, and support for the listeners' ability to face their fears and tap into their inner power.

Each individual has the potential to create an extraordinary life aligned with their desires.

Conclusion and Legal Disclaimer

In this final section, the speaker concludes the talk by expressing gratitude to the audience. A legal disclaimer is also provided.

Gratitude and Farewell

The speaker thanks the audience for being present and encourages them to subscribe for future content.

Appreciation is expressed for sharing the content with friends and family.

Legal Disclaimer

The podcast is presented for educational and entertainment purposes only.

It is not intended to replace professional advice from physicians, coaches, psychotherapists, or other qualified professionals.

Timestamps for the music portions of the transcript have been excluded as they do not contain relevant content.