How to Communicate Assertively 4 Tips
How to Communicate Assertively
Understanding Assertive Communication
- The video addresses the challenge of communicating assertively, a topic that has garnered significant interest over the years. It will compare assertive communication with other styles and provide four practical tips for improvement.
- A free PDF resource is offered, detailing five essential communication skills for professionals, which can be accessed via a link in the video description.
Types of Communication Styles
Passive Communication
- Passive communicators avoid expressing their thoughts and feelings, leading to unmet needs since others cannot read their minds. They often accept others' positions without voicing their own.
- Common driving forces behind passive communication include fear, conflict avoidance, and lack of confidence.
Aggressive Communication
- Aggressive communicators dominate conversations through blaming and attacking language. They often use phrases like "it's all your fault" and exhibit controlling behavior.
- An example is given of an aggressive communicator who interrupts others and uses frustrated tones while gesturing wildly, creating an intimidating atmosphere.
Assertive Communication
- Assertive communication is characterized by directness and respect for others' opinions. It emphasizes mutual respect as a core value.
- Instead of using accusatory "you" language typical in aggressive communication, assertive communicators employ "I" statements to express concerns without silencing others (e.g., "I'm concerned about the delay").
Passive-Aggressive Communication
- This style involves indirect expression of anger or frustration. Passive-aggressive communicators may use sarcasm or grumble instead of addressing issues directly.
- Such individuals might appear agreeable but convey discontent through tone or gossip rather than open dialogue.
Why Choose Assertive Communication?
- Assertive communication allows for clear expression without emotional distractions, making it easier for listeners to understand the message being conveyed.
- By avoiding aggressive or passive-aggressive styles, assertive communicators ensure that their true messages are heard without confusion caused by poor delivery methods.
Tips for Communicating More Assertively
Preparation and Composure
- Before engaging in important conversations, ensure you are calm and composed; unresolved negative emotions can undermine effective communication. Waiting 24 hours before discussing sensitive topics can help maintain composure.
Drafting Your Message
- Draft your message multiple times to refine it. Reading it aloud privately helps identify emotional edges that need smoothing out before delivering it in conversation.
Practicing Delivery
Effective Communication Strategies
Focusing on Your Part of the Conversation
- Emphasize your own message rather than trying to control the outcome or the other person's response. Avoid overthinking interactions like a "conversational chess game."
- Recognize that control issues often lead to communication problems; aggressive communication seeks to dominate, while passive-aggressive behavior stems from feeling powerless.
The Importance of "I" Language
- Use "I" language to express your thoughts and feelings, which helps in framing your perspective without blaming others.
- Instead of accusatory statements (e.g., "You're giving me too much work"), rephrase them using "I" (e.g., "I'm feeling overwhelmed by my workload") to foster understanding and reduce defensiveness.
- Be cautious not to slip into blame; ensure that your message remains focused on your feelings without introducing any "you" language.
Listening as a Key Communication Skill
- After expressing yourself, practice active listening. This includes maintaining eye contact and showing supportive facial expressions while allowing the other person space to share their thoughts.
- Good listening demonstrates mutual respect and can encourage reciprocity in communication. It is both a professional skill and a sign of class.
Patience in Listening
- Resist the urge to react immediately after hearing something; take time to digest their point before responding. This approach allows for more thoughtful and assertive replies.
Self-Evaluation of Communication Skills