My year of saying yes to everything | Shonda Rhimes

The Power of Saying Yes

Embracing Fear and Change

• The speaker embarked on a year-long experiment to say "yes" to everything that scared them, pushing beyond their comfort zone.

• This commitment led to the surprising outcome of diminishing fears, particularly in public speaking and social situations.

• A pivotal moment occurred when the speaker's toddler asked to play, prompting a vow to always say yes to their children's requests for playtime.

• This practice not only transformed family dynamics but also had unexpected professional benefits.

Career Insights and Responsibilities

• The speaker describes their job as a writer and executive producer, emphasizing the scale of their work in television production.

• They are responsible for creating 70 hours of programming across multiple shows, highlighting the economic impact with budgets ranging from $3 million to $6 million per episode.

• The extensive reach of their shows is noted, airing globally in 256 territories and reaching an audience of 30 million people.

The Nature of Work

• The speaker clarifies that having a "dream job" involves hard work rather than just creative dreaming; it requires significant effort and dedication.

• They express love for their work, likening it to building something substantial from nothing—comparing it to various forms of art and expression.

Discovering the 'Hum'

• A unique sensation described as "the hum" emerges during productive periods; it's characterized by creativity and energy that drives them forward.

• This hum transcends mere writing; it encompasses collaboration and action within the television industry, providing a rush akin to music or light.

Striving for Greatness

• The speaker acknowledges that this drive can stem from various motivations: passion for work, fear of failure, or even ego.

• As success grows, so do expectations and responsibilities; this creates an ongoing cycle where more work leads to greater demands.

The Journey from Burnout to Rediscovering Joy

The Hum and Its Absence

• The speaker reflects on the concept of "the hum," representing a sense of purpose and fulfillment, which has now stopped due to burnout.

• Describes her daughters as "baby titans," highlighting their awareness of her identity as a hardworking single mother, while she struggles with the loss of her passion for work.

• Despite maintaining a busy schedule with multiple television programs, she feels an internal silence instead of the expected vibrancy associated with being a "titan."

• Questions her identity when the joy in her work fades, pondering what remains when one’s passion turns into mere obligation.

• Emphasizes that everyone who loves their work or relationships experiences this existential crisis when their source of joy diminishes.

Confronting Change and Embracing Play

• A moment with her toddler prompts reflection on personal changes; she realizes how much she's missed in life while being consumed by work.

• Chooses to engage in play despite initial reluctance, recognizing its importance amidst feelings of loss and disconnection from herself.

• Through playful interactions with her children, she finds peace and simplicity that contrasts sharply with her previous hectic lifestyle.

• Highlights the transformative power of play as it brings back a faint sense of "hum"—a reminder that joy can exist outside professional achievements.

• Acknowledges that play is essential for happiness; it allows for moments where nothing else matters but connection and presence.

Rediscovering Love as the True Hum

• Begins to feel a subtle return of "hum," realizing it's rooted not in work but in love and connection with family.

• Distinguishes between superficial accomplishments (work-related hum) and deeper emotional fulfillment (love-specific hum).

• Defines true "hum" as joy derived from life's simple pleasures rather than societal expectations or professional success.

• Suggests that divine inspiration may have misled her into equating worthiness solely with productivity; emphasizes love's central role instead.

• Establishes a firm rule to say yes whenever asked to play by her children, aiming to combat guilt associated with prioritizing work over family time.

The Challenge of Balancing Work and Play

• Admits difficulty in embracing playfulness compared to working; acknowledges personal issues related to prioritizing career over home life.

• Shares experiences playing outdoors with children, feeling out-of-place yet gradually absorbing lessons about living fully through their innocence.

The Importance of Play in Parenting and Life

The Value of 15 Minutes

• The speaker emphasizes that even a short amount of time, like 15 minutes, can be significant for engaging with children. They humorously note that kids quickly lose interest after this duration.

• The speaker reflects on their experience with their children, stating that if they can get a teenager to engage for 15 minutes, it feels like a major achievement.

Uninterrupted Time is Key

• Emphasizing the need for uninterrupted time, the speaker acknowledges the challenges of daily life but insists that dedicating just 15 minutes without distractions is achievable.

• The focus shifts from playing with children to finding personal joy through play. This includes activities like seeing friends or reading books.

Rediscovering Joy Through Play

• The speaker discusses how taking time away from work allows them to reconnect with their creative side and rediscover joy in life.

• They describe an awakening where ideas flow freely after allowing themselves moments of play and rest.

Balancing Work and Personal Fulfillment

• The speaker expresses gratitude for realizing that while work is part of them, it does not define them entirely. They embrace other aspects of life such as family and friendships.

• By prioritizing play over excessive work commitments, they find happiness both personally and as a parent.

The Ripple Effect of Playfulness

• Engaging in playful activities enhances feelings of being a good mother and contributes positively to mental well-being.