3 ways to practice civility | Steven Petrow

Understanding Civility in Modern Discourse

Introduction to the Speaker's Background

• The speaker has over 20 years of experience writing about manners and civility as a book author and magazine columnist.

• Friends are cautious about inviting the speaker to dinner due to their tendency to observe and critique social faux pas.

Personal Anecdote: A Dinner Party Experience

• The speaker recalls a dinner party in 2015 during Caitlyn Jenner's transition, highlighting the significance of names and pronouns in identity.

• During the dinner, a host expressed disdain for using Jenner's new name and pronouns, leading to a tense discussion that ended with years of silence between them.

Defining Civility

• The term "Civilist" is introduced, referring to someone striving to live by a moral code and contribute positively as a citizen.

• Civility originally meant citizens willing to sacrifice for the common good; however, this definition has evolved.

Problems with Modern Civility

Obsolescence and Misinterpretation

• Civility is viewed as an obsolete concept today.

• It has become synonymous with decorum or formal politeness rather than genuine citizenship.

Political Perspectives on Civility

Right-Wing Perspective

• Some on the right equate calls for civility with political correctness, likening it to Orwell’s "newspeak," which aims to control language and thought.

• A notable response from an audience member criticized political correctness as a means for liberals to dominate discourse.

Left-Wing Perspective

• Individuals on the left have also faced criticism regarding civility; instances include harassment of Trump administration officials supporting controversial policies.

• Even traditionally left-aligned media outlets like the Washington Post have called for decorum after incidents involving protests against government officials.

Historical Context of Civil Discourse

• Reflecting on historical movements such as women's suffrage and civil rights led by figures like Martin Luther King Jr., who were labeled uncivil while advocating for justice highlights why civility can be problematic today.

Engaging Respectfully in Democracy

Importance of Dialogue

• Disagreement should not be avoided; instead, respectful engagement is essential in democracy.

• Dr. Carolyn Lukensmeyer emphasizes that civility involves discussing differences respectfully rather than avoiding them altogether.

Boundaries of Civil Discourse

The Impact of Hate Speech and the Need for Civility

Personal Experiences with Hate Speech

• The speaker recounts a personal experience related to hate speech, referencing Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's accusations against Brett Kavanaugh, which led to a hostile response including threats.

• A specific message received was filled with vulgar language and explicit threats, prompting the speaker's editors to alert authorities due to safety concerns.

• This incident occurred in a tense atmosphere following violent attacks on media outlets, highlighting the dangers faced by journalists.

• The speaker describes being stalked online by an individual who escalated from light comments to direct threats against their life.

• Following this escalation, the speaker took measures for personal safety, illustrating the real-world consequences of incivility.

Strategies for Promoting Civility

• To combat rising hostility, the speaker advocates for de-escalating language and avoiding incendiary terms that provoke strong reactions.

• Citing John McCain as an example, they emphasize challenging ideas without resorting to personal attacks as a model for civil discourse.

Global Context of Incivility

• The issue of civility is not confined to America; similar concerns are emerging in other countries like the Netherlands where "verhuftering" (bullying and loss of manners) is being discussed.

• In the UK, divisive rhetoric surrounding Brexit has further polarized society, demonstrating how language can deepen societal rifts.

The Importance of Kindness in Everyday Interactions

• A personal anecdote about sharing pastries illustrates how small acts of kindness can foster unexpected connections between individuals from different backgrounds.

• This moment led to a friendship that transcended differences, showcasing the potential benefits of civility in everyday life.

The Call for Rules Governing Civil Discourse

• The speaker argues for establishing guidelines akin to a "Geneva Convention of civility" to govern public discourse and promote respectful interactions among citizens.