What you don't know about questions | Pia Lauritzen | TEDxFrederiksberg

Introduction

This is an introduction to the speaker and the topic of the talk.

• The speaker introduces his mother-in-law as a caring person who occasionally asks well-intended questions.

• He highlights that people tend to behave similarly when faced with bigger problems in the world.

• The speaker reveals that he has spent his entire adult life wondering why people don't listen to each other's experiences, insights, and ideas.

• He announces that he has figured out the secret behind this problem and it comes down to one thing - the power of questions.

The Power of Questions

This section discusses how questions have the power to connect people with each other and their shared world.

• Questions connect the person asking and answering with the subject matter of the question.

• Questions can help solve problems by connecting people with information they need.

• Questions can also separate people by creating a feeling of separation between those asking and answering.

• Separation caused by questions makes communication difficult, leading to problems behind every problem involving human beings.

Example

This section provides an example of how questions can create separation between individuals.

• The speaker shows a picture of his son Rasmus at 13 years old who was not much of a talker at that age.

• Asking Rasmus "How was school today?" created separation because it was too broad and didn't show interest in Rasmus' specific experiences or feelings.

• Instead, asking more specific questions like "What did you learn in math class today?" would have shown interest in Rasmus' experiences and helped him open up more.

Conclusion

This section concludes the talk and summarizes the main points.

• The power of questions can connect people with each other and their shared world, but it can also create separation.

• Asking specific questions that show interest in someone's experiences and feelings can help bridge the gap created by separation caused by broad or generic questions.

• Listening to each other's experiences, insights, and ideas is crucial for solving problems involving human beings.

Understanding Silent Children

In this section, the speaker talks about her experience as a mother with a child who doesn't talk much and how she struggled to understand his needs.

Communicating with Silent Children

• As a mother, it's important to pay attention to children's needs.

• However, when dealing with silent children, it can be difficult to get insight into their minds.

• Asking questions like "How was your day?" may not yield helpful responses.

• The speaker had trouble communicating with her son who didn't talk much.

Comparing Parenting to Management

In this section, the speaker compares her relationship with her son to relationships between managers and employees.

Jytte's Story

• The speaker worked with Jytte at a factory in the late '90s.

• Jytte wasn't much of a talker but one day asked the speaker how long she planned on working there.

• The speaker replied that she would work for three more months before starting at university.

• Jytte explained that she needed the speaker to slow down because she couldn't keep up that pace for 20 or 25 more years.

Peter's Story

• The speaker later worked as a strategy consultant for CEOs and senior managers in big corporations.

• One manager named Peter asked how he could increase productivity in his company.

• The speaker tried to come up with good answers but eventually realized that she didn't have any good ones.

Curiosity About Questions

In this section, the speaker talks about getting curious about questions and their importance.

Importance of Questions

• After working as a strategy consultant for some time, the speaker got curious about the questions being asked.

• She realized that she wasn't sure if Peter was asking the right questions.

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of asking good questions.

The Importance of Asking the Right Questions

In this section, the speaker discusses how some questions are better than others and emphasizes that it's not about what questions are asked but who asks them.

Who Asks the Questions Matters

• Some questions are better than others.

• It's not about what questions are asked but who asks them.

• Jytte has a bigger impact on how things are done in her company compared to Peter.

• Peter doesn't know which questions matter to his employees and citizens.

The Problem with Surveys

In this section, the speaker talks about how leaders make decisions without knowing which questions matter to their employees and citizens, despite asking a lot of questions themselves through surveys and opinion polls.

Leaders Don't Know Which Questions Matter

• Leaders make decisions without knowing which questions matter to their employees and citizens.

• They ask a lot of questions themselves through surveys and opinion polls.

• Surveys have little to do with what people know is important.

The Power of Questions

In this section, the speaker discusses the impact of questions on how people think and act. She emphasizes that it's not about what we ask, but who is asking the questions.

The Impact of Questions

• Jytte's questions have immediate impact on how people think and act.

• Millions of leader-defined questions result in a lot of "hmms."

• Every time you ask a question, you insist on making your perspective on the subject matter.

• Questions have the power to change the world.

Shifting Perspectives

• We must pay attention to the balance in our relationships.

• If we are always asking or always answering, we must turn the tables.

• Questioning and answering should be like a dance where we constantly shift position in order for us to connect with each other and the world we share.

Flipping Survey Logic Around

• Peter can allow or even invite Jytte and her colleagues to ask each other questions about important topics like productivity.

• This allows him to leverage all experiences, insights, and ideas needed to make decisions that have an impact.

It's Not About What; It's About Who

In this section, the speaker emphasizes that it's not about what we ask but who is asking the questions.

The Importance of Who

• It's not about what; it's about who.

• When who is always the same, the same perspectives dominate the way we think and talk about our problems.

• There is no such thing as "just asking."

Paying Attention to Balance

• We must pay attention to the balance in our relationships.

• Whether it's the relationship we have with our children, our co-workers, or even the people we meet at the doctor's office, we must ask ourselves if we are always asking or always answering.

Shifting Perspectives

• If we are always asking or always answering, we must turn the tables.

• Questioning and answering should be like a dance where we constantly shift position in order for us to connect with each other and the world we share.