5 conversation skills that enhance your rational brain | Irshad Manji
Diversity and Constructive Conversations
In this talk, Irshad Manji discusses the importance of diversity and how it can be used to bring people together instead of tearing them apart. She provides five simple skills that can help reduce emotional defenses and turn contentious issues into constructive conversations.
The Importance of Recognizing Humanity
- Diversity is a fact of life, not a human construct.
- Labels such as Democrat or Republican are problematic because humans are constantly evolving.
- To solve problems, we need to recognize our shared humanity and relate to it.
Five Simple Skills for Constructive Conversations
Skill 1: Breathe Deeply
- Breathing deeply helps transition from the hyperemotional ego region to the more evolved prefrontal cortex.
Skill 2: Proactively Create Common Ground
- Instead of leaving common ground up to chance, acknowledge that there will be disagreements but also recognize that individuals are more than just their opinions.
Skill 3: Ask Sincere Questions Before Stating Your Position
- Asking sincere questions shows a willingness to learn from others and creates an environment for inquiry rather than inquisition.
Skill 4: Listen Actively After Asking Questions
- Active listening is crucial after asking questions in order to understand other perspectives.
Skill 5: Shift From Either/Or Thinking to Both/And Thinking
- No bullet points available with timestamps.
Listening Skills: How to Learn Better
In this section, the speaker talks about how to improve listening skills and learn better.
The Importance of Listening
- When entering a conversation, approach it with the mindset that you have something to learn.
- Show that you are not using listening as a tactic or tool to manipulate others.
- Listening to learn involves asking another question. Start with "Tell me more."
Example of Effective Listening
- A police officer used the "Tell me more" technique during a contentious town hall meeting about homelessness.
- An activist accused him of being a token because he was a man of color.
- Instead of reacting defensively, he responded with "Tell me more."
- The activist apologized for her assumption and they worked together on a solution.
Conclusion
- These skills are informed by behavioral science but do not guarantee positive outcomes in every situation.
- Habituate yourself into these skills to increase the chances of healthy outcomes in contentious conversations.
- Ask yourself if you are in the conversation to solve problems or feel morally superior. Choose wisely.