12 questions to ask before marriage 💍

Getting to Know Someone for Marriage in Islam

In this section, the speaker discusses the steps to getting to know someone for marriage in Islam and the rulings of marriage.

Rulings of Marriage

• There are five cases and five rulings regarding getting married in Islam.

• The first case is when it's compulsory to get married. This is when a person has the means and fears falling into Haram.

• The second case is when it's recommended to get married. This is when a person has the means but doesn't fear falling into Haram.

• The third case is neutral, where a person wants companionship and some intimacy but not too much.

• The fourth case is disliked, where a person does not have enough finances but can get by day-to-day.

• The fifth case is forbidden, where a person cannot provide for their family if they were to get married.

Steps to Getting to Know Someone for Marriage

• The first step is understanding the ruling of marriage in Islam.

• The second step is finding someone who meets your criteria and values.

• The third step is talking with them in an appropriate manner that follows Islamic guidelines.

• The fourth step involves meeting with their family members and seeking their approval before moving forward with any plans for marriage.

Understanding Hormonal Imbalances

In this section, the speaker talks about hormonal imbalances and how they can affect a person's behavior. He explains that there are men who are more effeminate and women who are more masculine due to genetic factors.

Hormonal Imbalances

• Hormonal imbalances can cause some people to exhibit behaviors that do not conform to traditional gender roles.

• There are men who are more effeminate and women who are more masculine due to genetic factors.

Searching for a Spouse in Accordance with Islam

In this section, the speaker advises on how to search for a spouse while adhering to Islamic principles. He acknowledges the reality of modern communication methods such as social media and offers guidance on how to navigate them.

Modern Communication Methods

• The traditional way of finding a spouse is impractical in today's world where social media and the internet play a significant role in communication.

• It is unrealistic to expect young people not to communicate with each other through these channels. Instead, parents should discuss with their children the boundaries and limitations of communicating respectfully with potential spouses online.

Signs of Serious Intentions

• If someone is serious about marriage, they will be willing to talk respectfully with the person they are interested in under supervision if necessary.

• If someone is playing games or wasting time, they may avoid talking directly with the other person's family or use nicknames instead of their real name when communicating online.

Importance of Respect

• It is important for both parties involved in searching for a spouse to respect each other's boundaries and intentions.

• Parents should guide their children in finding a spouse while also respecting their independence and ability to make their own decisions.

Importance of Taking Marriage Seriously

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of taking marriage seriously and avoiding inappropriate behavior before marriage.

The Consequences of Not Taking Marriage Seriously

• If you don't take marriage seriously, it can lead to inappropriate behavior such as sensual talk and sharing inappropriate pictures.

• It's important to test someone's seriousness by asking if they would accept their sister talking in the same way.

• It's important to share any concerns with parents or a trusted adult for advice.

When is it Appropriate to Talk About Marriage?

• Don't approach marriage until you are financially, mentally, and physically ready.

• Avoid playing games and wasting time. Be serious about your intentions when considering marriage.

Guidelines for Marriage in Australia

In this section, the speaker discusses legal guidelines for getting married in Australia.

Legal Age Requirements

• By law, individuals must be 18 years old to get married in Australia.

• Individuals who are 16 years old may get married with court approval if there is a valid reason.

Seeing a Potential Spouse

• Majority of scholars say that one can only see a potential spouse's face and hands for the purpose of marriage.

• However, according to the humbly school which some scholars follow, one may see more than just the face and hands.

Marriage in Islam

In this section, the speaker discusses the Islamic perspective on marriage and advises individuals to take their time in getting to know their potential spouse before getting married.

Recommended Guidelines for Marriage

• It is recommended in Islam to see the person you want to marry, meet them, talk to them, and take your time.

• Take your time in meeting and getting to know the potential spouse. Do all the research that you need to do before you get married.

• Know yourself first. Know what your values are, what you're looking for, what you can handle and what you cannot handle.

• Look at your own family dynamics and think about what's a good husband or wife for you based on who you are and how you spend your time.

Importance of Establishing Red Lines

• Identify crucial red lines that would be detrimental if not known beforehand.

• Changing someone or someone promising change is less likely to happen. Look for someone who already has established qualities that are important to you.

Patience is Key

• Be patient with each other's shortcomings after marriage.

• Make Dua (supplication), keep advising each other, and let things be.

Advice for Finding a Spouse

In this section, the speaker gives advice on finding a spouse. He advises teenagers and people who have been married before or adults to initiate respectful conversations about marriage. He also recommends involving parents or siblings if one lacks experience in relationships.

Initiating Conversations

• The speaker suggests that initiating conversations with someone is more acceptable and effective than waiting for them to approach you.

• Women who have been married before have more right over themselves and can initiate conversations about marriage.

• When approaching someone, it's important to be smooth and non-threatening. The speaker advises against being creepy or awkward.

Places to Meet Potential Spouses

• The speaker recommends looking for Muslim prayer rooms at universities or Tafes as they are great places to meet potential spouses in a controlled environment.

• If you know someone who knows the person you're interested in, you can ask them to introduce you indirectly.

• You can also try seeing them at gatherings of occasions such as shopping centers.

Online Matchmaking

• Be cautious when using online matchmaking services as many men waste women's time on these platforms.

Important Matters

• Once you've decided to get married and know who you want to ask, it's important to go and ask for their hand in marriage from the beginning.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

In this section, the speaker talks about how everyone has their own sense of beauty and how people have different preferences when it comes to physical features. He also mentions that some people fall in love with objects or animals.

Preferences in Physical Features

• Men and women have different preferences when it comes to physical features.

• Some men love nothing else but the neck of a woman while others love feet.

• People can fall in love with objects or animals.

Unusual Situations

• The speaker shares a story about a man who got married without even seeing his wife before the wedding day.

• It's important to talk and get comfortable with each other before getting married.

Tips for Getting to Know Each Other

In this section, the speaker gives advice on how to get to know someone you are interested in marrying. He suggests visiting each other at family situations and planning discussions around 13 topics related to marriage life.

Icebreakers

• Start off with icebreakers such as talking about the weather, cracking a joke, or complimenting something in their house.

• Avoid complimenting physical features at first.

Discussing Marriage Life

• Talk about how you view marriage life and what it means to you.

• Ask questions such as "What's marriage life to you?" or "How do you envision marriage?"

Talking About Yourself First

• The speaker advises men to talk about themselves first since there are different personality types.

• Sharing your own views on marriage life can entice the other person to share their own thoughts.

Visiting Each Other at Family Situations

• The speaker suggests visiting each other at family situations since it allows you to get to know the person in an uncomfortable zone.

• Plan discussions around 13 topics related to marriage life.

Qualities to Look for in a Spouse

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of discussing qualities that each person would like to see in a spouse. It is important to have an open and casual conversation about this topic.

Discussing Qualities in a Spouse

• Start by discussing qualities you would like to see in a spouse.

• Be open and casual during the conversation.

• Every person is different, so it's important to talk about what you personally value in a spouse.

Family Dynamics and Culture

This section emphasizes the importance of discussing family dynamics and culture when considering marriage. Families are coming together, cultures are coming together, and sometimes even whole tribes are coming together.

Talking About Family Dynamics

• Talk about each other's family dynamics.

• Discuss how you get along with your family members.

• Openly discuss any cultural differences that may arise.

Living Arrangements

• Discuss living arrangements and family dynamics.

• Islam does not recommend for couples to live with their parents or anyone else if it causes pressure or force on either party.

• Use the engagement period to discuss these crucial points before getting married.

Conclusion

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of having good conversations with parents regarding living arrangements and family dynamics. Failure to do so can lead to tension, separation, and even divorce.

Final Thoughts

• Tears, cries, tension, separation, and divorce can result from not talking about living arrangements and family dynamics.

• Have good conversations with your parents regarding these topics.

Discussing Important Topics Before Marriage

In this section, the speaker discusses important topics that should be discussed before marriage. These include community service work, social media use, finances, trust, transparency, time talking and tolerance in a marriage, social lives of partners and their friends, having children and raising them.

Community Service Work

• It is important to discuss community service work before marriage.

Social Media Use

• Partners should discuss their likes and dislikes about social media.

• Cheating on social media should also be discussed.

Finances

• Couples must talk about financial arrangements.

• Financial management can be discussed later on.

• Managing money together or separately should be agreed upon.

• The husband is responsible for providing for his wife and children's needs of living such as shelter, clothing, food protection security depending on how generous he is.

Trust

• Trust is very important in a relationship.

• Transparency is key to building trust between partners.

Social Lives

• Partners' social lives should be discussed including introvert/extrovert tendencies and knowing each other's friends.

Children

• Having children and raising them including education should be talked about before marriage.

• Naming children can also cause disagreements between couples.

Marriage Preparation Checklist

In this section, the speaker discusses important topics to consider when preparing for marriage.

Anticipated Children and Naming

• Discuss how many children you anticipate having.

• Talk about naming traditions in your culture and whether it is important to follow them.

• Consider discussing who will name the child.

Future Ambitions and Goals

• Discuss future career ambitions and how important they are to each partner.

Health Issues and Disabilities

• It is important to discuss any health issues or disabilities that may affect the marriage.

• If embarrassed, get someone else to explain it.

Past Sins

• While past sins are forgiven by Allah, some sins may have a lasting impact on a person's life.

• Consider discussing past drug addiction or multiple relationships before getting married.

• It is up to each individual whether they want to disclose their past sins, but it is important to talk about them if they could potentially affect the marriage.

Importance of Communication Before Marriage

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of communication before marriage and advises individuals to be honest about their past.

Honesty About Past

• It is important to communicate honestly about one's past, especially if it may cause problems in the future.

• Individuals do not need to go into detail but should mention if they have a criminal record or have been in prison.

• Being open about one's past can prevent potential issues from arising later on in the marriage.

Importance of Discussing Wedding Details

• Discussing wedding details can reveal a lot about a person's mindset and family dynamics.

• Failure to discuss wedding details beforehand can lead to conflicts during the wedding and even divorce.

Why Marriage is Important

In this section, the speaker explains why marriage is important, especially for having children and building a big family.

Purpose of Marriage

• The purpose of marriage is to have children and build a big family.

• Without marriage, there would be no grandparents, uncles, or aunts.

• Big families come from marriages.

Advice for Parents with Teenagers

In this section, the speaker provides advice for parents with teenagers who want to get into relationships.

Establish Friendship with Teenagers

• Parents should establish a friendship with their teenagers and let them know that they are always available to talk.

• Sharing personal stories can help teenagers feel more comfortable opening up about their own experiences.

• Parents should not pressure their teenagers but instead show respect for their privacy while still being available for support.

Living with a Sick Spouse

In this section, the speaker discusses how to handle living with a sick spouse and offers advice on minimizing the problem.

Minimizing the Problem

• If you need to move in with your sick spouse, discuss it with your wife first.

• Try to find a solution that works for both of you. If you can't solve the problem, minimize it by living close to them or sharing nights at your parents' house.

• Consider delegating care for your spouse if possible. If all else fails, make dua and try your best.

Choosing a Spouse Based on Character

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of choosing a spouse based on character and values rather than just religious practices.

Choosing Based on Character

• Look beyond religious practices when choosing a spouse. Consider their personality, values, family dynamics, and upbringing.

• There is no maximum time that a husband can be away from his wife according to primary sources. It depends on individual circumstances such as emotional needs and social norms.

• Know your family's circumstances and needs when deciding how long you can be away from them.

Marrying People of Other Faiths

In this section, the speaker discusses what Islam says about marrying people of other faiths.

Marrying People of Other Faiths

• Muslim men can marry chaste women from among the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. Eating their slaughtered meat is also halal.

• There is no direct ruling on Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men in the Quran or Hadith. Some scholars allow it while others do not.

Ideal Situation for Marriage in Islam

In an ideal situation, Muslim countries are governed by Islamic law Sharia and Christian and Jewish women were chased. A Muslim woman, Christian woman, or Jewish woman should be chaste meaning they weren't known for promiscuity. They can marry each other to create harmony and coexistence.

Marrying Non-Muslim Spouse

• Committing Zina doesn't mean that someone is not chaste.

• It's not recommended for a Muslim brother or sister to marry a non-Muslim spouse because it creates a strain on the marriage from a religious aspect.

• Divorces happen when separations happen, celebrations like Christmas Eid Easter Church mosque synagogue parents getting involved children becoming confused I've seen a lot of clashes happen.

• Religious practice is restricted and there's always this you can't get too religious afterwards and there are certain things you want to do you always got to make 100 different calculations so it's quite hard.

• Ill feelings start to develop and the mother or the father may teach the children against the other parent coming with also their values against their religious practices against everything a child starts to suffer in that sense if she's a Muslim woman even if there's tension and hatred between them she'll still teach her children Islam and raise them as Muslims right.

Compatibility in Marriage

• Marry the person you're going to be compatible with first of all religiously and Islamically.

• You don't force people into marriage; you don't make them become Muslim; you don't tell them ever gone Muslim by manipulating their love that's a separate matter it has nothing to do with that.

• Living two religions creates a conflict in their values, identity, religion, and everything.

Introduction

The speaker talks about the ideal situation for marriage in Islam and why it's not recommended for Muslims to marry non-Muslim spouses. He also emphasizes the importance of compatibility in marriage.

Marrying Non-Muslims

In this section, the speaker discusses the issue of marrying non-Muslims and provides advice to his audience.

Marrying Non-Muslims

• It is possible for a Muslim to marry a Christian or Jewish person, but it can lead to problems.

• If the couple converts to Islam, that's good. However, if they remain in their respective religions, there are too many issues that can arise.

• The religion will be among the first things questioned when conflicts arise.

• It is better for Muslims to marry other Muslims as it is more compatible and helps keep the faith intact even during times of conflict.

Importance of Marriage in Islam

In this section, the speaker talks about why marriage is important in Islam.

Why Marriage Is Important

• Marriage is half of one's Deen (religion).

• When you get married, you get to practice and do things in your Deen that you couldn't do when you're not married.

• For example, raising children and sharing love with a spouse are part of one's Deen.

• Marriage brings one closer to Jannah (paradise) and is an act of worship.

Limits on Inquiring About Potential Spouses

In this section, the speaker answers a question about limits on what can be said when inquiring about potential spouses.

Limits on Inquiring About Potential Spouses

• When inquiring about a potential spouse, focus only on serious matters rather than little things.

• There are limits on how much information should be shared about someone else.

• Scholars advise focusing only on what really matters.

Importance of Guarding Trust

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of guarding trust and not exposing someone's secrets or personal information to others.

Guarding Trust

• It is important to never talk about someone and expose them or tell other people if you heard about them.

• When seeking marriage, any information learned about a potential spouse must remain between the two parties involved.

• A brother changed his mind about marrying a sister after learning something negative about her. He refused to disclose the reason to anyone, even his father.

• One sister was pressured by her mother to reveal information she knew about a potential spouse. The speaker advised her not to tell anyone and instead shower her mother with love while staying firm in her decision.