How to Discover Your Authentic Self -- at Any Age | Bevy Smith | TED

Late Bloomer

The speaker introduces themselves as a late bloomer and shares a comment made by Chris Rock about being the most late-blooming person he's ever met. They embrace this label and believe that life gets better with age.

Embracing Late Blooming

• The speaker revels in being a late bloomer.

• They emphasize their qualifications to testify that life gets better later on.

Quitting a Dream Job

The speaker reflects on their successful career in fashion advertising but realizes they were only pretending to be happy. They make the decision to quit their job at the age of 38, seeking a more fulfilling and adventurous life.

Settling for Success

• Despite having a glamorous and well-paying career, the speaker considers it settling because it didn't bring them true happiness.

• They decide to leave their job with the intention of pursuing daily adventures.

Taking Risks

The speaker acknowledges that taking risks wasn't easy but believes it was worth it. They express gratitude for the experiences gained during challenging times when they were broke.

Choosing Adventure over Security

• The speaker values the scary adventures they encountered after leaving their job, even during financially difficult times.

• They wouldn't trade those experiences for a safe and settled life because it led them to where they are today.

Confidence and Going Against the Status Quo

The speaker discusses how going against societal norms can make people uncomfortable. They address questions about confidence and attribute it to their upbringing and self-assured mother.

Uncomfortable Choices

• Going against the status quo can make others uncomfortable.

• People often ask where the speaker gets their confidence from, which can be both complimentary or judgmental.

Lessons from the Speaker's Mother

The speaker shares lessons taught by their mother, emphasizing the importance of not settling and going one's own way.

Lessons from Lolly

• The speaker's mother taught them not to settle in life.

• They highlight that their successful career was still a form of settling for them.

The Beauty of Aging

The speaker reflects on the beauty of aging and shares admiration for their mother, who has maintained her glamour, independence, and happiness even at 94 years old.

Embracing Aging

• The speaker appreciates the literal beauty in aging.

• They mention that their mother has aged gracefully and defied societal expectations about women revealing their age.

Carving Out Happiness

The speaker admires how their mother continues to find her own version of happiness even after becoming a widow. They highlight her independence and self-care practices.

Finding Happiness on One's Terms

• Despite being a recent widow, the speaker's mother maintains her independence and happiness.

• Their mother cooks for herself, maintains her home as she sees fit, and enjoys activities like watching R-rated films and drinking champagne.

Lessons from Mom: Beauty in Aging

The speaker recalls one of the best lessons taught by their mom: finding beauty in aging. They mention the saying "Black don't crack" to emphasize how well their mom has aged.

Appreciating Aging

• The speaker acknowledges the saying "Black don't crack" regarding Black individuals' youthful appearance as they age.

• Their mom exemplifies this by looking much younger than her actual age during a time when women were coy about revealing their age.

Settling is Not an Option

In this section, the speaker talks about the importance of embracing aging and not settling for less in life.

Embracing Aging

• As a matter of fact, the speaker believes that one's age can be seen through their hands and neck.

• The speaker emphasizes the need to make peace with aging instead of fearing it.

• Settling for less in life leads to a wardrobe full of gloves and turtlenecks.

Fear of Aging

• The speaker observes that even younger individuals have a fear of aging nowadays.

• Many young people seem dissatisfied with their lives, constantly seeking validation on social media platforms.

• Settling for mediocrity is insidious and prevents personal growth.

Choosing Not to Settle

• The speaker shares her personal approach to life, where she strives to make each day better than the last.

• She embraces being single but remains open to new opportunities.

• The speaker is an entrepreneur with multiple revenue streams and enjoys solo traveling around the world.

Rooted in the Present

• By refusing to settle, the speaker avoids second-guessing her decisions and focuses on living in the present moment.

• Settling keeps people trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction, always waiting for something better to come along.

Pursuing What Matters

• The speaker prioritizes what truly matters in life rather than wasting time on trivial concerns.

• She humorously mentions that the only thing worth losing sleep over is being in the company of a great partner.

• The speaker concludes by emphasizing her commitment to personal growth and not settling for less.

Lessons from Bitchy Bevy

In this section, the speaker reflects on her past experiences and lessons learned from adopting a toxic attitude.

Toxic Attitude

• Initially, the speaker was happy working in the fashion industry but started comparing herself to others and feeling burnt out.

• She made the mistake of thinking that being snarky would help her career, but it proved otherwise.

• The speaker humorously admits that she realized brown is not her color after all.

Escaping Bitchy Bevy

• In her dream montage, the speaker envisions leaving behind her toxic persona and pursuing a different path.

• However, she acknowledges that personal growth requires self-reflection and letting go of insecurities.

• The speaker shares a recent experience where she felt insecure about missing out on job opportunities but realized it was because she didn't want those jobs in the first place.

Emotional Growth

• Despite intellectual growth, the speaker admits struggling with emotional insecurities until recently.

• She humorously compares herself to Tom Petty living in "Petticoat Junction" and emphasizes the need to overcome petty emotions.

• The speaker concludes by highlighting the importance of getting a grip on one's emotions for personal development.

Deserving and Extending Grace

In this section, the speaker discusses the concept of deserving and extending grace. They emphasize the importance of being honest with oneself and not comparing one's worthiness to others. The speaker encourages giving congratulations and extending grace to others as a way to feel better about oneself.

Deserving What Others Have

• When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve, take note.

• Ask yourself if it is something you truly want.

• Consider if that person may be better suited for it than you are.

• Reflect on whether the universe is conspiring for you to have it.

• Be honest with who you are and where you're at in life.

Extending Grace

• Take a deep breath and affirm that their wins have nothing to do with your worthiness.

• Congratulate them on social media or through personal communication.

• By extending grace, you become a better human being.

• Removing malice from your heart not only makes you feel better but also improves your appearance.

Being True to Yourself

In this section, the speaker explores the idea of being true to oneself. They discuss the importance of knowing who we are at our core, how we are perceived by others, and how we would like to be perceived.

Knowing Yourself

• Three questions help in understanding oneself:

• Who am I at my core?

• How am I being perceived?

• How would I like to be perceived?

• At her core, the speaker values authentic connections with people rather than superficial interactions or networking.

• She describes herself as curious, adventurous, kind, and having big dreams.

Perception vs. Reality

• The nickname "Bitchy Bevy" reflects how she was perceived by others in the past.

• While there was power in that persona, it was also lonely and isolating.

• The speaker decided to change her life and let her true self, "Little Brown Bevy," come out to play.

• Embracing her nerdy pursuits and exploring her interests made her a better person.

Conclusion

In this section, the speaker concludes by emphasizing that she stands before the audience with nothing to prove. She shares that she has transformed herself and is no longer driven by bravado or the need for validation from others.

Transformation

• Leaving behind a previous persona allowed the speaker's true self to emerge.

• She found joy in pursuing her nerdy interests and connecting with people authentically.

• The speaker no longer feels the need to prove anything to others.

This summary provides an overview of the main points discussed in the transcript. It is important to watch the video or read the full transcript for a complete understanding of the topic.

Opening Remarks

The speaker expresses gratitude and excitement for being present at the event.

Speaker's Gratitude and Excitement

• The speaker thanks the audience and acknowledges their applause.

• Expresses disbelief at her own achievements as a radio and TV host, author, actress, and creative consultant.

• Mentions that she would do all those things for free but emphasizes that she is not cheap.

• Shares that she has worked hard to become her best self.

Embracing Her Identity

The speaker talks about embracing her unique personality traits.

Embracing Her Vibrant Personality

• Describes herself as vibrant, boisterous, and loud.

• Mentions having a pep in her step with high heels and red-bottom shoes.

• Playfully mentions having heaving cleavage.

• Highlights her tell-it-like-it-is approach to life infused with love.

Journey of Self-Acceptance

The speaker reflects on the journey it took for her to reach this point in life.

Late Bloomer with Perfect Timing

• Acknowledges Chris Rock's statement about being a late bloomer.

• Expresses acceptance of being a late bloomer because she believes it is right on time.

• Conveys the idea that life gets better with time.

Timestamps are provided where available.