09 الدورة التأهيلية للحياة الزوجية الخطبة 1 د. محمد خير الشعال

Introduction to Marriage Preparation

Importance of Marriage Education

• The speaker emphasizes the need for educating children about marriage, comparing it to obtaining a driver's license or learning to swim.

• There is a concern that young people are not adequately prepared for marriage before entering into it.

Real-Life Example

• A young man expresses his desire to divorce his wife without waiting even ten minutes, highlighting impulsiveness in marital decisions.

• The speaker notes that this behavior indicates a lack of preparation and understanding of marriage responsibilities among youth.

Understanding Engagement

Definition and Significance

• Engagement is defined as expressing the desire to marry someone; it is not equivalent to being married.

• The speaker clarifies that engagement does not grant any rights over the fiancée until formal marriage occurs.

Cultural Practices

• In many cultures, engagement involves rituals such as reading Al-Fatiha (the opening chapter of the Quran), exchanging rings, and giving gifts, but these do not constitute marriage.

Who Can Be Engaged?

Conditions for Engagement

• Men can propose to women who are not permanently forbidden (haram) due to blood relations or breastfeeding ties.

• Specific categories of women are mentioned as permanently forbidden for engagement due to familial relationships (e.g., mothers, sisters).

Breastfeeding Relations

• The concept of breastfeeding ties is discussed; if a woman breastfeeds another's child five times, they become like siblings in terms of marital restrictions.

Temporary Prohibitions on Engagement

Situational Restrictions

• Certain women may be temporarily prohibited from engagement based on their current marital status or familial connections (e.g., marrying a sister-in-law).

Conclusion on Engagement Rules

Discussion on Marriage and Engagement

Importance of Proper Conduct in Marriage

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of not encouraging a woman to leave her husband, citing a saying from Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) that condemns such actions.

• It is highlighted that a woman remains bound to her husband until she is officially divorced; thus, any engagement with another man while still married is considered haram (forbidden).

Conditions for Engagement

• The discussion transitions to permissible engagements, noting that one can propose to women who are not permanently forbidden due to lineage or marriage ties.

• Temporary prohibitions include married women and those in their waiting period after divorce; it’s clarified that one cannot engage with them until they are free.

Rules Regarding Proposals

• The speaker explains the allowance for men to marry up to four wives but strictly prohibits marrying a fifth wife unless one of the first four is divorced.

• A significant point made is about respecting existing engagements; one should not pursue someone already engaged without proper consideration.

Conduct During Engagement

• When proposing, it’s acceptable for the suitor to visit the potential bride's home accompanied by family members, ensuring respect and propriety during this process.

• The importance of seeing the bride before engagement is stressed; it’s recommended for suitors to view their prospective brides as advised by Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

Guidelines for Interaction

• Clear guidelines are provided regarding how suitors may interact with potential brides: they can send female relatives to assess compatibility but must maintain modesty and respect boundaries.

• Direct interaction between suitors and brides should be limited; only face and hands may be seen initially, emphasizing modesty in attire during these meetings.

Communication Boundaries

• While communication during engagement is allowed under certain conditions, inappropriate late-night calls or romantic messages are deemed unacceptable as they cross boundaries before marriage.

• Engaging in discussions about personal backgrounds and intentions is encouraged within respectful limits when both families are present.

Restrictions on Private Meetings

• The speaker warns against private meetings between men and women who are not related, stating that such situations could lead to temptation or sin.

Prohibitions on Direct Contact in Engagements

Understanding the Restrictions on Physical Interaction

• The second commandment prohibits direct contact during engagements, including actions like touching, shaking hands, kissing, or hugging. This is emphasized to maintain boundaries between the prospective groom and bride.

• Families may allow the groom to observe the bride's attire but should avoid any physical interaction. The act of taking photographs together is also discouraged as it can lead to inappropriate situations.

• Sending pictures via mobile phones or emails between the engaged couple is not permissible since they remain strangers to each other until marriage. Maintaining this distance is crucial for upholding Islamic values.

Addressing Engagement Breaks

• It is permissible to break off an engagement if one party decides against proceeding with the marriage. This can happen without formal contracts or legal arrangements; simply expressing disinterest suffices.