Sheikh Belal Assaad: What You Need To Know Before Marriage | New 2023

Name: Sheikh Belal Assaad: What You Need To Know Before Marriage | New 2023
Uploaded: 2023-06-15T00:00:00.000Z
Duration: 2 h 22 min 24 s

Understanding Relationships in Islam

Introduction to the Series

The speaker introduces a short series aimed at educating young people about relationships and marriage in Islam.

Previous discussions included how to introduce oneself and appropriate topics for conversation, as well as the five situations regarding marriage: compulsory, desirable, neutral, disliked, and forbidden.

Nature of Marriage in Islam

Emphasizes that there is no one-size-fits-all rule regarding marriage; it varies based on individual circumstances.

Today’s discussion will cover three main topics: understanding what having a crush means in Islam, the role of istihara (guidance prayer) in finding a spouse, and the technicalities of Islamic marriage.

Understanding Crushes

The speaker notes that even very young children are asking about crushes due to social media influences.

Defines a "crush" as an intense but temporary feeling towards someone who is often unattainable.

Risks Associated with Crushes

Highlights potential dangers of crushes from both an Islamic and emotional perspective; they can lead to obsession or unhealthy behaviors.

Understanding Crushes and Relationships in Youth

The Nature of Crushes

Having a crush is often an involuntary feeling influenced by social interactions and media exposure. It’s described as a fleeting emotion rather than a sin or something inherently wrong.

While having a crush isn't sinful, acting on those feelings can lead to inappropriate behavior, especially when young individuals are not ready for serious relationships or marriage.

Educating Young People

Parents should engage with their children about the concept of crushes, explaining why pursuing these feelings may not be beneficial within an Islamic context. This education aims to prevent emotional distress caused by unrealistic expectations.

Crushes typically last from weeks to several months; understanding this transient nature can help youth manage their emotions better.

Readiness for Relationships

It's crucial for young people to assess their readiness for marriage before acting on crushes. If they are not mature enough or prepared for commitment, it may lead to unnecessary emotional turmoil.

The speaker emphasizes personal experiences with students over 16 years, advocating that parents need to understand modern terminologies related to love and relationships.

Open Communication Between Generations

Parents should normalize discussions about puberty, sexuality, and relationships from an early age. This openness fosters trust and allows children to seek guidance from their parents instead of peers.

Sharing personal stories about how parents met can create relatable conversations that encourage children to discuss their feelings openly.

Building Healthy Perspectives on Love

True love develops through shared experiences over time rather than initial infatuation. Marriage is portrayed as a partnership where mutual understanding grows through living together.

Marriages unite families and cultures; thus, it's essential for young people to recognize the broader implications of romantic relationships beyond just personal attraction.

Seeking Guidance from Elders

Engaging with older family members or mentors provides valuable insights into navigating feelings like crushes. They offer wisdom that peers cannot provide due to limited life experience.

Relying solely on friends of the same age may limit understanding; seeking advice from adults can lead to more informed decisions regarding relationships.

Understanding Relationships and Istikhara

The Role of Supportive Figures in Life

Rafik is described as a supportive figure, akin to an elbow, providing emotional support but limited problem-solving capabilities.

Welly awali refers to responsible figures like parents or older siblings who are invested in one's well-being and can offer better guidance.

Navigating Marriage Decisions

The speaker addresses the fears associated with choosing a lifelong partner, emphasizing the importance of making informed decisions.

Following the right pathways, particularly those outlined by Allah and the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), is highlighted as essential for successful relationships.

Understanding Istikhara

Many people inquire about istikhara when considering marriage; it serves as a prayer for guidance before making significant life choices.

A common misconception is that one must rely on elders or religious leaders to perform istikhara on their behalf, which the speaker argues against.

Misconceptions About Istikhara

The idea that someone else can perform istikhara for you contradicts Islamic teachings; personal prayer is emphasized instead.

There are no Quranic or Hadith references supporting the notion that others should conduct istikhara on behalf of individuals seeking guidance.

Practical Application of Istikhara

Individuals should personally engage in istikhara by praying two rakats and sincerely asking Allah for guidance regarding their decisions.

The speaker warns against relying solely on dreams interpreted by others, stressing that personal connection with Allah during istikhara is crucial.

Understanding Istikhara in Marriage Decisions

The Role of Istikhara

The speaker discusses the importance of seeking Allah's guidance through Istikhara when considering marriage, emphasizing that one should ask for what is good for them.

A warning is given about relying solely on signs or dreams, as many marriages fail due to misunderstandings regarding these indicators.

Steps Before Making a Decision

It’s crucial to conduct thorough research and investigation about a potential spouse before making any decisions. This includes asking family and friends and gathering information from social media.

After initial research, one should meet the person and continue to evaluate compatibility using logic and rationale.

Logical Approach to Marriage

The decision-making process involves practical steps: understanding oneself, knowing what questions to ask, and seeking advice from trusted sources like parents or experts.

Emphasis is placed on investigating current circumstances while also considering future implications of the marriage.

Understanding Dreams Related to Istikhara

The speaker cautions against over-relying on dreams as signs; they can be influenced by various factors including personal thoughts or external fears.

Three types of dreams are identified: those stemming from daily thoughts, nightmares from Shaytan, and true visions from Allah which require interpretation by knowledgeable individuals.

Emotional Awareness in Decision-Making

It's important not to confuse feelings generated by pleasant experiences (like nice weather) with genuine compatibility or suitability for marriage.

Individuals are encouraged to reflect deeply on their values and expectations for a partner while visualizing their future together.

Final Thoughts on Istikhara

The speaker reiterates that Istikhara serves as a tool for future guidance after thorough research has been conducted.

Marriage in Islam: Understanding the Proposal Process

The Importance of Relying on Faith

Emphasizes the significance of faith and reliance on Allah when making decisions, particularly regarding marriage. Encourages individuals to do what is right according to Islamic teachings.

Steps for a Valid Marriage Proposal

Outlines three essential steps for a valid marriage proposal in Islam, highlighting that cultural practices may vary.

Describes the first step as a simple proposal, which does not imply ownership but rather an expression of interest. Cultural nuances are acknowledged, such as the Lebanese tradition involving initial meetings over coffee.

Cultural Considerations in Proposals

Advises men to observe and learn about different cultures when proposing, especially if they are interested in someone from a different background.

Stresses that while men typically propose, women can also take initiative; understanding cultural contexts is crucial for respectful engagement.

Engagement Process in Islam

Discusses the second stage of engagement known as "Ariel" within Lebanese culture, which involves reciting prayers and formalizing intentions.

Highlights that during this period, families should meet and communicate openly while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Rules During Engagement

Defines engagement (known as "Khitbah") in Islam as an official agreement between families allowing couples to get to know each other with parental consent.

Engagement and Marriage in Islam

The Nature of Gifting

Giving a gift and then asking for it back is likened to "vomiting and eating vomit again," emphasizing the importance of generosity without expectations.

During engagement, it's advised not to overdo gifts; this period should focus on getting to know each other rather than material exchanges.

Understanding Engagement

Engagement is a time for understanding personalities; some may not appreciate traditional gifts like chocolates, highlighting diverse cultural perspectives.

The principle of making Halal easy is emphasized: if Halal practices are made difficult, people may resort to Haram alternatives.

Clarifying Engagement vs. Dating

In Islam, engagement means exclusivity; one cannot pursue another relationship while engaged.

Young individuals often misunderstand engagement as casual dating, which can lead to confusion about its seriousness.

The Contract of Nikah

The marriage contract (Nikah) is described as a serious mutual agreement involving rights and responsibilities beyond mere romantic interest.

Love and kindness are integral to the marriage contract, distinguishing it from business agreements.

Conditions for Valid Marriage

There are five essential conditions for a valid marriage in Islam; missing any condition necessitates redoing the marriage.

The first condition involves confirming the identities of both parties during the marriage contract process.

Personal Anecdotes on Marriage Ceremonies

A personal story illustrates the challenges celebrants face in remembering couples they have married due to numerous ceremonies conducted over time.

Marriage Ceremony Process in Islam

Overview of the Marriage Ceremony

The speaker discusses their experience with conducting marriage ceremonies, emphasizing the importance of proper procedures and respect for traditions.

The ceremony involves the groom, his father (or a representative), and two witnesses. They agree on the Mahar (dowry) before proceeding.

Key phrases must be articulated by both parties: the groom requests the bride's hand in marriage, and her father responds affirmatively on her behalf.

Consent and Participation

The speaker highlights that it is customary to ask both the groom and bride if they accept each other in marriage, ensuring mutual consent.

A comparison is made with Malaysian marriage customs where specific statements must be recited without error; this adds pressure but is not a requirement in Islamic tradition.

Importance of Identity and Consent

Emphasizes that knowing the identities of both individuals is crucial; vague references like "my daughter" are insufficient.

Both parties must give explicit consent. If a bride has been married before, she must verbally express her approval in front of witnesses.

Investigating Consent Issues

The speaker recounts experiences where he had to ensure genuine consent from brides who were not present during initial discussions.

An instance is shared where concerns about coercion led to halting a marriage until further investigation confirmed issues regarding consent.

Historical Context on Women's Rights in Marriage

A Hadith illustrates that women have rights regarding their marital choices; one woman was given an option to leave an unwanted marriage due to lack of consent.

Understanding Marriage in Islam

The Concept of Divorce and Consent

In Islamic marriage, divorce (hula) allows individuals to exit a toxic relationship without being forced to stay. This emphasizes the importance of mutual consent in marriage.

The couple's consent is essential for a valid marriage, highlighting that both parties must agree to the union.

Role of the Guardian (Wely)

The bride requires a guardian (Wely), while the groom represents himself. This structure ensures that the bride's interests are protected during the marriage process.

Male family members, such as fathers or uncles, are responsible for protecting and providing for the bride, emphasizing traditional gender roles within Islamic marriages.

Transfer of Responsibility

During marriage, the father transfers his protective responsibilities to the husband through a formal declaration. This act signifies that he no longer holds responsibility for her affairs.

The presence of a guardian is crucial to ensure that there are no conflicts regarding responsibilities and rights within the marriage.

Importance of Guardianship

A guardian acts as an intermediary who safeguards the bride’s rights and interests, ensuring she is not exploited or treated unfairly by potential suitors.

Understanding family dynamics in Islam clarifies why guardianship is necessary; it provides emotional support and oversight during vulnerable moments.

Hierarchy of Guardians

The hierarchy for guardianship starts with the father; if absent, it passes to other male relatives like grandfathers or sons. This order underscores familial duty towards women.

If none of these relatives are available, other male relatives from her father's side can step in as guardians, maintaining protection and provision responsibilities.

Scholarly Perspectives on Wely

There exists some debate among Islamic scholars regarding whether having a Wely is mandatory for a valid marriage contract. Most schools agree on its necessity except for Hanafi scholars who have differing views.

While most scholars assert that both parts of marriage—the contract and consummation—require Wely approval, Hanafi interpretations provide alternative perspectives based on Quranic evidence.

Marriage and the Role of Wali in Islam

Importance of Wali (Guardian) in Marriage

The speaker emphasizes that a marriage should always involve a Wali, or guardian, to ensure proper approval and oversight. This is particularly important for the well-being of the bride.

If the designated Wali is deemed unsuitable (e.g., not a Muslim, abusive), alternatives such as a grandfather or brother can be considered, but this process must be approached with caution.

Addressing Unreasonable Fathers

The speaker discusses how fathers may refuse suitable suitors based on unreasonable criteria. It's crucial to understand their reasons, which should ideally be grounded in religious principles.

Valid reasons for refusal include concerns about the suitor's character, financial stability, or lifestyle choices (e.g., substance abuse).

Challenges Faced by Daughters

Many daughters report facing unreasonable opposition from their fathers regarding potential marriages. This can stem from personal vendettas or divorce situations where one parent is absent.

Some fathers may reject suitors based on superficial traits like race rather than substantial qualities such as faith and character.

Islamic Teachings on Marriage Restrictions

A hadith illustrates an instance where familial opposition led to complications in marriage decisions. The Prophet Muhammad’s teachings encourage allowing women autonomy in choosing partners.

Quranic guidance (Surah Al-Baqarah 232) advises against hindering women from remarrying after divorce if they find suitable partners.

Consequences of Restricting Choices

The speaker warns that restricting opportunities for marriage can lead individuals to seek relationships outside acceptable bounds, potentially leading to haram actions.

Open communication between parents and children is encouraged to prevent misunderstandings and foster healthy relationships.

Navigating Parental Relationships

Young people are advised to maintain dialogue with their parents while exploring romantic interests. This helps avoid heartbreak and mental health issues associated with secretive relationships.

It’s permissible to have feelings for someone; however, it’s essential not to engage in inappropriate behavior until ready for serious commitments.

Complex Family Dynamics

The discussion acknowledges that family dynamics can complicate matters—some mothers may keep fathers away from children due to personal grievances.

Understanding Family Dynamics and Marriage in Islam

The Impact of Parental Absence on Children

Many fathers express deep emotional distress over their absence from their children's lives, often feeling destroyed by the situation. They face accusations and challenges from the children's mothers, highlighting a complex dynamic where both parents can experience mistreatment.

Some children, particularly daughters, may be influenced to reject their fathers entirely, even refusing to acknowledge their lineage. This denial is considered a significant sin in Islam as it undermines familial identity.

Importance of Lineage and Family Structure

In Islamic teachings, knowing one's father is crucial; denying this connection is viewed negatively. The importance of maintaining family ties and identity is emphasized as essential for personal dignity.

Marriage in Islam is described as a serious contract with specific conditions that must be met to ensure its validity and success.

Conditions for Valid Islamic Marriage

Key conditions for marriage include:

Identity verification of both partners.

Mutual consent between the couple.

Presence of a guardian (Wali) for the bride.

Two trustworthy Muslim witnesses.

Absence of legal or Islamic impediments to marriage.

Legal agreements in Australia align closely with Islamic principles regarding marriage impediments, emphasizing adherence to local laws while ensuring they do not impose oppression.

Understanding Mahar (Bridal Gift)

Mahar, or bridal gift, is an obligatory offering from the groom to the bride that she requests directly. It signifies respect and commitment rather than being merely a gift.

The concept of witnesses varies among different schools of thought within Islam; however, having two male witnesses is generally preferred due to societal norms regarding marriage contracts.

Witnesses and Their Role in Marriage Contracts

In traditional Islamic practice, relationships are not premised on dating; instead, couples should marry before living together. This approach aims to avoid complications arising from informal relationships.

While there are differing opinions about witness requirements—some schools allow one man and two women—most scholars agree on having male witnesses due to historical societal roles during marriage contracts.

Final Thoughts on Mahar Requirements

Mahar can take various forms such as money or valuable items but must be agreed upon by both parties involved. It reflects mutual respect and understanding within the marital relationship.

Understanding the Role of Mahar in Marriage Contracts

The Concept of Mahar

Mahar can vary significantly, with examples ranging from $5,000 to $20,000. It may include items like furniture and jewelry or even future promises such as a Hajj trip.

Regardless of the amount agreed upon, it is considered a debt that must be honored. Allah emphasizes the importance of fulfilling this promise with sincerity and good intentions.

Responsibilities in Marriage

The husband's primary roles are to provide for and protect his family. This includes financial support as part of the marriage agreement.

Providing Mahar serves multiple purposes: it signifies honesty, demonstrates capability to provide, makes the wife feel valued, and underscores the seriousness of the marital contract.

Psychological Differences Between Genders

There are notable psychological differences between men and women regarding spending; men often focus on maximizing value while women prioritize enjoyment and aesthetics.

Men are encouraged to give generously from their wealth when marrying, reflecting their commitment to family well-being rather than materialism.

Legal Implications of Mahar

If no Mahar was agreed upon before marriage but later requested after divorce or death, it must be provided based on what is customary for women in similar circumstances.

In cases where no specific Mahar was established during marriage, generosity is expected from husbands towards their ex-wives post-divorce.

Respecting Privacy After Divorce

Even after divorce, respect for one’s former spouse remains crucial; they should not be discussed disparagingly as they remain sisters in Islam.

The Importance of Clear Communication in Legal Matters

Navigating Legal Discussions

Emphasizes the necessity of concise communication when discussing legal matters, suggesting that one should only state what is essential.

Warns against engaging in disputes or conflicts, particularly among close relations like brothers and sisters, highlighting the importance of unity.

Expresses a desire for the lengthy lesson to be beneficial to listeners, indicating the significance of the information shared.

Acknowledges that there is much more to discuss on this topic, hinting at a wealth of knowledge yet to be explored.