Me deshice de mi familia | Alejandro Cota Quiroz | Penitencia #46 | #penitencia #Podcast #mexico

Introduction to Alejandro Cota Quiros

Overview of the Podcast Episode

• The host, Sasia Niño de Rivera, introduces the podcast episode and sets the stage for discussing a significant case from 1992 involving Alejandro Cota Quiros.

• The episode will explore themes of mental health, childhood sexual violence, and the life choices that led Alejandro into a life of crime.

Background on Alejandro Cota Quiros

• Alejandro is referred to as "the Valentine's Day killer," highlighting the notoriety surrounding his case due to events that occurred on February 14th.

• The host expresses a desire to understand who Alejandro was before his criminal actions and what shaped his identity over the years.

Alejandro's Early Life

Family Dynamics

• Alejandro describes growing up in a middle-class family where outward appearances masked deeper issues within the household.

• His father was an engineer involved with Pemex but struggled with alcoholism, which began to deteriorate family life.

Impact of Alcoholism

• The discussion highlights how alcohol affected not only Alejandro's father but also created an environment filled with tension and fear for the family.

• His mother exhibited submissive behavior in response to his father's alcoholism, reflecting societal norms of tolerance towards domestic issues at that time.

Childhood Experiences

Traumatic Memories

• Alejandro recounts instances where he had to procure alcohol for his father at a young age (around 5 or 6), illustrating early exposure to adult responsibilities and trauma.

• He reflects on feelings of shame associated with his father's behavior and how it impacted his perception of family dynamics compared to peers.

Emotional Repercussions

• The emotional toll of hiding their father's addiction led to feelings of anger and confusion about familial love versus destructive behavior.

Confronting Violence

Witnessing Domestic Violence

• Alejandro shares painful memories related to witnessing violent episodes involving his father, which contributed significantly to shaping his worldview.

Personal Reflection

• He expresses regret over having such experiences during childhood while observing other families' normalcy. This comparison fueled resentment towards both parents' roles in perpetuating dysfunction.

The Turning Point

Defining Moments

• A pivotal moment described involves witnessing a traumatic event where his father fell down stairs after drinking heavily; this incident marked a significant emotional turning point for him.

Long-term Effects

Understanding the Impact of a Troubled Childhood

The Influence of Family Dynamics

• The speaker reflects on their father's negative influence, acknowledging that while they are grateful for their existence, the damage caused by his actions has led to deep-seated issues and addictions.

• They express a sense of lost potential, contemplating whether their life was wasted or if it was necessary for personal growth, highlighting the complexity of their experiences.

• The speaker describes a transformation from being an average child to feeling like a "worthless" person due to familial circumstances, emphasizing the impact of parental behavior on self-perception.

Daily Life Amidst Turmoil

• A typical day involved going to school while carrying the emotional weight from home, making learning nearly impossible amidst ongoing family drama.

• After school, they sought refuge outside rather than returning home, indicating a strong desire to escape their chaotic environment and find solace in activities like playing soccer.

Traumatic Events and Their Consequences

• At age nine, the speaker experienced a traumatic incident involving their mother that escalated into violence with their father brandishing a gun, marking a pivotal moment in their life.

• This confrontation led them to realize they could no longer endure such an unstable home life; they expressed feelings of helplessness and fear regarding their family's situation.

Escaping Home: A New Reality

• Following this violent episode, the speaker left home without looking back. They began wandering aimlessly as they grappled with hunger and survival on the streets.

• They recount scavenging for food in dumpsters at restaurants as a means of survival at just nine years old, illustrating the harsh realities faced by children in similar situations.

Encountering Kindness Amidst Hardship

• Despite living on the streets, they encountered individuals who offered help; one woman invited them into her home after seeing them rummaging through trash for food.

• This woman’s kindness provided not only nourishment but also companionship during an incredibly lonely time. She introduced them to others who had unconventional lifestyles yet were portrayed as caring individuals.

Forming New Relationships

• The speaker's new acquaintances included people engaged in criminal activities but who treated them with respect and kindness. This relationship dynamic highlights how support can come from unexpected places despite challenging circumstances.

The Impact of Maternal Figures in Life Choices

The Role of a Mother Figure

• The speaker reflects on the influence of a maternal figure who encouraged them to attend school, emphasizing her importance in their life despite not being their biological mother.

• A poignant moment occurs when the speaker expresses deep affection for this figure, likening her love to that of a mother, even though she rejected the title.

• This maternal figure saved the speaker from dangerous circumstances, highlighting her role as a protector and guide away from potential harm.

Transitioning from Childhood to Adolescence

• The speaker describes feelings of boredom after school and how they left behind their past life, indicating a significant shift in their environment and relationships.

• Conversations reveal concerns about family dynamics and parental issues, showcasing the complexities of familial relationships during adolescence.

Learning Criminal Skills

• An anecdote is shared about learning to steal money discreetly as part of adapting to street life, illustrating early exposure to criminal activities.

• A relative advises against petty theft, suggesting more lucrative criminal endeavors which further entangles the speaker in illegal activities.

Engaging in More Serious Crimes

• The narrative shifts towards car theft as a means to earn money; this marks an escalation in criminal behavior influenced by peers and family members.

• Descriptions of stealing cars highlight both technical skills learned and the normalization of crime within their social circle.

Balancing Education with Street Life

• Despite engaging in illegal activities, there is an emphasis on continuing education; the speaker acknowledges support from their maternal figure regarding academic responsibilities.

• Completing various educational milestones while living on the streets illustrates resilience and determination amidst challenging circumstances.

Complex Relationships with Maternal Figures

• The relationship with this maternal figure evolves into one resembling that of an adoptive parent-child bond, filled with mutual care and expectations.

• Celebrations like birthdays reflect nurturing aspects of this relationship, contrasting sharply with previous familial experiences.

The Journey into Crime and Its Consequences

Early Involvement in Criminal Activities

• The speaker recounts how they began transporting cars to Michoacán, unaware of the illegal activities involved. They were initially naive about the true nature of their tasks.

• As they became more involved, they were instructed to steal specific types of cars (Volkswagen Beetles), which had become popular due to their compact size and desirability.

• The realization dawned that the stolen items included marijuana, which was heavily stigmatized at the time. This marked a turning point in their understanding of the criminal world.

Descent into Deeper Criminality

• The allure of money blinded them to the dangers and moral implications of their actions, leading them deeper into crime.

• Despite being a health-conscious youth who avoided drugs, they found themselves surrounded by peers indulging in various vices, highlighting a shift in lifestyle.

Introduction to Violence

• A pivotal moment occurred when they met a notorious figure who introduced them to violence as part of gang life. This encounter marked a significant escalation in their criminal journey.

• Under pressure from this leader, they were coerced into committing murder for the first time, showcasing how quickly one can be drawn into violent acts.

Transformation and Ethical Dilemmas

• The speaker reflects on becoming a hitman ("cicario") while adhering to an unspoken code that forbade harming women and children. This ethical boundary illustrates complex moral reasoning within criminal circles.

• Their motivations for killing stemmed from deep-seated anger and personal trauma rather than drug use or addiction.

Reflection on Violence and Personal Growth

• Training under harsh conditions transformed them into someone capable of extreme violence but also left emotional scars that contributed to a cold demeanor towards others' suffering.

• Years later, they recognized that violence only perpetuated more anger and resentment within themselves—a realization that took decades to fully comprehend.

Impact of Childhood Trauma

• The speaker discusses how childhood experiences shaped their violent tendencies. They emphasize the brutal impact of sexual violence during childhood on personal development and future behavior.

Reunion with Family

• A significant event occurred on February 14th when they unexpectedly reunited with their mother after years apart—an emotional moment reflecting on lost time amidst chaos.

Reencuentro Familiar y Conflictos Personales

Contexto del Reencuentro

• El narrador menciona que el reencuentro con su familia ocurrió casi 7 u 8 años después, en un contexto donde la comunicación era limitada, sin celulares ni medios rápidos de contacto.

• Describe el momento emotivo cuando su madre lo reconoce y lo abraza, creando una atmósfera dramática similar a una telenovela.

Dificultades en la Relación Familiar

• El narrador expresa su renuencia a regresar a la casa familiar debido a que no vivió allí durante muchos años y no tiene interés en volver.

• Se siente como un extraño entre sus hermanos, quienes no lo conocen bien y tienen resentimientos hacia él por situaciones pasadas.

Culpa y Responsabilidad

• Reflexiona sobre las acusaciones de culpa que recibe de su familia, argumentando que no es responsable de los problemas familiares ni del abuso sufrido por él.

• Menciona cómo su madre le dice que le da miedo verlo lleno de ira, sugiriendo tensiones emocionales profundas dentro de la familia.

Desconfianza y Violencia

• Comenta sobre la desconfianza generalizada hacia las víctimas de violencia sexual en el país, reflejando una crítica social sobre cómo se trata este tema.

• A pesar del deseo de reconectar con su familia, siente que nunca podrá convivir plenamente debido a la falta de creencia en sus experiencias.

Consecuencias Económicas y Sociales

• Habla sobre sus intentos fallidos de reconectar con su madre y hermanos, sintiéndose siempre como el "extraño" o "mala onda".

• Relata cómo financió una fiesta para su hermana Cintia pero fue excluido del evento familiar debido a su pasado criminal.

Estigmas Familiares

• Explica cómo se sentía al ser rechazado por querer participar en la vida familiar mientras lidiaba con el estigma asociado a ser un delincuente.

Discussion on Family and Consequences

Family Dynamics and Tensions

• The speaker reflects on their relationship with family members, particularly highlighting the collateral damage caused by conflicts within the family.

• A significant argument occurred on February 13, leading to heightened tensions among family members, which included harsh words exchanged during a heated discussion.

Incident Overview

• The speaker recounts a moment when a vulgar comment from their brother triggered an intense emotional response, resulting in a loss of control.

• They describe feeling disconnected from reality during the incident, recalling fragmented memories and flashes of fear from their sisters' reactions.

Confession and Aftermath

• The speaker expresses gratitude for being able to share their story openly, emphasizing that they do not seek pity but rather understanding.

• Following the incident, they detail how they disposed of bodies in an attempt to cover up what happened, indicating a chaotic aftermath.

Legal Consequences

• Police involvement ensued after relatives reported suspicious activity at the home; this led to further complications as authorities investigated.

• The speaker describes how the lack of premeditation played into legal discussions regarding their actions during the incident.

Reflection on Guilt and Responsibility

• They reflect on how confessing brought some peace but also acknowledge that it does not erase past actions or consequences faced.

• The speaker discusses feelings of guilt associated with past behaviors while recognizing that accountability is essential for personal growth.

Understanding Personal Struggles

Psychological Insights

• The speaker shares insights into their psychological state over years, describing themselves as having complex traits including manipulative tendencies and aggression.

• They mention being diagnosed with schizophrenia and other personality disorders but express frustration with these labels.

Life Lessons Learned

• Despite facing severe challenges, the speaker emphasizes personal growth through experiences that shaped them into who they are today.

Experiences in a Harsh Environment

Life in Isolation

• The speaker recounts being placed in a harsh environment known as "Z," a complex of cells where they were kept without clothing and subjected to severe conditions for four years.

• They describe the experience as deplorable, highlighting the lack of basic hygiene and human contact during this time.

Context of Violence

• The speaker reflects on the violent state of Mexico, noting that incidents of violence have become commonplace and less shocking compared to 1992.

• They express frustration at being treated like an animal or spectacle, comparing their situation to a circus rather than a serious matter.

Interactions with Others

• Various individuals, including politicians and artists, attempted to engage with the speaker during their confinement; however, they were uninterested in participating in media portrayals or documentaries.

• The media's sensationalism is criticized, particularly referencing how dark narratives were sold to the public about their life experiences.

Emotional Responses

• The speaker discusses how confrontations trigger adrenaline responses rather than fear; they emphasize managing emotions while interacting with others.

• They explain that when feeling overwhelmed, they try to calm themselves instead of reacting negatively towards others.

Daily Life and Reflections

Routine Inside Prison

• A typical day involves reading extensively and socializing with younger inmates who are curious about their long-term imprisonment.

• Despite having spent many years incarcerated, there is an acknowledgment of fear regarding reintegration into society if released.

Thoughts on Mortality

• The speaker contemplates mortality and believes everyone has a destined time to die; they reflect on familial relationships lost due to past actions.

Regrets and Redemption

• They express regret over taking lives but also recognize that some good has come from their experiences by helping others overcome personal struggles within prison.

Legacy Within Prison Walls

• The speaker feels that despite their past actions, they've made positive impacts on other inmates' lives by serving as an example for change.

Family Dynamics and Personal Accountability

Family Relationships

• When asked about family members who have passed away, the speaker believes they are where they need to be but acknowledges complexities surrounding these relationships.

Seeking Forgiveness

• There’s an introspective moment where the speaker considers whether they owe apologies to family members for past actions rather than expecting forgiveness from them.

Understanding Consequences

Reflections on Family and Consequences

The Impact of Parenthood and Choices

• The speaker reflects on the hypothetical scenario of having children, expressing that it would have been challenging to raise them given his past choices and societal perceptions.

• He discusses the stigma associated with being a parricide, emphasizing how society can be harsh and unforgiving towards individuals with such backgrounds.

Media Influence and Personal Narrative

• The speaker mentions being the first parricide in his country, noting that while it is a tragic distinction, he did not plan or foresee his actions; they occurred impulsively.

• He shares that his case has inspired academic work, indicating a complex relationship between personal tragedy and public interest.

Coping Mechanisms in Confinement

• The speaker describes adopting a low-profile persona as a coping mechanism during incarceration, likening it to wearing a disguise for peace of mind.

• He humorously refers to chocolates as his "drug," contrasting this with more harmful substances he has avoided like alcohol.

Familial Relationships and Regrets

• Reflecting on family dynamics, he recounts the last encounter with his father before incarceration, revealing deep-seated anger over feeling betrayed by familial ties.

• His emotional turmoil is evident as he recalls threatening his father during their visit due to feelings of resentment about their shared history.

Acknowledgment of Shared Stories

• The interviewer expresses gratitude for the speaker's willingness to share his story, highlighting its significance beyond media portrayals.