How To Overcome Denial & See What You Don't Want To See With Dr. Jane Greer

Introduction

The hosts introduce the Love Lab podcast and its topic for episode 246, which is how to overcome denial and see what we don't want to see with Dr. Jane Greer.

Introducing the Love Lab Podcast

• The Love Lab podcast is a show that helps people improve their sex lives.

• The hosts are Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy.

Episode Topic: Overcoming Denial

• Episode 246 is titled "How to Overcome Denial and See What We Don't Want to See."

• Dr. Jane Greer will be joining as a guest expert on the topic of denial.

Understanding Denial

The hosts discuss what denial is, why it's important to recognize it, and how it can affect relationships.

Definition of Denial

• Denial is when someone refuses to acknowledge or accept something that is true.

• It can be conscious or unconscious.

Importance of Recognizing Denial

• Recognizing denial is important because it allows us to address problems in our relationships.

• Without recognizing denial, we may continue to ignore issues that need attention.

How Denial Affects Relationships

• When one person in a relationship is in denial, it can cause tension and conflict.

• It can also prevent growth and progress in the relationship.

Guest Introduction: Dr. Jane Greer

The hosts introduce Dr. Jane Greer as their guest expert on overcoming denial in relationships.

Who Is Dr. Jane Greer?

• Dr. Jane Greer is a marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, sex therapist, author, radio host, and creator of the popular celebrity sex and relationship commentary "Shrink Wrap."

• She has been recognized as a leading national expert in sex, love, and relationships.

Why Dr. Jane Greer Is a Great Guest

• The Love Lab podcast's subtitle is "Sex, Love, and Relationships," which makes Dr. Jane Greer an ideal guest.

• She is an expert in sex, love, and relationships.

Making Sex Fun Again

The hosts discuss the importance of making sex fun again and how denial can affect sexual relationships.

Importance of Making Sex Fun Again

• For many people, sex has become a burden or chore.

• Making sex fun again can help improve sexual relationships.

Denial's Effect on Sexual Relationships

• Denial can cause tension and conflict in sexual relationships.

• It can also prevent growth and progress in the relationship.

Understanding Denial: Basic Questions

The hosts ask Dr. Jane Greer basic questions about denial to provide clarity for listeners.

What Is Denial?

• Denial is when someone refuses to acknowledge or accept something that is true.

• It can be conscious or unconscious.

Why Is Recognizing Denial Important?

• Recognizing denial is important because it allows us to address problems in our relationships.

• Without recognizing denial, we may continue to ignore issues that need attention.

Understanding Denial in Relationships

In this section, the speaker discusses how denial impacts our self-esteem and makes us feel inadequate. They explain that we tend to deny negative behavior from people we love and trust, and how this can lead to a distorted view of reality.

The Impact of Denial on Relationships

• Denial can make us feel bad about ourselves and impact our self-esteem.

• We tend to deny negative behavior from people we love and trust.

• Denial is the voice that says "it's not so bad" or "they didn't mean it."

• Watch out signs include unavailability, canceled plans, and feeling unwelcomed in your partner's world.

Overcoming Denial in Relationships

• Do the emotional math by writing down all the little things happening in your relationship.

• Seeing the whole picture makes it hard to come up with excuses for negative behavior.

• Recognize patterns rather than dismissing individual incidents as random acts.

• Acknowledge demanders' denial when dealing with narcissistic partners who are driven by their own needs.

Changing Your Behavior in Response to Narcissistic Partners

In this section, the speaker explains how to change your behavior when dealing with narcissistic partners. They discuss how important it is to acknowledge your own needs and advocate for yourself.

Dealing with Narcissistic Partners

• Narcissists have demanders' denial and feel entitled to their demands.

• Dementors' denial is denying who a person truly is, such as a narcissist who will never accept, respect, or acknowledge your needs.

• Change the way you deal with narcissistic partners by acknowledging your own needs and advocating for yourself.

Denial and its impact

In this section, the speaker talks about denial as a defense mechanism that people use to buffer themselves from pain and anguish. The speaker explains how denial can prolong an unhappy situation and make it worse than it actually is.

Denial as a Pick Your Poison

• Denial is a pick your poison where you choose between short-term relief or long-term consequences.

• Denying the truth can prolong an unhappy situation, be it in relationships, work, or friendships.

• Denial makes people think that their situation could be worse when in reality, it's worse than they think.

Impact of Acknowledging the Truth

• Acknowledging the truth gives people room to tackle problems directly and make changes to improve their lives.

Importance of Overcoming Denial

In this section, the speaker emphasizes why overcoming denial is important for personal growth.

Importance of Overcoming Denial

• Overcoming denial helps individuals problem-solve and confront issues directly.

• Acknowledging the truth allows individuals to make changes that ultimately lead to a better life.

How Denial Works as a Defense Mechanism

In this section, the speaker explains how denial works as a defense mechanism.

Understanding How Denial Works

• Denial buffers individuals from pain and anguish by making them believe that what they are experiencing is not true.

• People often deny reality when faced with situations like death or illness, betrayal, or loss.

• Denial helps individuals cope with the pain of reality until they can accept it and muster up support systems to help them.

Overcoming Denial

In this section, the speaker talks about how to overcome denial.

Overcoming Denial

• Overcoming denial is difficult but necessary for personal growth.

• Seeing family members for who they are and accepting their behavior is an important step in overcoming denial.

• One of the core elements of denial is surprise and shock. If someone's behavior surprises you, you may be in denial.

• Overcoming denial requires seeing reality for what it is and mustering up support systems to help cope with the pain.

Conclusion

In this section, the speakers conclude by summarizing the importance of acknowledging truth and overcoming denial.

Conclusion

• Acknowledging truth and overcoming denial are crucial steps towards personal growth.

• The speakers emphasize that facing reality head-on allows individuals to make changes that ultimately lead to a better life.

Signs of Denial in a Relationship

In this section, the speaker discusses the signs of denial in a relationship. The signs include wishing and hoping, missing the signs, turning a little into a lot, and believing what you're told.

Wishing and Hoping

• People often have an idealized version of their partner that they wish they were.

• This can lead to denial when their partner's behavior doesn't match up with their expectations.

Missing the Signs

• When someone's words don't match up with their actions, it's important not to explain it away.

• Ignoring small red flags can lead to bigger problems down the line.

Turning a Little into a Lot

• When someone doesn't follow through on plans or commitments, it's easy to make excuses for them.

• This can lead to denial about how invested your partner really is in the relationship.

Believing What You're Told

• Gaslighting is when someone tries to convince you that your perception of reality is wrong.

• It's important to trust your gut instincts and not let someone else dictate what you believe.

Constantly Explaining Things Away

In this section, the speaker talks about how people use denial as a coping mechanism by constantly explaining things away.

Coping Mechanism

• Denial can be a coping mechanism for people who don't want to face the truth.

• People may explain away the same excuses for years, even if they know it's not true.

Externalizing and Blaming

• People in denial often externalize and blame others for their problems.

• This can make it difficult to have a productive conversation about the issues in the relationship.

The Role of Denial in Toxic Relationships

In this section, the speaker discusses how denial plays a crucial role in toxic relationships and how it enables the abuser to control and manipulate their victim.

The Consequences of Denial

• Denial allows abusers to have what they want at the expense of their victims.

• Abusers are invested in their victim's denial and will do anything to maintain it.

• When victims start putting limits in place, abusers rope them back in by suddenly becoming very nice.

• Once victims are back into the web, abusers bombard them with demands and expectations.

Recognizing the Pattern

• This pattern is unequivocal with everyone and never changes.

• It often shows up in dating where someone breaks up with their partner but ends up getting back together because their partner suddenly starts doing all the things they wished they would have done from day one.

Going Nowhere Relationships

In this section, the speaker talks about how people fill in the blanks with their fantasy of who they want a person to be instead of using what they know. This leads to going nowhere relationships that keep people stuck.

The Going Nowhere Guy

• People go with what they wish will happen instead of using what they know.

• If you don't use what you know, you go nowhere and stay stuck.

Getting Help for Your Relationship or Sex Life

In this section, the speaker promotes his sex coaching services for couples who want to improve their relationship or sex life.

Kevin and Celine's Sex Coaching Services

• If you're not 100% happy with your relationship or sex life, get help today.

• Schedule a strategy call with the speaker to get your relationship and sex life back on track.

Moving Forward from Denial

In this section, the speaker discusses what people can do once they realize they've been in denial.

Taking Reality by the Rope

• Take reality by the rope, rein it in, and start figuring out how to problem-solve and confront the situation.

• Depending on what you're dealing with, you may need to change jobs or get out of a go-nowhere relationship.

Confronting Denial in a Relationship

In this section, the speaker discusses how to confront denial in a relationship and move on from it.

Accepting Reality

• Accept that the situation is painful and requires change.

• Pay attention to your needs being short-changed in the relationship.

• Move on from the scenario by confronting it and taking steps to deal with it.

Dealing with Denial

• Discusses situations where one person is telling their truth but the other person doesn't want to hear it.

• If you're telling your partner your truth but they refuse to hear it, start moving back because they won't accept the reality of the limitations of the relationship.

• Consider taking a fork in the road instead of trying to get them to accept a reality that is more than they can handle.

The Power of Denial

• You cannot force someone out of denial; people change when they are ready to change for themselves.

• Trying harder will only make them more entrenched in their denial.

You Can't Change Anyone

In this section, the speaker emphasizes that people can only change when they are ready and willing.

Understanding Denial

• People often believe they can change others who are in denial about certain things.

• It's important to understand that you cannot change anyone; people only change when they are ready for themselves.

Understanding Control and Codependency

In this section, the speaker talks about how trying to control another person leads to codependency. The solution is to take control of oneself.

Taking Control of Oneself

• The answer to controlling others is taking control of oneself.

• People start respecting and accepting you when you take control of yourself.

• Take charge and avoid trying to tell somebody else what to do.

• Put in place what you said was going to happen.

Fixing Relationship Problems by Taking Charge

In this section, the speaker emphasizes that fixing relationship problems starts with taking charge of oneself.

Fixing Your End First

• Start with fixing your own stuff first before working on the relationship.

• When you take charge like that, your partner takes you seriously because they're taking themselves seriously too.

Dealing with Denial in Dating vs Long-Term Relationships

In this section, the speaker answers a question about whether dealing with denial is different in dating versus long-term relationships.

No Difference in Approach

• There's no difference in how denial should be handled whether it's dating or a long-term committed relationship.

The Importance of Addressing Denial in Dating and Relationships

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of addressing denial in dating and relationships. She provides examples of how small details can be broad statements of personality and how they add up to big happenings.

Pay Attention to Details

• Little things that look so tiny and unimportant are broad statements of personality.

• Small details like a man helping himself to your food without asking or not following through on plans can indicate a lack of boundaries or sincerity.

• If you find yourself surprised or shocked by someone's behavior, it may be a sign that you are in denial about who they really are.

• Pay attention to every time you're surprised or shocked because it is the biggest and hardest piece of denial to confront.

Trust Your Gut

• Trust your gut and use what you know when dealing with denial in dating or relationships.

• The goal of getting through denial is to know what to expect so that when someone says or does something hurtful, you can laugh it off because you knew it was coming.

Final Advice

• If someone is just realizing there's some sort of denial going on, the best advice is to pay attention to every time they're surprised or shocked.

• Monitor and edit what you share with people so that you don't give them an opportunity to put you down, criticize you, or blame you.

Dr. Jenn Mann's Books and Radio Show

In this section, Dr. Jenn Mann talks about her books and radio show.

Dr. Jenn Mann's Books

• You can buy Dr. Jenn Mann's book "Am I Lying to Myself?" on her website www.drjangaroo.com or on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other places.

• She has other books of interest such as "Courage to Change in Love, Work, and Life" and "The Afterlife Connection".

• If you're dealing with any kind of loss or grieving, she also has a book called "101 Honest Questions: Anything You Want to Know About Sex".

Dr. Jenn Mann's Radio Show

• Dr. Jenn Mann hosts a radio show called "Doctor On Call Radio Hour" on healthylife.net.

• The show airs on the first Wednesday of every month from 11 AM to 12 PM Eastern Time and 8 AM to 9 AM Pacific Time.

Writing Style and Passion for Pleasure

In this section, Dr. Jenn Mann talks about her writing style and passion for pleasure.

• When it comes to writing books or doing media and television, Dr. Jenn Mann always tries to be user-friendly.

• She is an extremely passionate person who expresses joy and pleasure with her passion in all aspects of life.

• Her passion is everywhere - sex is pleasure, fulfilling activities are pleasurable - she is unbridled in expressing joy.

Best Sexual Talent

In this section, the interviewer asks Dr. Jenn Mann about her best sexual talent.

• Dr. Jenn Mann says that she is an extremely passionate person who expresses joy and pleasure with her passion in all aspects of life.

• Her passion is everywhere - sex is pleasure, fulfilling activities are pleasurable - she is unbridled in expressing joy.

Conclusion

In this section, the interviewer thanks Dr. Jenn Mann for being on the show and concludes the episode.

• The interviewer thanks Dr. Jenn Mann for being on the show and says that it was a pleasure talking with her.

• The Love Lab podcast hopes that listeners enjoyed the episode and encourages them to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with their friends.

• Listeners can join the Passion Vault at sellingramy.com/vault for more free exclusive content.