Jada Pinkett Smith: “I Just wanted to stay alive until 4pm!”

Name: Jada Pinkett Smith: “I Just wanted to stay alive until 4pm!”
Uploaded: 2023-10-16T07:00:19.000Z
Duration: 3 h 22 min 31 s

Jada Pinkett Smith's Journey of Self-Discovery

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about her challenging upbringing and the impact it had on her self-worth. She discusses the importance of feeling like a priority to one's parents and finding a sense of belonging.

Growing Up in a Challenging Environment

Jada reveals that she was the daughter of two drug-addicted parents and even became a teenage drug dealer herself.

She shares that she was fearless in her pursuit of becoming a big-time female drug dealer but had a wake-up call when guns were pointed at her.

Jada explains how she had to maintain a tough exterior due to being set up by someone, which led to dismantling her defenses later in life.

Protection as Love Language

Jada discusses how protection is her love language and reflects on the entanglement conversation that caused controversy.

She talks about facing backlash from loved ones and whether or not she regrets sharing certain aspects of her personal life.

The Impact of Childhood Mirrors

Jada shares a picture that represents losing loved ones back-to-back, highlighting the challenges she faced.

She expresses gratitude towards listeners for enabling her dream through their support and emphasizes the importance of hitting the subscribe button.

Understanding Early Context

Trevor highlights a line from Jada's book about not being a priority to her parents, leading to feelings of worthlessness.

Jada explains that growing up with young, addicted parents meant drugs took priority over her, leaving her without proper parental reflection.

Her grandmother became an important mirror for Jada, reflecting her beauty, gifts, and talents.

The Search for Home and Identity

Jada discusses the loneliness she felt as a young girl, searching for recognition, love, guidance, and a sense of belonging.

After her grandmother's passing, Jada took to the streets to find her home, tribe, power, identity, purpose, and worth.

A Father's Explanation

Jada recalls her father explaining that he couldn't be her father due to being an addict and criminal when she was seven years old.

Timestamps are approximate and may vary slightly.

Understanding the Need for Honesty

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on a moment when someone was honest with her about something being wrong. She discusses how important it is to have someone acknowledge and validate our experiences.

The Impact of Honesty

Jada recalls a time when someone's honesty made her feel validated and reassured that she wasn't crazy.

She emphasizes the significance of having someone acknowledge when something is not right.

This experience helped her realize the importance of honesty in relationships.

Childhood Dreams and Artistic Aspirations

Jada Pinkett Smith shares her childhood dreams and passion for acting. She discusses how art became an outlet for expressing herself and finding validation.

Early Artistic Ambitions

At a young age, Jada wanted to be an artist and actress.

She started pursuing theater at a very young age, participating in various programs and performances.

Joining Twigs, an after-school program that prepared students for Baltimore School for the Arts, further fueled her passion for the arts.

Art as an Outlet

Jada explains how art became a significant outlet in her life, allowing her to express emotions she couldn't express elsewhere. She also mentions the guidance she received from her theater teachers.

Finding Expression through Acting

Acting provided Jada with a platform to express feelings that she felt restricted from expressing at home.

It served as a therapeutic outlet where she could explore highly emotional roles.

Her theater teachers encouraged her to diversify her monologues but recognized acting as a form of therapy.

Escaping Through Acting

Jada and the interviewer discuss how acting often becomes an outlet for individuals who have experienced early childhood trauma or difficult circumstances.

Acting as Escapism

The interviewer reflects on the pattern of actors using acting as a form of escapism, particularly those who have experienced domestic violence in their homes.

Jada agrees with this observation, sharing her own experiences and how acting provided an escape from her challenging upbringing.

They discuss the impact of early childhood experiences on self-perception and the role of acting in embodying different identities.

Understanding Childhood Trauma

Jada delves into the lasting effects of childhood trauma and how it shapes one's understanding of themselves. She also discusses her mother's experiences and their influence on her own journey.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma

Jada acknowledges that even as adults, hearing stories about childhood trauma can be difficult.

She shares that learning about her mother's experiences helped her understand herself better through understanding her mother's journey.

The interviewer mentions Gabor Maté's perspective on how babies interpret events to mean something about themselves, which resonates with Jada's own interpretation of certain events in her life.

Interpreting Early Experiences

Jada reflects on how she interpreted certain events in her life, such as witnessing drug abuse by her father. She explores the impact these interpretations had on her self-worth.

Interpretation and Self-Worth

Jada discusses how she interpreted instances like drug abuse to mean that she wasn't worthy enough for attention or love.

Her father's choice to prioritize drugs over his parental responsibilities reinforced this belief.

She expresses gratitude for his honesty instead of pretending to be someone he wasn't.

This summary covers a portion of the transcript and may not include all details mentioned in the video.

The Impact of Absent Parents

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the impact of having absent parents and how it affected her sense of safety and security.

Growing Up with Absent Parents

Jada's father was in and out of her life, which made her feel abandoned and unable to depend on anyone.

Her mother was deeply addicted to heroin, leaving Jada without a stable parental figure.

Jada took to the streets as a way to create her own security and protect herself and her mother.

She looked up to hustlers and sought their lifestyle as a means of finding stability.

Finding Security Through Drug Dealing

In this section, Jada opens up about her involvement in drug dealing as a means of finding security in a dangerous environment.

Embracing the Lifestyle

Jada turned to drug dealing as a way to gain power, money, protection, and stability.

She saw the streets as offering more security than other professions like doctors or lawyers that were not prevalent in her neighborhood.

The recurring themes of security, protection, and safety are evident throughout her book.

Living in a Dangerous Environment

In this section, Jada discusses the dangers she faced while dealing drugs in Baltimore.

Adapting to Violence

Growing up in a war zone-like environment desensitized Jada to violence.

She became accustomed to living with constant vigilance due to the high levels of violence around her.

What others might consider dangerous was normal for Jada because it was part of everyday life.

A Wake-Up Call

In this section, Jada recounts a harrowing experience where she had guns pointed at her during a drug deal.

A Terrifying Encounter

At the age of 17, Jada was set up during a drug exchange and had two guns pointed at her head.

She was robbed of her money, jewelry, and stash but managed to escape with her life.

The person who orchestrated the robbery later killed two drug dealers and received a life sentence.

The transcript does not provide further timestamps or sections beyond this point.

New Section

The speaker recounts an incident where they were robbed and left alone. They called someone for help, who arranged a meeting to potentially retrieve some stolen items.

Incident of Robbery and Assistance

The speaker was left alone after being robbed.

They called someone for help, who knew the robber's identity.

The person assured them not to worry and mentioned the possibility of recovering some jewelry that hadn't been sold yet.

New Section

The speaker reflects on why they were left alone during the robbery and how it affected their perception of themselves.

Reflection on Being Left Alone

The speaker questioned why they were abandoned during the robbery.

They were told by the person who helped them that it was because they were "too pretty."

This incident made them question their own attractiveness for the first time.

New Section

The speaker describes the appearance and demeanor of the person involved in the robbery, highlighting their lack of love in life. They also reflect on their own mindset at that time.

Appearance and Mindset

The person involved in the robbery appeared as a stone-cold killer with no experience of love.

The speaker acknowledges their own state of mind at that time as being irrational and crazy.

Despite knowing the danger, they had no fear and believed they could become a successful drug dealer.

New Section

The speaker reflects on their fearless attitude during that period, running with dangerous individuals. They mention how this experience prepared them for dealing with powerful individuals in Hollywood.

Fearlessness and Preparation

The speaker had no fear while associating with dangerous individuals during that period.

They believed they could become a successful drug dealer and had no regard for their safety.

This experience prepared them to deal with powerful individuals in Hollywood who presented themselves as intimidating.

New Section

The speaker discusses how their rough and rebellious demeanor initially affected their reception in Hollywood. They also reflect on the importance of being able to adapt and turn off certain attitudes when necessary.

Reception in Hollywood

The speaker's rough and rebellious demeanor initially made it difficult for them to be accepted in Hollywood.

Their attitude of having no care or concern was refreshing for some but also standoffish for others.

They acknowledge the need to adapt and turn off certain attitudes when transitioning from a survival mindset to a different environment.

New Section

The speaker shares an encounter with Warren Beatty, who encouraged them to show other aspects of their personality beyond the tough exterior. This conversation had a significant impact on the speaker's perspective.

Impactful Conversation with Warren Beatty

Warren Beatty advised the speaker to showcase other aspects of their charm and personality beyond the tough exterior.

He emphasized that there was more to the speaker than what they were projecting.

This conversation made the speaker realize that they didn't have to change who they were but rather allow others to see different sides of them.

New Section

The speaker reflects on how Warren Beatty's respectful approach influenced them. They discuss their rebellious nature towards conforming in Hollywood and their journey of finding a balance between staying true to themselves while feeling safe.

Influence of Respectful Approach

Warren Beatty's respectful approach had a profound impact on the speaker.

In Hollywood, there was often pressure to change oneself, but the speaker resisted conforming due to their rebellious nature.

They embarked on a journey to find a balance between staying true to themselves and feeling safe in their approach.

New Section

The speaker acknowledges the need to let go of certain barriers and attitudes when transitioning from a survival mindset to a different environment. They reflect on the importance of finding ways to feel safe while still being authentic.

Letting Go of Barriers

The speaker recognizes the necessity of letting go of certain barriers and attitudes when no longer in a survival situation.

They emphasize the importance of finding ways to feel safe while still remaining true to oneself.

This process involves discovering how to navigate different contexts without losing one's identity.

The Impact of Rejection and Walls

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the impact of rejection and how it led her to put up emotional walls. She reflects on her experience after Tony left her mother abruptly, causing her to feel unlovable and protect herself from further hurt.

The Brutal Rejection and Emotional Walls

Jada recalls the brutal rejection she felt when Tony, her mother's new husband, abruptly left after playing the role of a father.

She describes how something broke inside her and how she labeled herself as "unlovable," putting that feeling on a library shelf in an attempt to leave it behind.

Jada explains that feeling unlovable often leads people to put up emotional walls, which can become self-fulfilling and hinder genuine connections with others.

She emphasizes that these walls were a defense mechanism rather than an offensive strategy.

Building Connections and Being Misunderstood

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on her arrival in Hollywood with a tough exterior but a desire for connection. She discusses the challenges of being misunderstood and shares insights about her friendship with Tupac Shakur.

Protecting Herself while Seeking Connection

Jada explains that when she arrived in Hollywood, she had a tough exterior but was still open to making connections.

She clarifies that her guardedness was not because she wasn't interested in connecting with others; instead, it was a way for her to protect herself from potential hurt.

Jada acknowledges that managing these protective instincts is still something she deals with today.

The Friendship with Tupac Shakur

Jada recounts meeting Tupac Shakur on the first day of school at Baltimore School for the Arts.

She describes Tupac as charismatic and recalls their immediate connection, feeling like they already knew each other.

Jada highlights the emotional and intellectual intimacy they shared but clarifies that their relationship was never physically intimate.

She explains that their friendship was built on understanding each other's walls and not getting offended when they fell into defensive patterns during arguments.

The Intimacy of Friendship with Tupac Shakur

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith delves deeper into her friendship with Tupac Shakur, emphasizing the emotional and intellectual intimacy they had. She discusses how physical intimacy can sometimes hinder deep connections.

Emotional and Intellectual Intimacy

Jada emphasizes the beautiful closeness she shared with Tupac, which was primarily emotional and intellectual rather than physical.

She explains that they knew how to reach each other in ways that others couldn't, allowing them to navigate around their defensive tendencies without taking offense.

Jada acknowledges that their passionate arguments were a result of both being strong-willed individuals but also being able to understand each other deeply.

The Absence of Physical Intimacy

Jada reflects on how physical intimacy can sometimes get in the way of true connection.

She suggests that it may have been part of a divine plan for them not to have a romantic relationship.

Jada shares an anecdote about an unsuccessful kiss between her and Tupac, highlighting how it solidified their understanding that physical intimacy wasn't meant for them.

Understanding Each Other's Origin Stories

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the importance of understanding someone's origin story in building deep connections. She reflects on her profound understanding of Tupac Shakur and how it contributed to their unique bond.

Mutual Understanding and Connection

Jada emphasizes that she truly understood Tupac and vice versa, which eliminated the feeling of being misunderstood.

She highlights their ability to reach each other on an emotional and intellectual level, surpassing barriers that others couldn't.

Jada suggests that their shared origin stories played a significant role in their understanding of each other.

The Power of Emotional Intimacy

Jada explains that their emotional intimacy was strong enough to sustain a deep connection without the need for physical intimacy.

She believes that God had a plan for them that didn't involve romantic involvement.

Jada reflects on her certainty about Tupac's future success, indicating her belief in his talent and potential.

The transcript provided is only a small portion of the video.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses how the person being referred to has a unique way of connecting with others emotionally and authentically. They emphasize his ability to speak from personal experiences and join people in their emotional spaces.

Joining Others Emotionally

The person being discussed has a way of joining others in conversation rather than just talking at them.

He can speak about various subject matters and connect with people on an emotional level.

His authenticity and rawness make him refreshing to listen to.

He shares his intelligence, fears, pain, anger, sympathy, and understanding from a genuine place within himself.

Authenticity and Vulnerability

The speaker highlights that the person's authenticity comes at a cost as it goes against conformity.

They describe him as a rebel who speaks for the community but also shares from his own woundedness.

One of his notable songs, "Dear Mama," resonates with many because it speaks directly to their experiences.

His ability to speak from different angles showcases his multifaceted nature and authenticity.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses how authentic individuals in the rap music industry are often the most resonant because they represent people in ways that others may not be brave enough to do. They also touch upon vulnerability and its relatability factor.

Authenticity in Rap Music

Rap music back then had narrow expectations of how rappers should be.

Those who were willing to be authentic stood out because they represented people in a relatable manner.

Authentic individuals are resonant because they showcase the multi-dimensional nature of humanity.

Vulnerability and Relatability

The speaker acknowledges that vulnerability plays a significant role in relatability.

They appreciate how the book being discussed lays everything out, allowing readers to relate to different aspects of the author's life.

Narrow views crafted by others are often the least relatable narratives.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses their initial impression of Will Smith and how it changed over time. They highlight his ambition and joyful yet grounded nature.

Initial Impression of Will Smith

At first, the speaker didn't find Will Smith particularly deep or captivating.

They were more drawn to troubled individuals who seemed deep.

The speaker initially saw him as just the "Fresh Prince" and not someone for them.

Changing Perception

Over time, the speaker had an opportunity to spend time with Will Smith at a restaurant.

They discovered a different side of him that was ambitious, joyful, and grounded.

Will Smith's intelligence and ability to navigate various environments fascinated the speaker.

New Section

In this section, the speaker reflects on how judging someone based on appearances can be misleading. They share their experience of learning not to judge a book by its cover through their interactions with Will Smith.

Not Judging Based on Appearances

The speaker acknowledges that they shouldn't have judged Will Smith solely based on his initial impression.

They learned not to judge a book by its cover when they had an opportunity to spend time with him later on.

A mutual friend facilitated their meeting at Jerry's Deli where they got to see a different side of each other.

Discovering Depth in Will Smith

The speaker found it interesting that one of the things they noticed about Will Smith was his ambition and desire to take over the world.

They realized he had been through experiences that shaped him into an intelligent and grounded individual.

Rejecting the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

In this section, the speaker discusses an encounter with Will Smith during a casting session for the TV show "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and explains why she turned down the opportunity to play his girlfriend as a series regular.

Rejecting the Fresh Prince role

The speaker recalls meeting Will Smith during a casting session for "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" when she was around 20 years old. He wanted her to play his girlfriend as a series regular.

Despite the opportunity, she decided to focus on movies instead and rejected the role.

The speaker explains that she didn't want to be locked into a long-term commitment like a TV series and preferred to explore opportunities in movies.

Dwayne Martin also expressed similar sentiments about rejecting the role due to concerns about financial security and future career prospects.

The speaker reflects on how her decision not to take the role ultimately shaped her life, allowing her to get married, have children, and experience different opportunities.

Personal Earthquake and Mental Health

In this section, the speaker opens up about experiencing a personal earthquake or breakdown related to mental health in her early 20s. She discusses how mental health was not openly discussed at that time, especially within black communities.

Experiencing a breakdown

The speaker describes driving down the street one day when suddenly overwhelming emotions took over her. She experienced fear, anger, despair, and started crying uncontrollably.

Feeling terrified and unable to continue driving, she pulled over and felt overwhelmed by thoughts of wanting to die.

The speaker called her mother in distress and contemplated suicide. Her mother had recently achieved sobriety and rushed over along with MC Light for support.

Reflecting on that time, the speaker realizes that her body and mind were signaling that she needed to address underlying issues and pay attention to her mental health.

Mental health was not openly discussed at the time, especially within black communities. The speaker felt confused and isolated, thinking she might be going crazy.

Toughness and the Cost of Defense

In this section, the speaker reflects on how her toughness and tendency to keep moving forward had its costs. She discusses the importance of addressing mental health issues rather than suppressing them.

The cost of toughness

The speaker acknowledges that constantly pushing forward without addressing underlying issues can have negative consequences.

She mentions how mental health was often considered a "white people thing" and not something openly discussed within black communities.

Suppressing emotions and playing defense for too long can lead to personal earthquakes or breakdowns.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing when it's necessary to address mental health issues instead of ignoring or dismissing them.

This summary is based on selected parts of the transcript provided.

Keeping it Moving

In this section, the speaker discusses their experience with therapy and medication while maintaining a facade of normalcy to the outside world.

Coping with Therapy and Medication

The speaker started therapy and began taking Prozac.

Despite seeking help, they did not want others to know about their struggles.

They believed in keeping up appearances and not showing vulnerability.

Importance of Sleep

The speaker emphasizes the significance of sleep for overall health and well-being.

Discovering Eight Sleep

The speaker shares their life-changing experience with a product called Eight Sleep.

Eight Sleep is a sponsor of the podcast and offers a mattress cover that regulates bed temperature throughout the night.

It promotes deeper and more restorative sleep by following natural sleep patterns.

Sponsorship by Zoe

The speaker introduces Zoe as a podcast sponsor, highlighting their advanced gut health test.

Advanced Gut Health Test by Zoe

Zoe is a company focused on scientific advancements in gut health.

Their gut health test has recently been enhanced to analyze 100 bacteria types, making it highly advanced compared to other tests on the market.

Listeners can visit zoe.com/st and use the exclusive code ce10 for a 10% discount.

Life Changes in Baltimore

The speaker discusses moving back to Baltimore, buying a farmhouse, and reconnecting with someone from their past.

Returning to Baltimore

The speaker moved back to Baltimore but continued working remotely.

They purchased a farmhouse on approximately 6 or 9 acres of land.

Their plan was to build a quiet life for themselves in this new setting.

Reconnecting with a Past Acquaintance

The speaker shares their unexpected encounter with someone from their past and the start of a romantic relationship.

Unexpected Call

The person the speaker knew reached out to them after receiving divorce papers.

They asked if the speaker was seeing anyone, to which they replied no.

This led to an invitation for a date upon the speaker's return to LA.

Marriage Proposal in Rikers

The speaker reveals a marriage proposal received while visiting someone in Rikers prison.

A Surprising Proposal

While visiting the person in Rikers, they presented the speaker with a letter containing a marriage proposal.

The proposal expressed deep love, loyalty, and commitment.

The person was currently serving time at Rikers before being transferred to another facility.

Timestamps are approximate and may vary slightly.

Rikers and Tupac's Condition

The speaker recalls visiting Tupac Shakur at Rikers Island and witnessing his deteriorating condition. They mention that while Rikers is known for housing terrorists, the conditions there were more humane than expected.

The speaker remembers seeing Tupac at Rikers in a bad shape.

Despite the presence of terrorists, the conditions at Rikers were relatively more humane.

Emotional Impact of Remembering Pac at Rikers

The speaker reflects on the emotional impact of remembering their last moments with Tupac at Rikers. They describe feeling as if it was just yesterday and being in a raw place in their life currently.

The speaker feels like they just came back from seeing Pac at Rikers.

Emotions related to leaving him behind are still fresh.

They are currently in a raw place in their life, dismantling defenses and thawing out emotionally.

Reaction to Arrest Made for Tupac's Murder

The speaker expresses their reaction upon hearing about an arrest made for Tupac's murder. They mention being glad that progress has been made and hope to get more answers through the arrest.

The speaker is relieved that an arrest has been made.

They express hope that this will lead to getting more questions answered regarding Tupac's murder.

Last Conversation with Tupac before His Passing

The speaker discusses their last conversation with Tupac before his death. They recall having a huge fight about how he had been living, expressing regret over letting pride and ego come between them.

There was a significant fight between the speaker and Tupac about his lifestyle choices.

Pride and ego caused a rift between them, leading to no further communication.

The speaker regrets not reaching out to Tupac after their fight.

Dealing with Grief and Regret

The speaker reflects on the loss of Tupac and shares their ongoing struggle with grief. They emphasize the importance of not holding onto pride in relationships and regretting not reaching out to him before his passing.

The speaker is still working through their relationship with grief.

They regret letting pride come between them and not reaching out to Tupac.

Reflecting on the impermanence of life, they emphasize the need to let go of petty conflicts.

Learning about Tupac's Death

The speaker recounts receiving news about Tupac being in a coma and subsequently passing away. They describe the moment when they realized he was gone and share a Thanksgiving photo that captures their close bond.

The speaker received a call informing them that Tupac was in a coma.

Despite initial reassurances, they sensed something was wrong upon seeing a friend's face.

A Thanksgiving photo symbolizes the strong bond between the speaker and Tupac.

Processing Grief and Loss

The speaker acknowledges that they are still working through their relationship with grief following Tupac's death. They express uncertainty about how to grieve such a significant loss in their life.

The speaker admits to still grappling with how to navigate grief after losing someone like Tupac.

They are currently in the process of understanding their own relationship with grief.

Relevance of Maxine Picture

The speaker discusses a picture featuring Maxine Waters and Tupac together, highlighting its relevance. However, further details regarding its significance are not provided in this section.

This section does not provide enough information to summarize its content accurately.

Loss and Grief

The speaker discusses the loss of two important people in their life, Maxine and Pac, and the impact it had on them. They reflect on the challenges of dealing with grief and the complexities of loss.

Coping with Loss

The speaker expresses gratitude for support received during difficult times.

They acknowledge that dealing with loss can be challenging.

The speaker briefly agrees with a statement made by the interviewer.

They apologize for interrupting and continue sharing their experience of losing Maxine and Pac back-to-back.

Maxine was a close friend, while Pac was their brother. The speaker met Maxine on a film set and they became very close. Maxine moved to Hollywood to pursue her career, living with the speaker.

There was a misdiagnosis regarding Maxine's health condition, which affected her mental well-being. Unfortunately, she ended up taking her own life by jumping off her mother's balcony.

The speaker reflects on how tough this loss was for them.

Reflections on Loss

The interviewer acknowledges that it must have been unimaginable to go through such losses consecutively. They mention that hindsight often leads to thoughts about what could have been done differently in those situations.

The speaker agrees and shares that many people who have lost someone to suicide also have similar reflections. They recall instances where individuals had last phone calls with loved ones before they took their own lives.

Reflecting on these experiences can lead to existential disappointment and grief.

The speaker mentions the difficulty of seeing someone go from being happy to experiencing a condition that disrupts their well-being.

They express the need to reconcile with God and accept that life can be challenging.

The interviewer reflects on how it may seem confusing that someone who has achieved success and has a loving family can also experience such profound loss. They suggest that there may be a relationship between one's background and the experiences they go through.

The speaker agrees, stating that their own losses have allowed them to connect with others who have experienced similar pain. They mention their friendship with Lauren London, whose partner Nipsey Hussle passed away.

Finding Blessings in Pain

The speaker emphasizes the blessings that can arise from pain and loss. They mention how connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can create beautiful connections.

There is an irony or paradox in how heartbreak can lead to disconnection but also deeper connections. The speaker shares their personal journey of using heartbreak as an opportunity for growth and seeking light amidst darkness.

They express gratitude for the blessings found within the losses they've experienced.

This summary focuses on Loss and Grief as discussed in the provided transcript.

Conflict Resolution and Love Languages

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of conflict resolution in relationships and how it relates to love languages.

Conflict Resolution Predicts Relationship Health

Conflict resolution is crucial for the long-term health of relationships.

Professor John Gottman studied couples and found that the number one reason for divorce is contempt, which stems from poor conflict resolution.

The speaker resonates with their partner's desire for connection and emotional resolution during conflicts.

Different Love Languages

The speaker shares that they and their partner have different love languages.

Their partner wants connection, emotional resolution, and to feel loved.

The speaker wants to work hard and provide material things as a way of showing love.

Balancing Different Needs

Both partners' desires are valid, and neither is wrong.

It takes time to find a balance between different needs in a relationship.

Yin and yang principles apply to balancing these differences.

Power Struggles in Relationships

This section explores power struggles in relationships and the importance of finding balance.

Power Struggles in Couples

Couples often engage in power struggles where each person believes their way is right.

These power struggles can hinder effective conflict resolution.

Finding Balance

Life is about balance, including balancing different needs within a relationship.

Seizing Opportunities for Love

This section emphasizes the importance of seizing opportunities for love rather than delaying them.

Making Excuses

Delaying emotional intimacy or prioritizing personal goals over love can be seen as making excuses.

Prioritizing Love

On one's deathbed, what matters most is how they were loved and how they loved others.

The speaker mentions Tupac as an example of not knowing how long one has with someone, emphasizing the importance of seizing opportunities for love.

Emotional Intimacy and Inner Landscape

This section delves into the significance of emotional intimacy and self-reflection in relationships.

Emotional Intimacy

Real emotional intimacy requires addressing personal issues and vulnerabilities.

Material gestures are not enough; true connection comes from dealing with inner struggles together.

Inner Landscape

Happiness and fulfillment come from what is happening within oneself, rather than external achievements or possessions.

Loss of Identity in Relationships

This section explores the loss of identity that can occur in relationships and feelings of resentment.

Different Visions for Happiness

The speaker and their partner had different visions for happiness in their lives together.

Pursuing their partner's vision caused the speaker to feel a loss of identity.

Resentment

The speaker chose to use the word "resentful" to describe their feelings because it accurately captures their emotions.

The Importance of Connection and Self-Reflection

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the importance of connection and self-reflection in relationships.

Seeking Connection and Giving in Relationships

Jada emphasizes that she is willing to help others achieve their goals and desires, but she also expects a sense of connection in return. She realizes that constantly giving without receiving can lead to resentment.

Abandoning Oneself for Others' Dreams

Jada admits that she used to abandon herself in the hope of eventually getting what she wanted by pouring into her partner's dreams. However, she realizes that this approach is flawed and unsustainable.

The Need for Self-Connection

Jada acknowledges that if one is not connected with oneself or has a good relationship with oneself, no external efforts can make them happy or fulfill their desires.

No Good Guys or Bad Guys

Jada believes there are no good guys or bad guys in people's stories; everyone is wounded and trying to figure things out. It took her a long time to understand that it was not her partner's responsibility to make her happy.

Detoxing from External Fulfillment

Jada shares her journey of detoxing from seeking fulfillment and validation outside of herself, including from her marriage, family, and career. She emphasizes the importance of finding fulfillment within oneself.

Dismantling Perfectionism and Embracing Imperfection

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses dismantling perfectionism and embracing imperfections.

Unhealthy Ideals of Perfectionism

Jada reflects on how Hollywood values the appearance of perfectionism, which is not healthy or attainable. She talks about dismantling the need to be perfect and finding joy in embracing imperfections.

Chronic Discontent and Internal Struggles

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about her chronic state of discontent and internal struggles.

Chronic State of Discontent

Jada reveals that despite having everything on the surface, she experienced a chronic state of discontent internally. She describes feeling lost and unhappy, even contemplating driving off a cliff.

Dark Place and Emotional Turmoil

Jada shares that she was in a very dark place before turning 40 years old. She struggled with daily emotional turmoil and often woke up crying. Her unhappiness was difficult for others to understand because she appeared to have it all.

The Challenge of Expressing Unhappiness

In this section, Jada Pinkett Smith discusses the challenge of expressing her unhappiness when others believed she had everything.

Unhappiness Despite External Success

Jada explains that people around her didn't know why she was unhappy because they believed she had everything anyone could dream of having. This made it challenging for her to express her true feelings.

Understanding Mental Health

In this section, the speaker discusses their personal experience with mental health and the lack of understanding surrounding it at the time.

Mental Health Stigma and Dark Times

The speaker expresses shame and a lack of understanding about mental health due to societal attitudes.

They describe being in a dark place where they contemplated driving off a cliff. This was not metaphorical; they were actively seeking an escape from their pain.

The speaker recalls a specific incident when driving to Big Sur, feeling that they wouldn't make it back and wanting to avoid disfigurement. They did not want their children to think they had committed suicide.

Feeling disconnected from their external life, the speaker believed something was wrong with them as their emotions didn't match their circumstances.

Seeking Help and Self-Hatred

The speaker acknowledges that sometimes suicidal thoughts can be chemical in nature, but for them, it was more psychological. They felt like something within them wanted to die but not their true self.

They discuss being trapped in a cycle of self-hatred without even realizing it, as the mind can deceive us.

Through talking with others and participating in ceremonies, the speaker gained insight into their self-hatred and began the journey towards healing.

Surrendering and Lessons Learned

In this section, the speaker reflects on surrendering and taking responsibility for their actions.

Surrendering Everything You Think You Are

Surrender is described as letting go of one's preconceived notions and beliefs about oneself. It involves surrendering to a higher power and is a daily practice for the speaker.

Taking Responsibility and Learning from Mistakes

The speaker acknowledges that they could have chosen not to share certain personal experiences, but they don't regret it because it led them to a place of healing. They learned the importance of considering how their actions affect those around them.

The speaker reflects on an incident where a video clip made it seem like they had cheated on their partner, causing distress to their loved ones. They explain that sharing this experience allowed them to confront uncomfortable truths and grow from it.

This summary provides an overview of the main points discussed in the given timestamps.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses how people around them reacted to their lack of concern for public opinion and the importance of having loved ones as mirrors for self-reflection.

People's Reactions and Self-Reflection

People around the speaker reacted to their indifference towards public opinion.

The speaker acknowledges the chaos and absurdity of public perception.

The speaker emphasizes the need for loved ones who can serve as mirrors for self-reflection.

New Section

In this section, the speaker reflects on a moment of healing within themselves and discusses an incident involving Will slapping Chris.

Healing and Martyrdom

The speaker describes a place of healing that needed to happen within themselves.

They mention a dynamic within themselves similar to martyrdom.

The speaker recalls an incident where Will slapped Chris, initially thinking it was a skit.

Social media misconstrued an eye roll during that incident as support for Will's actions.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses their surprise at the reaction to the aforementioned incident and reflects on their relationship with Will at that time.

Surprising Reactions and Relationship Dynamics

The speaker expresses surprise at the extent of blame they received following the incident.

They acknowledge that they anticipated some backlash but not to such an extreme degree.

The speaker highlights that they were not together with Will romantically during that period but still considered family.

Oprah asks if both parties were surprised by the reaction, referring to both herself and Will.

New Section

In this section, Oprah continues her conversation about reactions with the speaker.

Reaction Surprises

Oprah asks if both parties were surprised by the reaction to the incident.

The speaker responds with a mix of yes and no, acknowledging their expectation of blame but not the intensity of it.

They mention that protection is their love language and discuss how Will protected them during that time.

New Section

In this section, Oprah explores the complexity of the incident and its significance beyond just the individuals involved.

Complexity and Significance

The speaker describes the incident as a complex moment with multiple layers.

They acknowledge that it was about more than just themselves.

The speaker mentions that there were other factors at play, such as emancipation and history between Will and Chris dating back to the '80s.

New Section

In this section, Oprah expresses gratitude for the speaker's book and discusses how understanding someone's context helps in understanding them better.

Understanding Context

Oprah thanks the speaker for writing their book, emphasizing how understanding people's context leads to better comprehension.

She highlights moments in the book that provided advice based on personal experiences rather than generic guidance.

The speaker is seen as an elder figure due to their ability to shed light on certain behaviors rooted in past wounds.

New Section

In this section, Oprah praises the wisdom and vulnerability displayed in the speaker's book.

Wisdom and Vulnerability

Oprah commends the vividness of writing in the book, which allows readers to immerse themselves in various moments.

She appreciates how vulnerable the speaker is throughout their story instead of presenting a self-serving narrative.

The book offers enduring wisdom because it delves into human experiences such as imperfection, survival, defense mechanisms, etc.

New Section

In this section, Oprah expresses gratitude for the speaker's presence and the impact of their book.

Impact and Gratitude

Oprah thanks the speaker for creating a safe space and holding her tears during their conversation.

She acknowledges that the book acts as guidance, providing valuable insights and lessons to readers.

The speaker's story serves as breadcrumbs, guiding others towards personal growth and a better place in their lives.

New Section

In this section, Oprah briefly mentions the sponsor of her podcast before concluding the conversation.

Sponsor Mention

Oprah mentions that her podcast is sponsored by Hu's RTD (Ready-to-Drink) meal replacement.

She highlights its nutritional completeness and convenience for busy days.

The transcript ends abruptly after this point.