The Speaking Expert: How To Speak So Everyone Hears You! Julian Treasure

Name: The Speaking Expert: How To Speak So Everyone Hears You! Julian Treasure
Uploaded: 2022-09-22T05:00:19.000Z
Duration: 3 h 24 min 25 s

How to Be Heard: The 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking

In this section, Julian Treasure discusses the importance of effective speaking and listening skills in various aspects of life. He highlights the lack of emphasis on teaching speaking skills and introduces the concept of the "7 Deadly Sins" of speaking.

Importance of Speaking Skills

Speaking skills are crucial for inspiring, leading, and building relationships.

However, speaking is often overlooked in education compared to reading and writing.

Our happiness and well-being are greatly influenced by our ability to communicate effectively.

Speaking with Authority

Many people struggle with confidence when it comes to speaking.

To speak with authority, it is important to engage with others and build connections.

Confidence can be developed through practice and self-belief.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking

Gossiping

Judging

Negativity

Complaining

Excuses

Exaggeration

Dogmatism

Early Years and Faith in Life's Journey

Julian Treasure reflects on his early years and how a sense of faith in life's journey has influenced his mindset.

Early Education and Confidence

Julian Treasure had a good education but didn't fully utilize it.

From a young age, he had confidence that everything would turn out well.

This confidence allowed him to take risks and embrace new opportunities.

Faith in Life's Journey

"Faith" here refers to a conviction that things will work out positively, not necessarily religious faith.

Entrepreneurs often have this mindset, taking leaps while others hesitate.

Julian believes in going with the flow and embracing interesting experiences.

The Impact of a TED Talk

Julian Treasure discusses the impact of his TED Talk on speaking and being heard, including the decision to do the talk and its reception.

The Significance of the TED Talk

Julian's TED Talk on speaking and being heard is one of the most listened to talks of all time.

It was the fifth in a series of five talks he did at a TED Global event.

Each talk focused on different aspects related to sound and communication.

Mastering the Art of TED Talks

Julian had previous experience with giving TED Talks, which allowed him to refine his skills.

Giving a successful TED Talk requires clarity, engaging storytelling, and projecting confidence.

By the time he gave this particular talk, Julian felt well-prepared and confident.

Reception and Recognition

After delivering the talk, there was a positive response from the audience.

Bruno Jassani, one of the organizers, expressed praise for Julian's talk.

Despite some initial concerns about its release delay, it eventually gained recognition.

Principles of Public Speaking

Julian Treasure reflects on his expertise in public speaking and shares insights into mastering this skill.

Expertise in Public Speaking

Having given multiple TED Talks, Julian became more experienced than most speakers.

He emphasizes that giving a successful TED Talk requires discipline and mastery.

Key Elements for Effective Public Speaking

Clear understanding of the big idea or message

Knowing how to engage an audience

Confidence in delivering with clarity

Taking listeners on a journey from one point to another

The Impact of the TED Talk

In this section, the speaker discusses how his TED Talk had a significant impact on his personal and professional life.

Changes in Career and Opportunities

The speaker's TED Talk gained rapid popularity, reaching millions of views within months.

As a result, his career shifted from running an audio branding company to becoming a public speaker and author.

He received opportunities to travel the world, deliver talks, and spread his message about the importance of listening.

Success and Reach of the TED Talk

The speaker's TED Talk has accumulated over 100 million views across various platforms.

It has become one of the most successful TED Talks with around 40 million views on YouTube alone.

The talk's success highlights people's desire to be heard and validated in a world where listening is often overlooked.

Importance of Being Heard

People have a strong need to feel heard and validated, which drives their desire to speak up.

Society tends to prioritize being heard over actively listening to others, creating an imbalance.

This need for validation stems from wanting to make a difference, forge relationships, and feel significant.

Why People Care About Being Heard

In this section, the speaker explores why people care so much about being heard and why they may prioritize it over listening.

Need for Validation and Belonging

Many individuals feel unheard in the world, leading them to seek validation through being heard.

The desire to be right is prevalent as it provides a sense of belonging within tribes or communities.

Feeling justified in one's beliefs satisfies primal needs for significance and purpose.

Ego Massage and Affirmation

Seeking affirmation through being listened to helps massage one's ego.

Making a difference in people's lives contributes positively both personally and altruistically.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of making a positive impact, even if it doesn't always make him feel good.

Impact of Speaking with a Chest Cold

In this section, the speaker discusses the irony of speaking with a chest cold and reflects on the significance of the human voice as an instrument.

Frustration with Vocal Limitations

The speaker's current chest cold affects his voice, making it lower and croaky.

As a speaker, he values the human voice as an incredible instrument that requires training to use effectively.

Dealing with vocal limitations due to illness can be frustrating for someone who appreciates the power of speech.

Importance of Speaking Ability

When selecting guests for his podcast, one criterion is their ability to speak effectively.

Effective communication skills are crucial in conveying ideas and engaging listeners.

The human voice is an instrument that everyone possesses but may not have fully explored or developed.

Conclusion

The TED Talk had a profound impact on the speaker's life, leading to career changes and opportunities. It highlighted people's desire to be heard and validated while also emphasizing the importance of active listening. Seeking validation through being heard satisfies primal needs for belonging and significance. Despite facing vocal limitations due to illness, the power of effective communication remains essential in making a difference in people's lives.

Importance of Content and Delivery

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of both content and delivery in presentations. The speaker shares insights from Chris Anderson, who emphasizes that while both are important, content takes precedence over delivery.

Content vs. Delivery

According to Chris Anderson, if he had to choose between content and delivery, he would prioritize content.

Earth-shattering content delivered in a boring way can still be impactful, whereas brilliant delivery of vapid nonsense is simply irritating.

Both content and delivery are important; it is a shame if someone has something incredibly important to say but lacks effective delivery.

Importance of Delivery

The speaker highlights the significance of using the vocal toolbox to enhance delivery.

Paying attention to voice quality can make a difference in engaging an audience.

Techniques such as working with a vocal coach, improving posture, practicing prosody (intonation), and exaggerating intonation can help improve delivery skills.

Speaking Skills in Professional Life

The speaker emphasizes that speaking skills are crucial for professionals who frequently communicate with others.

Many CEOs have limited formal vocal training despite regularly speaking in public.

Developing speaking skills is essential for inspiring teams, leading people, building relationships, and effectively communicating ideas.

The Power of Listening

This section explores the importance of listening as a fundamental skill in communication. The speaker highlights how listening plays a significant role in sales conversations and overall effectiveness.

Selling Skills and Listening

The speaker asserts that selling is one of the most important skills one can learn because we are constantly selling ourselves or our ideas.

However, beneath all selling techniques lies the foundation of effective listening.

Listening allows us to understand others' pain points and tailor our communication to their needs, making it a powerful tool in sales conversations.

Importance of Mastering Speaking and Listening

The speaker emphasizes that speaking and listening are skills that are often overlooked in education.

Mastery of these skills can significantly impact happiness, effectiveness, and overall well-being.

Developing conscious awareness of speaking as a skill is crucial for improvement.

Enhancing Speaking Skills

In this section, the speaker provides practical advice on improving speaking skills by treating voice as a skill and developing conscious practices.

Vocal Toolbox and Breathing

The speaker introduces the concept of a vocal toolbox for enhancing speaking skills.

Breath control is essential for effective speech. Developing a breathing practice, such as resonant breathing (inhaling through the nose and exhaling audibly), can improve voice projection.

Conscious Effort in Speaking and Listening

Treating speaking and listening as skills is crucial since they are not innate capabilities.

These skills are often neglected in formal education, so individuals must take responsibility for their own development.

Mastery of speaking and listening positively impacts outcomes in life, happiness, effectiveness, and well-being.

The Importance of Breathing for Performance Improvement

In this section, the speaker discusses the significance of proper breathing techniques in improving performance, particularly in public speaking. They highlight how deep breathing can help settle nerves and improve vocal cord function.

Benefits of Deep Breathing

Deep breathing helps to settle the voice and is a powerful practice for improving performance.

It gets individuals into the habit of breathing better and deeper, similar to actors and singers who use deep breaths to enhance their performances.

Breathing exercises can expand lung capacity, which is beneficial for overall health.

The speaker shares a personal experience with pulmonary embolism, emphasizing the importance of maintaining healthy lungs through deep breathing exercises.

Tips for Effective Speaking

This section focuses on tips and skills for effective speaking. The speaker emphasizes the importance of variety in speech delivery, including intonation and sensitivity to cultural differences. They also discuss the significance of rhythm, emphasis on words, and being comfortable with silence.

Key Tips for Effective Speaking

Variety in speech delivery is crucial. Monotonic speaking can be boring, so incorporating intonation (up and down inflections) adds emotional resonance.

Cultural differences should be considered when it comes to prosody or intonation patterns. For example, Scandinavian countries may have more restricted prosody compared to Latin countries.

Adjusting one's prosody based on the audience being addressed is important for effective communication.

Rhythm and emphasis play a significant role in speech delivery. It's not just about reading a script flatly but injecting personality into what is being said.

Developing an interesting speaking style that goes beyond simply reading a script requires practice and self-reflection.

Recording oneself and listening back can help identify areas for improvement and serve as a self-coaching tool.

Seeking guidance from vocal coaches, singing coaches, drama coaches, or speaking coaches can be beneficial for those looking to enhance their speaking skills.

Importance of Voice Variety and Timbre

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of voice variety and timbre in engaging listeners. They explain how certain qualities of a voice can be more appealing to audiences and suggest ways to work on developing an interesting speaking style.

Enhancing Voice Variety and Timbre

Voice variety is essential for captivating listeners. It involves breathing techniques, being comfortable with silence, avoiding verbal ticks, and incorporating rhythm and emphasis.

Developing an interesting speaking style that goes beyond reading a script requires practice and effort.

Some individuals may naturally possess a great voice with desirable timbre (voice quality), described as rich, dark, warm, sweet, or smooth like hot chocolate.

However, even if someone doesn't have an inherently appealing voice quality, they can still work on improving their speaking skills through practice and coaching.

The transcript provided does not cover the entire video.

The Power of Voice and Consciousness in Public Speaking

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of maximizing one's voice and being conscious while speaking in public. They share their experience of standing on stage in front of large audiences and how it has shaped their perspective on consciousness.

Importance of Maximizing Voice and Consciousness

Anyone can learn to maximize their voice and make the most of it as an instrument.

The way you play your voice, the emotions you put into it, and your level of consciousness all contribute to effective public speaking.

Public speaking requires maximum consciousness, especially when standing on a stage in front of a large audience.

Being conscious during public speaking helps with communication and connecting with the audience.

The experience of public speaking has influenced the speaker's approach to life, emphasizing personal growth and becoming more conscious every day.

Selecting Engaging Speakers for a Podcast

In this section, the speaker discusses their criteria for selecting guests for their podcast. They highlight the importance of engaging speakers over big names or CEOs. They also mention deleting episodes that may not be engaging or difficult to listen to.

Criteria for Guest Selection

Engaging speakers are prioritized over big names or CEOs when selecting guests for the podcast.

Some episodes have been deleted due to content or difficulty in listening.

The decision to delete episodes is based on ensuring an engaging listening experience for the audience.

The speaker feels a sense of responsibility towards their audience when publishing episodes.

Confidence and Growth as a Speaker

In this section, the speaker discusses confidence as an important aspect of becoming a great speaker. They mention that many successful TED Talk speakers are introverts who have overcome fear through practice. The speaker also reflects on their own journey towards discovering humility and authenticity in their speaking.

Confidence and Growth as a Speaker

Confidence is important for becoming a great speaker, but it can be developed through practice.

Many successful TED Talk speakers are introverts who have overcome fear and become confident speakers.

The speaker reflects on their own journey of overcoming overbearing arrogance and discovering humility in their speaking.

Public speaking, like any skill, becomes easier with practice, leading to increased confidence.

Nervousness before speaking can actually enhance performance by providing the right chemicals for peak performance.

Practice and Confidence in Public Speaking

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of practice in building confidence as a public speaker. They mention Toastmasters as an example of a platform for practicing public speaking skills.

Practice and Building Confidence

Practice is key to building confidence as a public speaker.

The more you practice public speaking, the more confident you become.

The speaker recommends joining platforms like Toastmasters to gain experience and improve public speaking skills.

This summary covers only a portion of the transcript provided.

The Importance of Authenticity and Being Yourself

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of being authentic and true to oneself when delivering a presentation or talk. They discuss how relying solely on memory or rehearsed gestures can be risky, and instead encourage individuals to be genuine and embrace their own style.

Being Authentic vs. Overrehearsing

Relying solely on memory is a high-risk strategy, as forgetting words or losing track can happen to anyone.

When someone forgets their next line or goes off-script, it's not the end of the world. The audience often empathizes with them and applauds their honesty.

Overconfidence and over-rehearsal can lead to a lack of authenticity. People appreciate genuine moments rather than perfectly executed gestures.

Crying during a talk used to be seen as inappropriate, but now it can create a deeper connection with the audience if it is authentic.

Embracing Your True Self

Being yourself is much easier than trying to be someone else. It allows for a more natural delivery and builds trust with the audience.

TED Talks are not about stand-up comedy; they are meant for learning and transformation. Audiences expect speakers to be genuine and share meaningful messages.

Humans are better at spotting authenticity than we give them credit for. Trying to fake authenticity often backfires because people can sense when someone is being inauthentic.

Spotting Inauthenticity in the Digital Age

This section explores how social media and viral opinions have made it difficult for individuals to be truly authentic. The speaker discusses the dangers of virtue signaling and the human need to be right, which can lead to polarization and a lack of open-mindedness.

The Challenge of Authenticity in the Digital World

Social media and viral opinions make it challenging to be truly authentic.

Virtue signaling is often perceived as manipulative and inauthentic.

People tend to seek validation from like-minded individuals rather than engaging with diverse perspectives.

Extreme conspiracy theory silos are formed when people only interact with those who share their views, leading to a lack of critical thinking.

The Slippery Slope of Being Right

The desire to be right can lead to depersonalization, dehumanization, bias, hatred, and even violence.

Media outlets contribute to this culture by promoting outrage addiction and the need for punishment.

Cancel culture and judgmental attitudes stem from the ego-driven desire to prove oneself right at the expense of others.

This summary provides an overview of key points discussed in the transcript. It is important to watch the video or read the full transcript for a comprehensive understanding.

The Cost of Inauthenticity

The speaker discusses the mental cost of being inauthentic for a long period of time, particularly for those in the public eye. This lack of authenticity can lead to burnout and a sense of imprisonment.

The Mental Toll of Inauthenticity

Being inauthentic for an extended period has a significant mental cost.

People forced to play a role or maintain a public image often experience identity imprisonment.

Midlife crises are common among individuals who have been inauthentic, leading to burnout and emotional breakdowns.

Some individuals may cry daily without understanding why after spending years being inauthentic in every interaction.

The topic of the mental toll of inauthenticity is not discussed enough.

Embracing Authenticity

The speaker highlights the liberating experience of embracing authenticity and expressing oneself freely. They discuss how social media can hinder authenticity but emphasize the importance of knowing one's values as a foundation for authenticity.

Finding Liberation through Authentic Expression

Expressing oneself authentically is incredibly liberating, even if it comes with potential backlash on social media.

Sharing thoughts and opinions without fear allows for personal growth and mental well-being.

The biggest challenge lies in knowing one's true self and identifying personal values.

Many people struggle with identifying their values due to fear of saying what others want to hear or societal conditioning.

Defining Personal Values

Writing down personal values is an effective exercise to discover one's authentic self.

It is essential to challenge whether these values are deeply conditioned by society or genuinely reflect individual beliefs.

Having defined values serves as a moral compass and helps shape authentic behavior.

The FLAG Values Acronym

Faith: Believing that everything will be well, providing courage to take on challenges.

Love: Thinking well of others, cultivating a habit of wishing people well instead of being judgmental or critical.

Acceptance: Going with the flow and embracing opportunities that come along, accepting when things don't work out.

Growth: Continuously learning and evolving, seeking personal development.

The Power of Values

The speaker emphasizes the significance of values as a guiding force in life. They discuss how having values can positively impact one's mindset and approach to various situations.

The Influence of Values

Values serve as a North Star, providing direction and purpose in life.

Having faith in the future allows for courage in taking risks and facing challenges.

Cultivating love by thinking well of others enhances overall well-being and interactions with people.

Accepting opportunities that come along and being open to change leads to personal growth.

Embracing acceptance helps avoid futile efforts and redirects energy towards more fruitful endeavors.

Living by Personal Values

Living according to personal values brings clarity and positivity to life.

It is important to be clear about what values mean individually rather than relying solely on societal definitions.

Following personal values contributes to a sense of fulfillment and authenticity.

This summary covers selected sections from the transcript for brevity and coherence.

[t=0:42:12s] The Importance of Gratitude and Validation

In this section, the speaker discusses the significance of gratitude and validation in one's life.

Gratitude as an Attitude

Gratitude is important to the speaker, even though they don't like the catchphrase "attitude of gratitude."

When feeling down or miserable, the speaker emphasizes the importance of creating a gratitude list.

They reflect on the good things in their life, such as having a loving partner, two children, living in an amazing place, and having financial security.

The speaker acknowledges that not everyone may have the same reasons to be grateful, depending on their circumstances.

Focusing on the Positive

It is crucial to focus our attention on positive aspects even in challenging situations.

Our perception of reality is subjective, and we have control over what we choose to pay attention to.

Practicing gratitude involves selecting something to be grateful for and acknowledging it.

Personal Values and Moral Compass

The speaker shares that faith, love, acceptance, and gratitude are their personal values and moral compass.

They encourage listeners to write down their own values based on what resonates with them rather than seeking external validation.

[t=0:45:37s] Validation as Part of Active Listening

This section explores validation as a component of active listening.

Three Stages of Active Listening

Reflection:

Repeating exactly what was said without adding personal interpretation or bias.

Verifying understanding by summarizing or asking clarifying questions.

Validation:

Acknowledging that someone's perspective makes sense based on their background and experiences.

Demonstrating empathy towards differing viewpoints while still disagreeing if necessary.

Contribution:

Moving beyond reflection and validation to offer one's own input or perspective.

Avoiding invalidation of others' positions, as it hinders effective communication and persuasion.

Timestamps are provided in the format [t=HH:MM:SSs].

The Importance of Validating Others' Concerns

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the significance of accepting and validating others' concerns, even if we may disagree with them. This is particularly relevant in conflict resolution within relationships.

Validating Concerns

When someone expresses a concern or problem, it is crucial to show acceptance and empathy towards their perspective, regardless of our disagreement.

Invalidating others' concerns can be damaging and lead to stress-induced audio dysfunction (SIAD), where people psychologically block out noises they dislike.

In relationships, constant invalidation can cause partners to stop hearing each other's complaints or nagging.

It is important not to fall into the habit of negativity and invalidation. Auditing our language for negative words like "no" or "can't" can help us avoid invalidating others.

Respecting Different Perspectives

Even when we don't agree with someone or think they are being unreasonable, it is essential to respect their viewpoint.

Instead of dismissing their thoughts as worthless or stupid, we can offer an alternative perspective respectfully.

Validating others' concerns and offering different ways of looking at things fosters healthy communication and understanding.

The Joy of Listening in Relationships

Listening plays a vital role in building strong relationships. The speaker highlights the importance of truly listening without distractions and shares tips for effective listening.

The Power of Listening

Listening is at the heart of all good relationships. It allows us to understand and empathize with others.

Scott Peck stated that true listening requires giving our full attention without multitasking.

In today's distracted world, where technology often diverts our focus, genuine listening has become rare but essential.

Tips for Effective Listening

RASA - Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask

RASA is an acronym for effective listening: Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, and Ask.

Receive: Pay attention to the speaker's body language and maintain eye contact.

Appreciate: Show engagement through gestures, smiles, and other non-verbal cues.

Summarize: Use the word "so" to summarize what the speaker said. Avoid overusing it at the beginning of every sentence.

Ask: Seek clarification or offer alternative perspectives by asking questions.

Creating a Listening Environment

Create a conducive environment for listening by minimizing distractions and giving undivided attention.

When engaged in conversation, focus on the person speaking rather than thinking about other things or checking devices.

By actively listening and respecting others' thoughts, we can foster meaningful communication and build stronger relationships.

Closing Doors Behind You in Conversations

The speaker discusses the importance of closing doors behind us in conversations by summarizing and reflecting on what has been said. They also address the misuse of the word "so" as a conversation starter.

Closing Doors Behind You

Closing doors behind you means summarizing and reflecting on what has been said during a conversation.

It involves using phrases like "so," which have unfortunately lost their true meaning due to overuse as conversation starters.

Misuse of "So"

The word "so" has become debased in modern conversations, often used incorrectly at the beginning of sentences without proper context.

Starting every sentence with "so" can confuse listeners and dilute its original purpose as a connector between ideas or summaries.

Effective Conversation Closure

To close doors effectively in conversations:

Repeat or reflect on key points discussed.

Ensure understanding by summarizing what was said before moving forward.

Avoid leaving loose ends or unclear transitions between topics.

By implementing effective closure techniques, we can enhance communication and maintain clarity in conversations.

The transcript provided was already in English, so no language conversion was necessary.

New Section

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of asking questions to establish connections and contribute to a conversation.

How to Engage in Conversations

When encountering unfamiliar or uncomfortable territory in a conversation, ask questions that link to something you know about.

"How would that relate to this thing I know about?"

This approach helps bring the conversation to familiar ground and allows you to contribute meaningfully.

New Section

The speaker introduces the concept of RASA (Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask), which aids in effective communication during conversations.

Using RASA for Fruitful Conversations

RASA is a framework that involves actively listening and directing conversations towards fruitful outcomes.

"So that's rasa and that really helps in a conversation to direct listening and make the conversation fruitful for both parties."

New Section

The speaker transitions into discussing how to speak with authority, particularly in situations where individuals may lack formal power or authority.

Speaking with Authority

Addressing the topic of speaking with authority is crucial for individuals who may be junior or lacking formal titles but still want their voices heard.

"How does one speak with authority? What advice can you give me?"

Strategies for speaking with authority include seeking agreements or contracts before sharing ideas.

Asking someone if they have five minutes creates an agreement where they commit to listen.

By obtaining permission or commitment from others, you establish a channel of communication and increase your chances of being heard effectively.

New Section

The speaker shares an anecdote about a sales experience on a beach in India, highlighting the importance of authenticity and persistence in communication.

Authenticity and Persistence

The speaker recounts an encounter with a young boy selling Coke on a beach in India.

The boy's persistence and authentic approach left a lasting impression.

This story emphasizes the value of being genuine and persistent in communication.

When asking for someone's time or attention, it is essential to respect their availability and find the right moment to engage.

New Section

The speaker further explores the concept of seeking permission or commitment before sharing ideas, emphasizing the importance of active listening.

Seeking Permission for Communication

When requesting someone's time or attention, ensure they are fully present and available to listen.

If they are busy, ask when would be a better time to discuss your thoughts.

By respecting others' time and actively engaging them in conversation, you establish an obligation for them to listen attentively.

New Section

The speaker discusses how asking for permission or agreement can be beneficial in situations where individuals feel less powerful during meetings.

Asking for Permission in Meetings

In situations where individuals may not hold significant power during meetings, asking for permission can create opportunities for effective communication.

Requesting permission to contribute valuable insights demonstrates respect and increases the likelihood of being heard.

While it may not always work, obtaining commitment from others establishes a contract that opens channels of communication explicitly.

New Section

The speaker addresses the balance between honesty and tempering it with love when communicating with others.

Honesty Tempered with Love

Honesty should be balanced with love and consideration for others' feelings.

Ruthless, permanent honesty can be a risky strategy in life.

It is not necessary to express every opinion or judgment openly.

Distinguishing between opinions and facts is crucial, as they are often confused in the modern world.

New Section

The speaker reflects on the importance of distinguishing between opinions and facts, highlighting the need for respectful communication.

Opinions vs. Facts

Opinions are subjective and open to disagreement, while facts are objective and indisputable.

It is important to differentiate between the two when engaging in discussions.

Expressing opinions without imposing them on others fosters healthier communication dynamics.

New Section

The speaker shares personal experiences growing up in a family where differing opinions often led to arguments.

Personal Experience with Differing Opinions

The speaker grew up in a family where disagreements were common due to conflicting opinions.

Challenging their father's viewpoints was difficult due to his confidence and resistance towards disagreement.

The Impact of Childhood Environment on Communication

In this section, the speaker discusses how their childhood environment, characterized by frequent shouting and conflict, shaped their communication style. They also explore the potential negative consequences of avoiding conflict and suppressing emotions.

Shaping Communication Style

Growing up in an environment with constant shouting made the speaker desire their parents' divorce.

The experience of conflict during childhood led to a tendency to avoid conflict as an adult.

Many individuals who grew up in similar environments tend to be conflict diverse.

It is important to develop resilience in dealing with conflicts as they are inevitable in life.

The Danger of Fixing

"Fixing" refers to the belief that it is not acceptable for someone to be upset or express emotions around oneself.

Suppressing emotions and avoiding conflicts can damage relationships.

The speaker shares a story about a family member who experienced a lack of communication when her sibling was stillborn. This lack of openness caused her to lose trust in others and affected her communication skills negatively.

Authenticity and Sensitivity

While it is important to be sensitive, completely avoiding upsetting situations can be detrimental.

Sharing difficult news or discussing emotional topics with children should be done gradually as they grow older.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of involving children in challenging situations, such as the loss of a baby, rather than pretending nothing happened. This approach allows for authentic emotional expression and fosters trust within the family.

Engrossing Content Delivery

In this section, the conversation shifts towards discussing how to deliver thoughts and ideas in an engrossing manner. Storytelling is highlighted as a powerful tool for captivating an audience.

Power of Storytelling

Storytelling is considered one of the most effective ways to engage an audience.

The speaker mentions Sir Ken Robinson's TED Talk, which became popular due to the captivating story he shared about a little girl drawing a picture of God.

Incorporating elements of a classic story, such as protagonists, antagonists, challenges, and journeys, can make content more compelling.

Personal Stories

Sharing personal stories can be an impactful way to deliver a message.

The speaker gives an example of their own TED Talk where they shared a true story about their mother's negativity during a hospital visit. This personal anecdote resonated with the audience and made the talk more relatable.

Conclusion

The transcript covers two main topics: the impact of childhood environment on communication and delivering engrossing content. It emphasizes the importance of addressing conflicts authentically and avoiding the tendency to suppress emotions. Additionally, it highlights storytelling as a powerful tool for captivating audiences and suggests incorporating personal stories for greater impact.

The Power of Storytelling and Understanding Listening

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of becoming a good storyteller to speak in a captivating way. Additionally, they highlight the significance of understanding the unique listening styles of individuals and audiences.

Becoming a Captivating Speaker

To speak in a captivating way, it is essential to become a good storyteller.

Storytelling can greatly enhance one's ability to engage and captivate an audience.

Understanding Unique Listening Styles

Each person has their own unique listening style, which is as distinct as their physical characteristics like irises, fingerprints, or voice prints.

It is a common mistake to assume that everyone listens in the same way we do.

When speaking to others, it is crucial to consider and understand the specific listening style of the individual or audience.

Different listenings can vary throughout the day or from person to person.

By asking oneself "What's the listening I'm speaking into?", one can better adapt their communication style to match the listener's preferences.

Adapting Communication for Different Audiences

This section focuses on adapting communication for different audiences based on their unique listenings. The speaker highlights how sensitivity and conscious questioning can help tailor communication effectively.

Gestalt Listening in Large Audiences

In large audiences, there is a concept called "Gestalt listening," which refers to how collective listening changes over time.

Different times of day may affect audience engagement levels (e.g., post-lunch slump or pre-departure restlessness).

Being aware of these variations helps speakers adjust their pace and delivery accordingly.

Sensitivity and Conscious Questioning

It is important to be sensitive when communicating with others and recognize cues that indicate their listening preferences.

By consciously asking the question "What's the listening?", one can better understand and respect the other person's communication needs.

Factors like body language, pheromones, intuition, or cultural differences may provide insights into someone's listening style.

The Power of Storytelling in Business Growth

This section highlights the speaker's experience with storytelling as a powerful tool for business growth. They share how storytelling played a significant role in their success at Social Chain.

Personal Branding and Speaking on Stage

At Social Chain, personal branding and speaking on stage were key strategies for business growth.

Instead of relying on outbound sales teams, they focused on telling compelling stories to attract clients.

Through personal branding and speaking engagements, they achieved substantial revenue growth without traditional sales approaches.

Engaging Audiences through Stories

The speaker shares an example of starting their talks with a personal story about their relationship with their mother.

By creating curiosity and leaving the story unfinished until the end of the presentation, they engaged audiences effectively.

The power of storytelling helped them build relationships with major brands like Coca-Cola.

The Four C's of Listening

In this section, the speaker discusses the four essential elements of effective listening: compassion, commitment, consciousness, and curiosity. They emphasize how these elements contribute to engaging conversations.

The Four C's of Listening

Compassion: Showing empathy and understanding towards others while listening.

Commitment: Investing time and effort into active listening rather than treating it as a passive capability.

Consciousness: Being aware that active listening requires conscious effort and focus.

Curiosity: Cultivating curiosity in listeners by incorporating engaging stories that leave them wanting to know more.

The Impact of Curiosity and Stories

This section explores the impact of curiosity and storytelling on engaging listeners. The speaker emphasizes the importance of using stories to create curiosity and maintain audience interest.

Engaging through Curiosity

Curiosity is a fundamental aspect of effective listening.

By incorporating stories that pique curiosity, speakers can engage their audience more effectively# The Power of Storytelling and Understanding Listening

Becoming a Captivating Speaker

To speak in a captivating way, it is essential to become a good storyteller.

Storytelling can greatly enhance one's ability to engage an audience.

Understanding Unique Listening Styles

Each person has their own unique listening style, which is as distinct as their physical characteristics like irises or fingerprints.

It is a mistake to assume that others will receive your message in the same way you do.

Before speaking, it is crucial to consider the listening style of your audience or individual and adapt accordingly.

Different listenings exist throughout the day and vary from person to person.

By asking yourself "What's the listening I'm speaking into?", you can become more sensitive and attentive to others' needs.

The Importance of Adapting to Different Listenings

This section highlights how different listenings can occur based on various factors such as time of day or individual preferences. It emphasizes the need for sensitivity and conscious adaptation when communicating with others.

Gestalt Listening in Different Settings

In large gatherings, there is a collective listening known as Gestalt listening that changes over time.

For example, after lunch sessions may have listeners who are tired or less focused.

Being aware of these different listenings helps tailor communication strategies accordingly.

Sensitivity and Adaptation

It is important to be sensitive to cues such as body language, pheromones, intuition, etc., that indicate someone's preferred listening style.

By consciously considering the other person's listening style, you can adjust your pace, tone, or approach to better connect with them.

Cultural or political views should also be taken into account when trying to achieve effective communication.

The Power of Storytelling in Business Growth

This section discusses the role of storytelling in business growth and personal branding. The speaker shares their experience of using storytelling as a strategy to grow their business without relying on outbound sales teams.

Personal Branding and Speaking on Stage

Personal branding and speaking engagements were key strategies used by the speaker's company to achieve significant revenue growth.

By telling compelling stories during talks and presentations, they were able to attract major clients like Coca-Cola.

Instead of relying on outbound sales teams, storytelling became a powerful tool for business expansion.

The Four C's of Listening

In this section, the speaker introduces the four C's of listening - compassion, commitment, consciousness, and curiosity. They emphasize that engaging people through curiosity is crucial for effective communication.

The Four C's of Listening

Compassion: Showing empathy and understanding towards others' perspectives.

Commitment: Investing time and effort into active listening.

Consciousness: Being aware and present in the conversation.

Curiosity: Sparking interest through storytelling and leaving listeners curious about what happens next.

Engaging People Through Stories

This section highlights how stories can engage people by creating curiosity. It emphasizes the importance of satisfying that curiosity at the end to leave a lasting impact on listeners.

Creating Curiosity Through Stories

Starting a story but not immediately revealing its ending creates anticipation and curiosity among listeners.

Engaging people through stories helps maintain their interest throughout the conversation.

Satisfying curiosity by providing the ending of a story at the appropriate time leaves a lasting impact on listeners.

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