Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy

In this section, the speaker introduces Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and its potential benefits.

What is IFS?

• IFS is a transformative therapy that can help reduce stress and anxiety.

• It involves working with the different parts of our minds, almost like an internal family.

• Trauma and attachment injuries can force these parts into destructive roles, but they all have valuable qualities that can be accessed through therapy.

Understanding Parts of the Mind

• The mind is naturally subdivided into sub-personalities or "parts."

• This idea may be scary for some people who are used to thinking of themselves as having one mind with different thoughts and emotions.

How IFS Works

In this section, the speaker explains how IFS works in practice.

The Role of the Therapist

• The therapist helps clients identify their different parts and understand their roles.

• They create a safe space for clients to explore their inner world without judgment.

Working with Parts

• Clients learn to communicate with their parts directly and develop a relationship with them.

• By understanding each part's role, clients can help them transform into their naturally valuable states.

Conclusion

In this section, the speaker concludes by summarizing the key points about IFS therapy.

Key Takeaways

• IFS therapy involves working with the different parts of our minds to access their valuable qualities.

• The therapist helps clients understand and communicate with their parts to facilitate transformation.

• By transforming these parts, clients can reduce stress and anxiety and improve their overall well-being.

Internal Family Systems and Systems Thinking

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of systems thinking in internal family systems therapy. They highlight how traditional medicine has separated the body into discrete parts that don't communicate with each other, leading to misdiagnosis and ineffective treatment.

The Importance of Systems Thinking

• Internal family systems therapy focuses on understanding how different parts of a person's psyche relate to one another.

• Traditional medicine separates the body into discrete parts that don't communicate with each other, leading to misdiagnosis and ineffective treatment.

• Patients are often referred from specialist to specialist without any resolution or understanding of their symptoms.

• Giving a psychiatric diagnosis can be limiting and pathologizing, ignoring the larger context in which symptoms make sense.

Applying Systems Thinking

• Family therapy recognizes that you can't take an acting-out child out of their family and just tell them to cut it out; you have to see the context in which that behavior makes sense.

• Parts are forced into roles within a person's psyche due to dynamics within their inner family.

• By reorganizing these dynamics, parts can be freed from their roles and transform into naturally valuable states.

• This kind of systems thinking can be applied to all aspects of life, including chronic medical illness.

Processing Trauma

• Internal family systems therapy is one of the few forms of therapy that goes into trauma and processes it there and then.

• Talking therapies often involve repeatedly discussing trauma without processing it effectively.

• IFS allows individuals to go in, sort out trauma, and move on effectively.

Changing the Past

In this section, the speakers discuss how it is possible to change the past in one's inner world by retrieving and bringing back a part of oneself that is stuck in trauma. They also talk about how cognitive insight may not be enough to help with healing.

Retrieving Trauma

• One can retrieve a part of themselves that is stuck in trauma and bring it to a safe place.

• This process changes the past for that inner child, even though it doesn't change what happened in reality.

• Cognitive insight may not be enough to heal parts of oneself that are stuck in a limbic place.

Personal Experience

• The speaker shares their personal experience with this process during an IF session.

• During the session, they went back to a particular incident and vividly saw it before being guided by the therapist as their 40-year-old self to sit alongside their 5-year-old self.

• They spoke to themselves as a five-year-old and then spoke to their mother, who looked younger than she does now.

Rewriting Memories

In this section, the speakers discuss how memories can be rewritten during REM sleep cycles. They also talk about how our inner world impacts our outer world and body.

Rewriting Memories

• Memories can be rewritten during REM sleep cycles.

• What happens in our inner world has an impact on our outer world and body.

No Bad Parts

In this section, the speakers discuss how there are no bad parts within us. They also talk about a book that the speaker wrote on this topic.

No Bad Parts

• There are no bad parts within us.

• The speaker's latest book is titled "No Bad Parts."

Understanding the Inner World

In this section, the speaker discusses how our inner world is made up of different parts that are frozen in traumas and forced into extreme roles. These parts are not who we are, but rather valuable parts that need to be understood and integrated.

The Role of Parts

• Our inner world is made up of different parts.

• These parts are frozen in traumas and forced into extreme roles.

• It's a mistake to assume that the part is who we are.

• Parts causing symptoms or problems need to be understood and integrated.

The Self with a Capital S

• There is another person in us called the Self with a capital S.

• The Self has qualities such as calm, confidence, compassion, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, and connectedness.

• When we connect with our Self, we can heal and relate in a healing way both to parts and people.

Healing Yourself Heals Your Interactions with Others

In this section, the speaker explains how healing ourselves can lead to better interactions with others. By becoming compassionate towards every part inside us, we find it easier to be compassionate towards others.

Compassion for Every Part Inside Us

• Healing ourselves leads to better interactions with others.

• Becoming compassionate towards every part inside us makes it easier to be compassionate towards others.

• How we relate to these parts inside mirrors how we relate to people outside.

Understanding the Origins of Internal Family Systems Therapy

In this section, Dr. Richard Schwartz discusses the origins of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and how it was developed to help individuals with eating disorders.

The Origins of IFS Therapy

• Dr. Schwartz initially developed IFS therapy while working as a family therapist for individuals with eating disorders.

• He chose to focus on bulimia as a symptom that could be counted to show good outcomes.

• However, when his clients did not improve through traditional structural family therapy, he began asking why and discovered that they were describing their experiences in terms of "parts."

• These parts would attack them internally, leading to feelings of worthlessness and emptiness that were terrifying.

The Three-Part Cycle

• To cope with these feelings, clients would turn to binge eating which provided temporary relief but ultimately led to more attacks from their internal critic.

• This cycle of feeling attacked by parts, turning to binge eating for relief, and then being attacked again by the internal critic is a common pattern in many addictions.

• By understanding these three parts - the attacker, the vulnerable part, and the coping mechanism - therapists can help clients better understand their behavior and work towards healing.

Using Language Effectively

• Dr. Schwartz emphasizes using language effectively when discussing parts with clients. Instead of referring to them as sub-personalities or ego states, he uses the term "part" which is more user-friendly and accessible.

• By framing issues in terms of parts rather than labeling them as pathologies, clients can better understand and relate to their experiences.

Understanding the Burden of Pain and Fear

In this section, the speaker discusses how trauma affects individuals and how it leads to the creation of exiled parts that carry burdens of pain, fear, and worthlessness. These exiled parts are vulnerable and sensitive, but they become frozen in time after being hurt.

Exiled Parts

• Exiled parts are young, vulnerable, and sensitive parts of us that carry burdens of pain or fear from traumatic experiences.

• These exiled parts can make us feel perpetually hurt or triggered when they get activated.

• When we have a lot of exiles, we become more delicate and the world seems more dangerous because many things could trigger them.

Protectors

• Other parts are forced into roles called protectors that manage our lives so that nothing touches those exiles.

• Protectors can manage our relationships, appearance, performance, etc., to prevent others from hurting us.

• Inner critics are also a type of protector that criticizes us to motivate us to do better or run down our confidence so we stay small.

The Role of Firefighters in Managing Trauma

In this section, the speaker discusses firefighters as another type of protector that tries to counteract the pain or shame caused by exiles. Firefighters tend towards addictions or other behaviors that provide temporary relief from emotional pain.

Firefighters

• Firefighters are another type of protector who try to counteract the pain or shame caused by exiles.

• They tend towards addictions or other behaviors that provide temporary relief from emotional pain.

• Firefighters can be problematic because they can cause more harm than good in the long run.

The Importance of Self-Leadership

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of self-leadership in managing trauma. He discusses how we need to become aware of our different parts and learn to lead them effectively.

Self-Leadership

• Self-leadership is crucial for managing trauma effectively.

• We need to become aware of our different parts and learn to lead them effectively.

• This involves developing a relationship with each part and understanding its role in protecting us.

• By leading our parts effectively, we can integrate them into a cohesive whole and heal from past traumas.

Understanding Parts Wars in Couples Therapy

In this section, the speaker discusses how couples often fight due to their protective parts battling with each other. He shares an example of how he and his wife handle conflicts when their protectors take over.

Couples Fighting is Often Parts Wars

• Couples often come into therapy with "parts wars" where protective parts are battling with each other.

• When these parts take over, there is no self in sight, and the couple can't communicate effectively.

Handling Conflicts When Protectors Take Over

• The speaker shares an example of how he and his wife handle conflicts when their protectors take over. They call a time-out and go separate ways to do a "u-turn" in their focus.

• Instead of focusing on what's wrong with the partner, they focus inside and notice the part that was doing the talking and what it's protecting.

• Once they feel like they can be back in self, they invite each other back and speak from self for those parts to each other. They apologize for letting their protectors take over and speak for the hurt part that was triggered by something said during the conflict.

Practical Tips for Dealing with Protectors Taking Over

• Get away from your partner if you feel your protector taking over during a conflict. It takes practice to become aware of when your protector is taking over, but separating yourself physically can help you gain perspective on what's happening internally.

Understanding Protectors

In this section, the speaker discusses how to identify protectors and their impact on our body and mind.

Identifying Protectors

• Put the person in a room by themselves and observe them through a window.

• Notice what happens in your body and mind as that protector jumps in.

• Notice tightness and frustration in your muscles and mind.

Relating from an Open Heart

• Check how open your heart is.

• Look at the person through the window and notice how you feel towards them.

• Observe the person being themselves, which can help you feel more relaxed.

Compassion for Protectors

• Find the protector who was irritated earlier.

• Feel compassion towards it, but also frustration that it's there.

• Ask the frustrated part to step away so you can get to know the irritated protector better.

Letting Go of Protectors

• As the frustrated part steps away, notice how you feel lighter.

• Observe how your feelings towards the original protector have changed after stepping away from it.

Understanding and Communicating with Internal Parts

In this section, the speaker discusses their internal parts and how they communicate with them. They explore the role of one particular part in protecting them and discuss ways to communicate with it effectively.

Communicating with Protective Parts

• The speaker reflects on a protective part that was trying to protect them but is no longer necessary.

• They suggest saying words of appreciation to this part and observing its reaction.

• The protective part feels relieved when told it is no longer needed for protection.

• The speaker asks the protective part how old it thinks they are, and it responds with five years old. They suggest letting the part know that they are older than that and can handle more now.

Exploring Other Internal Parts

• The speaker asks the protective part if there are any other parts of them that might be afraid to heal or participate in this context (podcast). No fears arise except for whether anyone will find this helpful.

• The speaker then focuses on finding another vulnerable internal part around their stomach area, feeling love towards it as they breathe deeply into their stomach area.

• They express love towards this vulnerable internal part and observe its reaction.

Adam's Desire to be Loved

In this section, the speaker communicates with Adam and tries to understand his desire to be loved unconditionally.

Understanding Adam's Desire

• Adam wants to be loved unconditionally.

• He feels he has to do certain things in order to feel that love.

• This makes him feel like parts of him aren't acceptable by themselves.

Providing Support

• The speaker feels compassion for Adam and wants to show him love.

• The speaker lets Adam know that she understands how hard it is for him.

• The speaker goes back in time with Adam and tries to have fun with him while showing him love.

Helping Adam Deal with Others

• Adam wants the speaker to talk to other people who don't understand him.

• The speaker talks non-confrontationally and kindly, sharing a different perspective.

Conclusion

In this transcript, the speaker communicates with a person named Adam and tries to understand his desire for unconditional love. She provides support by showing compassion and going back in time with him. Additionally, she helps him deal with others who don't understand him by talking non-confrontationally.

Setting up a Fun Activity

The therapist sets up a fun activity for the patient to do in a different place.

Taking the Patient to the Woods

• The therapist takes the patient to the woods near his house where he likes to play.

• They have gone there on their bikes before.

Unloading Feelings and Beliefs

• The therapist asks if the patient is ready to unload the feelings and beliefs he got back there.

• The patient is ready.

• The therapist asks where he carries all that in his body or on his body.

• He says it's in his stomach.

• He wants to put it into a fire, so they set up a fire for him and tell him to take all that out of his stomach and let the fire take care of it until it's all gone.

Inviting Qualities into His Body

• The therapist tells him now if he'd like to, he could invite qualities into his body and see what comes into him whatever he'd like to have.

• He invites them in.

Checking In with Protective Part

The therapist checks in with the protective part of the patient after unloading feelings and beliefs.

Checking In with Protective Part

• They check in with the part that was protecting him.

• It feels satisfied that he doesn't need protecting anymore.

Conclusion

After completing therapy, they discuss how quickly the patient was able to step aside and how significant the session was.

Feeling Good

• The therapist asks how he feels now.

• He feels good actually, free in his body.

Significance of Session

• The therapist mentions that it felt pretty significant and quick because the patient brings so much self right away to the process.

• It's a thing of beauty to watch.

• They discuss how long it took and how it wasn't very long.

• The therapist compliments the patient on their progress.

Using IFS as a Compassionate Detective

In this section, the speaker describes how they use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to explore their inner world with curiosity and compassion.

IFS as a Tool for Self-Inquiry

• The speaker uses IFS to explore their inner world with curiosity and compassion.

• They aim to understand why different parts of themselves are present, rather than being annoyed by them.

Goals of IFS

• There are four goals of IFS:

• Liberation of parts from stuck roles.

• Restoring trust in the self as a leader.

• Bringing parts together to form new relationships.

• Being more self-led in the outside world.

Trusting Parts Through Curiosity and Compassion

• By approaching their inner world with curiosity and compassion, the speaker's parts come to trust them as a leader.

• Many protectors in our internal family systems are parentified children who were forced into roles they weren't equipped for, like a child who has to be the parent in their family context.

Parentified Children in Internal and External Worlds

In this section, the speaker discusses how some protectors become both internal parental children and external parentified children within family contexts.

Role of Parentified Children

• Some protectors became both internal parental children and external parentified children within family contexts.

• As a result, some parts may not have felt unconditional love.

The Four Goals of IFS

In this section, the speaker discusses the four goals of IFS in more detail.

The Four Goals of IFS

• The four goals of IFS are:

• Liberation of parts from stuck roles.

• Restoring trust in the self as a leader.

• Bringing parts together to form new relationships.

• Being more self-led in the outside world.

Becoming More Self-Led

In this section, the speaker discusses how becoming more self-led can lead to activism and making a difference in the world.

Becoming More Self-Led

• As people become more self-led through IFS, they may become more motivated to make a difference in the world and address injustice and imbalance.

• The speaker works with top activists to help them do their activism from a more self-led place.

Therapy and Inner Ecology

In this section, the speaker discusses how therapy is not just for sick people and how it can be used to detect what's going on in one's inner world. They also talk about the challenge of bringing therapy to the public in a safe way.

Therapy for Everyone

• Therapy is not just for sick people.

• The challenge is to bring therapy to the public in a safe way.

• Delicate inner ecology makes it challenging to bring therapy to the public.

• There is a version of therapy that can be brought to the public safely.

Understanding Oneself Better

In this section, the speaker talks about their personal experience with therapy and how it helped them understand themselves better. They also discuss how becoming a parent was a transformative experience that made them want to reframe their adaptations.

Personal Experience with Therapy

• The speaker went into therapy without an official diagnosis but had body complaints.

• After their dad died, they wanted to understand themselves better and why they made certain decisions.

• Becoming a parent was transformative and made them want to reframe their adaptations.

Inner Work with Kids

In this section, the speaker talks about working with kids in inner work. They discuss how kids get it right away because they haven't been socialized away from phenomena. Play therapy techniques are used with younger kids such as drawing parts or using puppets.

Working with Kids

• Many child therapists use inner work techniques with kids.

• Kids get it right away because they haven't been socialized away from phenomena.

• Play therapy techniques are used with younger kids such as drawing parts or using puppets.

The Power of Inner Work

In this section, the speaker talks about the power of inner work and how it can naturally lead to positive changes in one's life. They discuss how rather than trying to stop addictive behaviors, inner work can help those behaviors fall by the wayside.

The Power of Inner Work

• Inner work can naturally lead to positive changes in one's life.

• Addictive behaviors can fall by the wayside through inner work.

• Rather than trying to stop addictive behaviors, inner work goes to the part that does the addiction activity and tries to understand it.

Understanding Addiction and Personality

In this section, the speakers discuss addiction and personality. They talk about how traditional approaches to addiction may not be effective and how understanding the different parts of oneself can lead to a more compassionate approach.

Different Approach to Addiction

• Traditional approaches to addiction involve cutting out addictive behaviors.

• A more effective approach is to understand the different parts of oneself that contribute to addictive behavior.

• This approach involves making peace with these parts rather than trying to eliminate them.

Multiple Minds Within Us

• There are multiple minds within us, including protectors and exiles.

• These different parts can influence our personality and behavior.

• Making friends with these parts can lead to changes in one's personality.

Parts-Based Diagnosis

• Calling someone an "addict" or saying they have an "addictive personality" is limiting.

• A parts-based diagnosis is more accurate in describing a person's behavior.

• As a person heals, their parts shift into naturally valuable states.

Problematic Labels

• Labeling people with diagnoses can be problematic as it can become part of their identity.

• Shifting language from "I am depressed" to "a part of me feels depressed" can be helpful in changing one's relationship with their emotions.

Diagnosis and Symptom Management

In this section, the speaker discusses how medicine and psychiatry often focus on removing symptoms rather than understanding their root causes. They share a study where patients with moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis were able to achieve remission by focusing on their pain and getting curious about it.

Focusing on Symptoms

• The speaker uses a metaphor of a car dashboard to explain how medicine and psychiatry often try to remove symptoms without understanding their underlying causes.

• Attempts to get rid of symptoms can sometimes make them worse or lead to overmedication.

• A study was conducted with 30 patients with moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis who achieved remission by focusing on their pain and getting curious about it.

Self-Care After Treatment

• To maintain gains made during treatment, ongoing daily practice is necessary.

• Some people may be able to do a lot of work on their own, while others may need more support.

• Backlash can occur when someone goes deep into treatment too quickly, causing parts that didn't want them to go there in the first place to become upset.

Post-Treatment Care

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of self-care after undergoing treatment. They recommend ongoing daily practice and caution against backlash that can occur when someone goes too deep into treatment too quickly.

Maintaining Gains Made During Treatment

• Ongoing daily practice is necessary for maintaining gains made during treatment.

• Some people may be able to do a lot of work on their own, while others may need more support.

Backlash

• Backlash can occur when someone goes deep into treatment too quickly, causing parts that didn't want them to go there in the first place to become upset.

Becoming an IFS Therapist

In this section, the speaker expresses his desire to train as a therapist and discusses how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy could be useful for many patients.

The Usefulness of IFS Therapy

• 80-90% of medical issues are related to modern lifestyles.

• Society's definition of success and culture of overworking can lead to stress and physical symptoms.

• Willpower is not always effective in making lifestyle changes.

• IFS therapy could be useful for almost all patients.

Overcoming the Willpower Issue

In this section, the speaker discusses how IFS therapy can help individuals overcome their reliance on willpower when making lifestyle changes.

Negotiating with Different Parts

• Inner drill instructors can create inner polarizations that make it difficult to exercise without relying on willpower.

• As you heal, your protector relaxes, and you can exercise for the joy of it.

• Negotiation among different parts is necessary to make lasting lifestyle changes.

Resources for Learning More About IFS Therapy

In this section, the speaker provides resources for those interested in learning more about IFS therapy.

Online Resources

• The website ifs-institute.com has books, videos, and other resources available.

• No Bad Parts is an easy-to-read book available on Amazon.

• You're the One You've Been Waiting For is a book on couples therapy.

• There are many video lectures and examples of IFS therapy available on YouTube.

• The IFS UK group runs many trainings and has an active website.

Therapy and Attachment Theory

In this section, the speaker talks about attachment theory and how it can help people attach to themselves as caretakers. This frees up their partners to be secondary caretakers instead of primary ones.

Attachment Theory

• Attachment theory is influential in understanding how kids attach or don't attach to their caregivers.

• Relationship problems are often caused by exiles wanting to be taken care of by partners in ways they weren't by their parents.

• The foundation for self-leadership is a non-profit organization that sponsors research and educational programs related to attachment theory.

Benefits of Self-Care

• When people learn to take care of themselves, it frees up their partners to be secondary caretakers.

• Understanding one's inner world with compassion can lead to more compassion towards others.

• The self (with a capital S) is always present, even if one doesn't feel its qualities.

Understanding Internal Family Systems Therapy

In this section, the speaker talks about how people can use Internal Family Systems therapy to overcome their negative self-talk and transform their lives.

How to Use Internal Family Systems Therapy

• Some people can do it on their own or from reading the book.

• Some people need a therapist to help them.

• When you stop fighting with these protectors and start going to the exiles, everything starts to transform.

Why People Feel Lost in Life

In this section, the speaker discusses why people feel lost in life and what they can do about it.

Societal Changes

• Societies are less and less natural to the makeup of human beings from an evolutionary perspective.

• Children are being brought up under increasingly artificial and disconnected circumstances.