How To Be Assertive and Speak Powerfully (Don't Be too Polite)
How to Speak Powerfully and Assertively
Understanding the Relationship Between Power and Politeness
- The speaker, Bruce Lambert, emphasizes that the more powerful a speaker is in relation to the listener, the less politeness they need to use. This establishes a direct correlation between power dynamics and communication styles.
- In cultures like Japan, physical gestures such as bowing signify politeness and deference. In contrast, American culture relies on verbal expressions of deference rather than physical ones.
- A study involving pharmacists revealed that they often hesitated to assert themselves when communicating with physicians due to ingrained habits of verbal deference. They would hedge their recommendations instead of being direct.
Key Insights on Assertive Communication
- To speak powerfully, one should avoid excessive politeness. Politeness can be perceived as a form of ritual deference which undermines assertiveness.
- When making requests or offers, it’s crucial to communicate directly without hedging or indirectness. This approach enhances perceptions of power and assertiveness.
Caveats in Assertive Communication
- While being direct is generally effective for asserting power, caution is advised when interacting with individuals who hold significantly more institutional power (e.g., military superiors).
- Proper deference should still be shown in hierarchical situations; however, in ambiguous contexts regarding power dynamics, avoiding verbal deference can help establish one's authority.
Conclusion: The Balance Between Politeness and Power