Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse | Thomas Curran

The Problem with Perfectionism

In this section, the speaker discusses how perfectionism is often seen as a desirable trait and emblem of success, but in reality, it can lead to psychological difficulties such as depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation. The rise of perfectionism in society is also discussed.

Perfectionism Conceals Psychological Difficulties

• Many people see perfectionism as a desirable trait.

• However, there is limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.

• Perfectionists often feel discontented and dissatisfied.

• Clinician case reports show that perfectionism conceals psychological difficulties such as depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation.

Rise of Perfectionism in Society

• Over the last 25 years, perfectionism has risen at an alarming rate.

• This rise is linked to changes in society and personal identity.

• Young people today are more preoccupied with attaining the perfect life and lifestyle.

• Social media platforms like Instagram have contributed to this new visual culture where appearance of perfection is far more important than reality.

The American Dream

• The idea of hard work always paying off is at the heart of the American dream.

• However, this idea disguises a much darker reality for young people who are subject to ongoing economic tribunal.

The Harmfulness of Perfectionism

In this section, the speaker discusses how education is the first arena where measurement is publicly played out and metrics are used as a tool to improve standards and performance. Young people in America's big city high schools take some 112 mandatory standardized tests between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade. This leads to young people defining themselves in strict terms of grades, percentiles, and lead tables.

The Cycle of Self-Defeat

• Society preys on young people's insecurities about how they are performing and appearing to others.

• Every flaw or setback increases the need to perform more perfectly next time, or else one is considered a failure.

• Perfectionism leads individuals to expose their inner weaknesses to themselves and others.

• Perfectionism is about perfecting an imperfect self, leading individuals into a cycle of self-defeat.

Measuring Perfectionism

• Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett developed a self-report measure of perfectionism that captures three core elements: self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism.

• All three elements associate with compromised mental health including heightened depression, heightened anxiety, and suicide ideation.

• Socially prescribed perfectionism is by far the most problematic element as it creates a sense that everyone expects one to be perfect.

The Alarming Increase of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism

In this section, the speaker discusses the alarming increase in socially prescribed perfectionism among young people.

The Study

• Over 40,000 American, Canadian and British college students were studied.

• It took over three years to collate all of the information and write the report.

• All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time.

• Socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase.

Clinically Relevant Levels

• In 1989, only nine percent of young people reported clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.

• By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent.

• Projections indicate that almost one in three young people will report clinically relevant levels by 2050.

Consequences

• Socially prescribed perfectionists feel an unrelenting need to meet other people's expectations.

• This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

Hope for Perfectionists

• Perfectionists are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking.

• A little bit of self-compassion can turn these qualities into greater personal peace and success.

Caregivers' Role

• Parents can support their children unconditionally when they've tried but failed.

• Parents should resist helicopter-parenting as it communicates anxiety to their kids.

Society's Responsibility

• Our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people.

• We have a shared responsibility to create a society and culture in which young people need less perfection.

Conclusion

• Perfectionism is inevitable for young people who lack any purpose in life greater than how they are appearing or performing to other people.

• The endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness.

The Trap of Perfectionism

In this section, the speaker talks about how perfectionism can be harmful and inhuman.

Limitless Perfection is Inhuman

• The speaker questions when we will appreciate that limitless perfection is fundamentally inhuman.

• No one is flawless.

Embracing Imperfection

• To help young people escape the trap of perfectionism, we should teach them that life will often defeat us, but it's okay.

• Failure is not weakness.

• We should raise our children in a society that has outgrown the delusion of impossible perfection.

• Celebrating imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving can help young people enjoy mental, emotional, and psychological health.

Conclusion

• The speaker concludes by thanking the audience.