World Leading Psychologist: How To Detach From Overthinking & Anxiety: Dr Julie Smith | E122

Introduction

In this section, Stephen Bartlett introduces the guest, Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with over three million followers. They discuss how people deal with stress and pressure.

Childhood and Career Path

• Dr. Smith's interest in psychology began as a child when she read books about normal people in everyday situations.

• She studied psychology because it interested her and had no idea what jobs would be available at the end of it.

• Her advice to others is to follow their interests to find a job they love.

Understanding Human Nature

In this section, Stephen asks Dr. Smith about her understanding of human nature based on her experience as a clinical psychologist.

Predictability of Humans

• Dr. Smith has learned that humans are quite predictable in terms of how they react to certain situations.

• She initially thought that successful people were fundamentally different from others but has since learned that this is not the case.

Coping Mechanisms

• People tend to rely on instant gratification coping mechanisms like going to the fridge or grabbing wine instead of using skills like sitting with their emotions.

• The things that work in the long term are often hardest in the moment.

Therapy for Relationships

• Dr. Smith finds therapy helpful for looking at patterns and cycles that keep people stuck in their relationships.

Conclusion

Dr. Julie Smith shares insights into human nature based on her experience as a clinical psychologist. She emphasizes following one's interests to find a fulfilling career and using skills like sitting with emotions for long-term coping mechanisms.

Predictability and Surprises in Therapy

In this section, the clinical therapist discusses how predictability plays a role in therapy but also emphasizes that people will always surprise you. She explains that no two people are ever the same and that everyone has a unique story and set of experiences.

• Predictability exists in therapy, but it is important to never assume anything because people will always surprise you.

• No two people are ever the same, and everyone has a unique story and set of experiences.

Making Mental Health Advice Accessible

In this section, the clinical therapist talks about how she got started on TikTok despite being a private person working in a confidential career choice. She explains how she felt it was unfair for knowledge taught in therapy to be kept hidden away.

• The clinical therapist initially found it scary to put mental health advice on social media due to confidentiality agreements.

• She felt it was unfair for knowledge taught in therapy to be kept hidden away and wanted to make it more accessible.

Anomalies on TikTok

In this section, the interviewer asks how a clinical therapist like herself found her way onto TikTok with millions of followers. The clinical therapist talks about feeling like an anomaly as someone who works one-on-one with individuals in a private and confidential setting.

• The clinical therapist felt like an anomaly as someone who works one-on-one with individuals in a private and confidential setting.

• Despite feeling hesitant at first, she decided to make mental health advice more accessible by posting videos on TikTok after realizing how helpful her educational aspect of therapy was for some clients.

Sharing Mental Health Education on TikTok

In this section, the clinical therapist talks about how she started sharing mental health education on TikTok and the overwhelming response she received from people of all ages.

• The clinical therapist initially made a "rubbish" YouTube video with her husband's encouragement before discovering TikTok.

• She was hesitant to post educational content on TikTok but decided to do so after realizing how helpful it could be for people.

• People of all ages have responded positively to her videos, including parents and grandparents who use the information to help their children and grandchildren.

Introduction

In this section, the speaker talks about the importance of providing evidence-based tips and knowledge on mental health. They also discuss their experience with one-on-one coaching and how they balance it with their public work.

Providing Evidence-Based Tips

• People want evidence-based tips and knowledge on mental health.

• It's important to provide quality information that comes from a good place.

One-On-One Coaching

• The speaker still sees a few patients one-on-one but had to limit it due to overwhelming requests.

• They are trying to figure out how to manage one-on-one coaching around their public work.

Balancing One-On-One Coaching and Public Work

In this section, the speaker discusses their relationship with one-on-one coaching and public work. They talk about the benefits of working one-on-one with someone in a therapy room, as well as the impact of making videos that can reach millions of people.

Benefits of One-On-One Coaching

• Working one-on-one with someone in a therapy room is an incredible privilege.

• The therapy room becomes a sanctuary for clients, which is something the speaker loves.

Impact of Making Videos

• Making videos can potentially reach millions of people.

• The feedback, messages, and emails from viewers who are struggling make it worthwhile for the speaker.

Dealing With Feedback From Social Media

In this section, the speaker talks about their relationship with having millions of people who can message them at any time. They discuss how being vulnerable online can be tough and how they have had to practice what they preach when dealing with feedback from social media.

Being Vulnerable Online

• Being public and seen by people was not comfortable for the speaker.

• They have had to practice what they preach when dealing with feedback from social media.

Dealing With Feedback

• The speaker has a newfound respect for everyone who is brave enough to put themselves out there.

• They have had to learn how to deal with negative comments and feedback, which can be detrimental in many ways.

Understanding Rejection

In this section, the speaker talks about how rejection affects them and why it is difficult to deal with. They also discuss the nature of rejection in human history and how it relates to our desire for acceptance.

Rejection as a Threat

• The speaker finds criticism of who they are hardest to deal with.

• Rejection feels like a threat of being expelled from the tribe or community.

• Having millions of people give feedback can be difficult when some seem to reject you from the tribe.

• The feeling comes before rational thoughts about it.

Managing Rejection

• It's impossible not to care what others think, but managing those thoughts is key.

• When negative comments come up, it's important to consider what comes next and respond accordingly.

Core Beliefs and Rules for Living

• Core beliefs influence how we feel and behave, even if we're not consciously thinking about them.

• We develop rules for living that help us keep damaging core beliefs at bay.

• Breaking these rules triggers distressing core beliefs, causing real problems in relationships.

Relationships as Prison

In this section, the speaker talks about how her childhood experiences with her parents' relationship affected her own relationships. She also introduces cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) and how it can help people break out of negative relationship patterns.

Childhood Experiences and Relationship Patterns

• The speaker thought her father was in prison for her entire childhood because of his tumultuous relationship with her mother.

• The speaker realized that this belief had led to an avoidant behavioral pattern in which she would run away from romantic relationships once they became serious.

• CAT looks at the relationships people have when they are young and how those early experiences shape their behavior in adult relationships.

• People develop survival strategies or coping mechanisms in response to difficult childhood relationships, but these strategies may no longer be useful in adulthood.

Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns

• CAT helps people recognize patterns and cycles in their relationships so that they can choose whether to continue them or break out of them.

• Journaling and reflecting on experiences can also help people identify patterns of behavior and work through them.

• Breaking negative relationship patterns is not easy, but having good friendships and trusted confidants can make a difference.

The Process of Therapy and Imposter Syndrome

In this section, the speaker discusses the process of therapy and how it can be recreated with a trusted friend or loved one. They also talk about imposter syndrome and other psychological challenges that come with growing a big platform.

Recreating Therapy with a Trusted Friend or Loved One

• The process of therapy involves recreating aspects of it with a trusted friend or loved one.

• It is not a replacement for therapy, but it can be helpful.

Imposter Syndrome and Other Psychological Challenges

• Imposter syndrome is one of the psychological challenges that come with growing a big platform.

• Other challenges include dealing with claims that you got lucky and contending with noise as you become more successful at what you do.

• It's hard work to grow a big platform, especially when it's new and very public.

• There's an element of timing involved in becoming successful, such as tapping into new social media platforms during the pandemic.

• It's uncomfortable to deal with noise and criticism, especially when it's baseless.

Balancing Work and Family Life

In this section, the speaker talks about balancing work and family life while growing a big platform.

Balancing Work Around Children

• The speaker had been running a small private practice before growing their platform to balance work around their children.

• Growing their platform has been uncomfortable because it's very public and out of their comfort zone.

• They've had to get up early in the morning to make videos for TikTok before their kids wake up.

Dealing With Success While Maintaining Balance

• As they became more successful, they questioned whether they even wanted it and waited for the feedback to stop.

• It's been nearly impossible to balance work and family life while growing their platform.

• They kept going because they felt like it was temporary and that they would have helped a few people along the way.

Dealing With Noise as You Become More Successful

In this section, the speaker talks about dealing with noise as you become more successful at what you do.

The Unavoidable Consequence of Success

• Dealing with noise is an unavoidable consequence of becoming more successful at what you do.

• It's difficult to balance work and personal life when there's so much noise to contend with.

• The speaker also struggles with this issue, especially with the success of their podcast and joining Dragon's Den.

Mission vs. Private Life

• The speaker feels a sense of mission in what they do but also wants to maintain a private life.

• They question whether they should stop doing what they're doing or continue despite the noise.

• Maintaining relationships is important, but it can be challenging when there's so much noise to deal with.

Balancing Public Life and Privacy

In this section, the speakers discuss the balance between public life and privacy. They talk about how it's okay to want a quiet or private life, and that it's important to reflect on your own values when making choices.

Striving for Extraordinary vs. Intrinsic Values

• None of the choices have to be permanent.

• You can play around with different lifestyles to find what works best for you.

• It's important to question whether you're striving for extraordinary things just because society tells you to.

• The speakers discuss their own experiences with balancing public life and privacy.

Sticking to Your Values

• It's important to stick to the reason why you started something in the first place.

• Protecting your children while still living a normal life is crucial.

• Constantly edging from one position to another is normal, and learning from these experiences is key.

Trying New Huel Flavors

In this section, one of the speakers talks about trying new flavors of Huel, a meal replacement drink.

Trying Different Flavors

• The speaker has tried several different flavors of Huel over time.

• The banana flavor ready-to-drink is their current favorite.

• The iced coffee caramel flavor has been a recent favorite as well.

Understanding Our Values and Goals

In this section, the speakers discuss understanding our values and goals, as well as how to deal with certain situations.

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

• The speakers discuss the book "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" by Anna Akbari.

• The book centers around understanding our real values and goals, and how to deal with certain situations.

Values vs Goals

In this section, the speaker explains the difference between values and goals in therapy.

Values as a Pathway

• A value is a pathway that extends throughout one's life.

• Life will take you in different directions, but it's important to always evaluate and know where your values lie so that you can pull back in that direction.

• It's a winding path where sometimes you're pulling away from it and sometimes you're going back towards it.

Value Check-ins

• Doing value check-ins is an exercise to look at what's important to you.

• Look at different areas of your life such as family, intimate relationships, health, creativity, lifelong learning, career contribution.

• Rate how important each area is to you on a scale of 1 to 10.

• Rate how much you feel like you're living in line with each area on the same scale.

• Use this exercise to identify discrepancies between what's important to you and how much you're living in line with it.

Living in Line with Your Values

In this section, the speaker discusses how to live in line with your values.

Responding to Difficulties

• It's not about what happens to you or what you want to happen; it's about how you want to respond and who do you want to be when faced with difficulties.

• Identify what kind of person do I want to be? What kind of partner do I want? What kind of employee do I want?

Enthusiasm as a Value

• Enthusiasm can be a value for some people.

• You can rate how important enthusiasm is to you and how much you're living in line with it.

• Doing this exercise can help identify areas of your life where you need to pay attention to live in line with your values.

Understanding Your Values

In this section, the speaker discusses how to understand your values.

Narcissistic Delusions of Grandeur

• The speaker stumbled upon a video on YouTube where the person exhibited certain narcissistic delusions of grandeur.

• It's difficult to understand whether something is a value or based on an inherent deep childhood insecurity.

Identifying Your Values

• Doing value check-ins is a way to identify what's important to you.

• Look at different areas of your life such as family, intimate relationships, health, creativity, lifelong learning, career contribution.

• Identify what kind of person do I want to be? What kind of partner do I want? What kind of employee do I want?

Living in Line with Your Values

• Use value check-ins to identify discrepancies between what's important to you and how much you're living in line with it.

• Use this exercise as a tool for self-reflection and not self-criticism.

Understanding the Difference Between Cause-Based and Insecurity-Driven Aspirations

The speaker discusses how to differentiate between cause-based and insecurity-driven aspirations, acknowledging that it can be difficult to do so. She emphasizes the importance of regular values check-ins as our circumstances and values change over time.

Differentiating Between Cause-Based and Insecurity-Driven Aspirations

• Family connections are often cause-based aspirations, while insecurities drive other types of aspirations.

• It can be challenging to distinguish between the two.

• Regular values check-ins are essential because our circumstances and values change over time.

• Values may shift as we gain more life experience.

Making Meaningful Changes in Life Direction

The speaker discusses how people make meaningful changes in their lives. She emphasizes that sustainable change is made carefully through a process of reflection and action, rather than through drastic decisions.

Making Sustainable Change

• Big, meaningful changes are not made drastically or quickly.

• Sustainable change is made carefully through a process of reflection and action.

• Reflection involves evaluating whether a particular direction is working for us or if we need to change course.

• Habits play an important role in making sustainable changes.

Turning Bad Days into Not So Bad Days

The speaker discusses how our decisions, moods, actions, and behavior are fundamentally linked. She suggests that thinking your way out of a bad mood can be difficult but offers alternative methods for improving one's mood.

Improving Your Mood

• Thinking your way out of a bad mood can be challenging; using specific skills may help.

• Exercise, music, singing, human connection (e.g., hugs), and other activities can create significant shifts in the moment.

• Sometimes, the quickest way to impact your mind is through your body.

• Human connection can lead to a shift in emotion.

Importance of Understanding Your Own Experience

In this section, the speaker discusses how everyone has a different experience of things like music or exercise. However, understanding your own experience and what works for you can help create small shifts in the moment.

Understanding Your Own Experience

• Everyone has a different experience of things like music or exercise.

• Understanding your own experience and what works for you can help create small shifts in the moment.

Importance of Sleep

In this section, the speaker talks about how important sleep is in terms of our mood and mindset. She also discusses how lack of sleep can impact performance at work.

Impact of Lack of Sleep

• Lack of sleep impacts how we feel and our performance at work.

• It's important to take sleep seriously even when there's more to be done than can be done.

• The idea that "you sleep when you die" is detrimental because lack of sleep can make you die sooner.

Balancing Work and Sleep

• It's always a tight rope balancing work and sleep.

• The speaker doesn't have it all sorted out and doesn't want to perpetuate the notion that she does.

Tools for Facing Life's Problems

In this section, the speaker talks about how her success with creating content hasn't made her invincible. She emphasizes that these tools are not the key to a problem-free life but rather an arsenal to face those problems with.

Success Doesn't Make You Invincible

• Success doesn't make you invincible.

• These tools are not the key to a problem-free life but rather an arsenal to face those problems with.

Motivation and Work

In this section, the speaker talks about how motivation can shift when something becomes extrinsically motivated. She discusses how keeping her initial reason for creating content in mind helps her stay motivated.

Shift in Motivation

• Motivation can shift when something becomes extrinsically motivated.

• Keeping her initial reason for creating content in mind helps the speaker stay motivated.

Managing Overload

In this section, the speaker discusses how overload can affect motivation and offers insights on how to manage it.

Understanding Overload

• Overload is a sign of being overextended and can negatively impact motivation.

• Motivation is not reliable as it comes and goes. It's important to remember why you started something and the values behind it to keep going.

• Society's ideals of perfection contribute to overload. It's okay to have smaller goals than others.

Coping with Overload

• To cope with overload, use your family as a barometer for what you can handle while being the parent you want to be.

• Use a values filter when making decisions about what you can handle.

Navigating Success

In this section, the speaker discusses navigating success in terms of growing an audience and managing demands on time.

Growing an Audience

• The speaker may have 20-40 million followers in the future.

• Producing more content will grow your audience even more.

Managing Demands on Time

• As demands increase, it's important to prioritize family as a center point.

• Use family as a baseline for determining if something will have a detrimental effect or not.

Balancing Emotions

In this section, the speaker discusses the balance of embracing emotions versus ignoring them. They explain that it is important to open up gradually to emotions in small ways and with support.

Coping with Unsafe Emotions

• Some people find it unsafe to experience emotions due to past experiences.

• Therapists do not advise opening the floodgates but instead gear people up with tools to cope with their emotions.

• Trauma therapy involves going over trauma after gearing up with coping mechanisms.

Gradual Emotional Opening

• People who shut down emotionally should open up gradually to less overwhelming emotions in supported ways.

• This helps manage emotions without being overbearing.

Hidden Coping Mechanisms

• Many people block out their emotions without realizing it through behaviors like binge eating or watching Netflix for hours.

• It's important to look at these behaviors curiously rather than judgmentally.

Behavioral Responses to Stress

In this section, the speaker talks about how they used to pretend everything was fine when running a business, but their body would tell them otherwise. They also discuss how men are often worse at talking about their feelings due to societal stigmas.

Pretending Everything Is Fine

• The speaker used to pretend everything was fine when running a business, even during high-stress moments.

• Their body would tell them otherwise through sickness or bad skin days later on.

Men and Talking About Feelings

• Men are often worse at talking about their feelings due to societal stigmas.

• The speaker has noticed changes in behavior like eating habits when they're pretending everything is fine.

Working in Private Practice

In this section, the speaker talks about her decision to leave the NHS and work in private practice. She also discusses how word of mouth has been a significant factor in building her client base.

Leaving the NHS

• The speaker left the NHS to work in private practice so that she could manage her work around family commitments.

• She initially planned to advertise her services but found that word of mouth was enough to build her client base.

Word of Mouth

• Therapy is a private matter, and people tend to share their positive experiences with others through word of mouth.

• People who have struggled and found ways to cope are often willing to share their tools with others.

• This sharing helps reduce stigma around mental health issues.

Coping Strategies for Unaddressed Issues

In this section, the speaker talks about coping strategies for people who have unaddressed issues that are causing them distress.

Human Connection

• Even if someone doesn't have access to therapy or doesn't feel comfortable talking about their issues, human connection is essential.

• Finding someone you trust to talk to can be helpful. If there's no one available, writing down your thoughts can be beneficial.

Reflection

• Reflecting on experiences without judgment can help identify patterns and triggers.

• In therapy, clients often explore what led up to a particular feeling or behavior and what came after it.

Instant Relief vs. Long-Term Solutions

In this section, the speaker talks about how instant relief behaviors can keep us stuck in cycles of self-harm.

Instant Relief Behaviors

• Instant relief behaviors like eating or drinking provide quick relief but keep us stuck in cycles of self-harm.

• These behaviors become addictive because they work instantly.

Long-Term Solutions

• The things that tend to work in the long term are harder to do in the moment, like sitting with your feelings and using skills to get through them.

• Coping strategies that work instantly keep us stuck, while those that work in the long term require more effort but lead to better outcomes.

Building Confidence

In this section, the speaker talks about building confidence and how it is essential for personal growth.

The Importance of Confidence

• Confidence is at the core of many issues people face.

• Lack of confidence can hold people back from achieving their goals.

Building Confidence

• Confidence cannot grow if we are never willing to be without it.

• Taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones can help build confidence over time.

Building Confidence

In this section, the speaker talks about how being willing to be in situations where you feel vulnerable is important for building confidence. They also discuss the importance of repetition and doing things that make you nervous in manageable doses.

Importance of Vulnerability

• Being willing to be in situations where you feel vulnerable is important for building confidence.

• If you're only ever willing to be in situations where you feel confident, then your confidence can't grow beyond that.

• Your comfort zone will gradually expand as you do things that make you nervous.

Importance of Repetition

• The more you do something, the more your brain will get better at automating it for you.

• Repetition is important for building confidence and overcoming anxiety.

Acting Based on Values

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of making decisions based on values rather than feelings. They explain how acting based on values can lead to a life of meaning.

Making Decisions Based on Values

• It's important to make decisions based on values rather than feelings about how much of something we want or how important it is.

• Acting based on values can lead to a life of meaning even if it's not always comfortable.

Dealing with Emotions

• Emotions are not good or bad; they are information from our brains about what might be going on around us.

• Looking at emotions with curiosity instead of judgment can help us work through difficult moments and respond in line with our deeply held values.

The Danger of Identifying with Our Thoughts

In this section, the speaker discusses how our thoughts are a reflection of who we are and why it is dangerous to identify with them, especially in high emotional situations.

Thoughts as Reflections of Who We Are

• Our thoughts are a reflection of who we are.

• It is dangerous to think that the thoughts that pop into our heads say something about who we are or that we chose them in some way.

• Thoughts will pop into your head, and it's what you do next with them that matters.

Intrusive Thoughts and Self-Judgment

• People can struggle with intrusive thoughts and judge themselves for having had the thought.

• Trying not to have a thought sets you up for failure because you're already having it by thinking about not having it.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion

In this section, the speaker talks about self-esteem and its limitations. They suggest that self-compassion may be more helpful than self-esteem in certain situations.

Limitations of Self-Esteem

• There has been controversy around the idea of self-esteem recently.

• High self-esteem can be lovely but not always useful depending on the situation.

Importance of Self-Compassion

• A much more helpful way of looking at oneself is through self-compassion.

• Treating oneself with compassion is doing what's best for oneself even if one has low self-esteem.

The Relationship Between Self-Esteem and Confidence

In this section, the speaker discusses the relationship between self-esteem and confidence. They suggest that self-esteem is based on evidence we've collected from our experiences about the world.

Self-Esteem Based on Evidence

• Self-esteem is based on a bunch of evidence we've collected from our experiences about the world.

• Low self-esteem can be due to childhood rejections or other negative experiences that we take as evidence of our inadequacy.

Importance of Honesty and Compassion

• It's important to be honest with oneself in situations where one isn't doing well.

• Treating oneself with compassion means doing what's best for oneself in any given situation.

The Power of Action Over Words

In this section, the speaker discusses how words provide very little evidence for anything other than a prompt. She emphasizes that action is the best way to feel better about oneself.

Action vs. Words

• Accumulated evidence over one's life can be stronger than nice fluffy words.

• Taking action is the best way to feel better about oneself.

• Affirmations can be helpful when they are instructional and not used to turn around core beliefs.

The Detrimental Effect of Affirmations on Low Self-Esteem

In this section, the speaker talks about how affirmations can have a detrimental effect on people with low self-esteem if they don't believe in them.

The Problem with Affirmations

• Affirmations work well for people who already feel lovable.

• If someone has core beliefs that they're not lovable, repeating an affirmation like "I am lovable" can set up an internal argument and make them feel worse.

Breath Work and Anxiety Relief

In this section, the speaker discusses how breath work can help relieve anxiety and improve mood.

The Role of Breathing in Anxiety Relief

• Breathing exercises are one of the quickest ways to slow down anxiety response.

• Box breathing or square breathing is a simple technique where you breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and then hold your breath again for four seconds.

Breathing Techniques for Stress Relief

In this section, the speaker discusses how breathing techniques can help calm the body's response to stress and anxiety.

The Importance of Slow Breathing

• When feeling anxious or panicking, breathing slowly can be difficult.

• Extending the out-breath longer than the in-breath can help calm the body's response quickly.

• Our breath changes when we are in high-stress situations or feeling anxious due to prehistoric reasons.

Benefits of Breath Work

• Practicing slow breathing helps override shallow breath during stressful moments.

• Breath work is linked to meditation and helps slow down heart rate and other bodily responses.

• Simple techniques like breath work are often underestimated but have a significant impact on reducing stress.

Living More Like a Human Being

In this section, the speaker talks about how modern life has made us live like cyborgs and how getting back to basics like sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc., can help us live more like human beings.

The Journey Back to Being Human

• Modern life is making us live like cyborgs without emotions.

• Getting back to basics like sleep, nutrition, exercise can help reduce symptoms that we diagnose as flaws or signs of being broken.

• We need to get back to being humans again by avoiding avoidance of basic things that human beings have always done.

Coping with Stress and Choosing Your Values

In this section, the speaker talks about how people blame themselves for feeling worn out when it's actually the environment and pressures that make it worse. She emphasizes that privileged positions allow us to choose what is most healthy and meaningful for us based on our own values.

The Importance of Choice

• Privileged positions allow us to choose what is most healthy and meaningful for us.

• Having choice is a privilege, and we should exercise control over certain parts of life.

• Some stresses cannot be chosen, but there are tools to deal with them.

Death as a Source of Meaning

• Accepting one's mortality can be a source of meaning in life.

• Realizing that things are finite can help filter out decisions and make every moment more precious.

Scarcity Principle: Making Things More Valuable

In this section, the speaker talks about how scarcity can make things more valuable. She uses the example of booking.com showing only one hotel room left to convince people that the hotel has more value. She also believes that death makes things scarce, which attributes more value to them.

Scarcity Principle

• Scarcity principle convinces people that something has more value.

• Death makes things scarce, which attributes more value to them.

Living a Meaningful Life

In this section, the speaker talks about commitment therapy and how it can help people live a meaningful life. They also discuss the importance of relationships in achieving a happy life.

Commitment Therapy

• Commitment therapy involves asking people what they want their life to look like when they are older and looking back on it.

• The goal is to identify what needs to be included in their life for them to feel satisfied with how they lived it.

• For the speaker, this includes touching people's lives positively, being present in their children's lives, and being a positive influence on them.

Importance of Relationships

• Relationships are an important part of living a meaningful life.

• Although complex, relationships are essential for human connection and stress resilience.

• Good quality human connections can change the way our body deals with stress without medication or anything else.

• Social media sets unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships that cause problems.

• Two relationship myths discussed include: love shouldn't be hard and you don't always need to be together.

Relationship Myths Debunked

In this section, the speaker debunks two common relationship myths: love shouldn't be hard and you always need to be together.

Love Shouldn't Be Hard

• Relationships will have issues that need addressing; social media has made perfection seem normal but is not realistic.

You Always Need To Be Together

• It is okay not to be together all the time; having separate spaces can be beneficial for some couples.

Insecurity in Relationships

The lack of discussion around relationships can lead to insecurity and knee-jerk reactions. This can cause people to question if they are getting their relationship right or wrong.

Relationship Standards

• Knee-jerk reactions occur when people's experiences differ from what they know to be true.

• Social expectations of how a relationship should be going can destroy relationships.

• Having more words to describe how you feel is better than treating things in a non-binary way.

• It's better to go with what you're dealing with at that point rather than following the world's standards.

Feeling Unloved

• It's important to reflect on how you feel, not just if your partner has met certain standards.

• There may be a build-up of resentment because needs haven't been expressed.

• Struggling with oneself can affect one's relationship, leading to a cycle.

Relationship with Oneself

Depression and poor self-talk can make it difficult for individuals to sustain positive relationships.

Self-Love

• When someone becomes depressed, their relationship with themselves becomes very poor, making it difficult for them to manage their relationships positively.

• Struggling with oneself affects one's relationship, leading to a cycle.

• Life doesn't work like "don't love anyone else until you love yourself." We all work on ourselves for years.

Happiness and Life Roller Coaster

Happiness is not constant, and life is a roller coaster for everyone.

Happiness

• Happiness is not constant; it's a feeling like anything else.

• Life is a roller coaster for everyone, and there will be times when one doesn't feel happy.

• It's important to have one's own back during difficult times.

Spending Time Outdoors

In this section, the speaker talks about how they would spend more time outdoors if they didn't have to work and their kids didn't have school.

More Time at the Beach

• The speaker loves being outdoors with their kids.

• They would spend more time at the beach, on the coast, or in the forest with their dog.

• Normal life stuff like school and work gets in the way of spending more time outside.

Importance of a Book

In this section, the interviewer praises the book and its author for its inclusivity and ease of reading.

Easy to Read

• The book is inclusive and easy to read.

• It will help people who are intimidated by long books.

• The book is perfect for traveling since it can be read in small chunks.

Thank You

• The interviewer thanks the author for writing such a brilliant book.

• They acknowledge that helping others is an important cause.

• The interviewee expresses gratitude for being invited to speak.