How to ask for help -- and get a "yes" | Heidi Grant

The Art of Asking for Help

In this talk, Amanda Palmer discusses the importance of asking for help and how to do it effectively. She shares personal anecdotes and research findings to explain why people often struggle with asking for help and provides tips on how to overcome these challenges.

The Fear of Asking for Help

• Many people are afraid to ask for help because it feels uncomfortable and embarrassing.

• We try to avoid asking for help whenever possible, even though it's often foolish not to.

• Some individuals, like the speaker's father, would rather drive through an alligator-infested swamp than ask someone for help.

Why People Say Yes or No

• To get comfortable with asking for help, we need to increase the chances that people will say yes when we ask.

• Research has shown that some people say yes because they find helping others satisfying and rewarding.

• However, if you need help, you have to ask out loud because people cannot read your mind.

How to Ask Effectively

• When you ask for help, be specific about what you want and why. Vague requests are not helpful.

• Use the words "I need your help" when making a request. This is more effective than indirect requests.

• Be aware that helpers want to give good help but can only do so if they know what is expected of them.

Tips for Asking for Help

In this talk, Dr. Wayne Baker shares four tips on how to ask for help effectively. He explains why it is important to be clear about what you want, avoid disclaimers and bribes, make requests in person or over the phone, and follow up with people who have helped you.

Be Clear About What You Want

• When asking for help, be specific about what you want.

• Avoid using disclaimers and apologies when making a request.

• Do not offer bribes or incentives to friends or coworkers.

Make Requests in Person or Over the Phone

• Avoid asking for help over email or text as it can feel impersonal.

• In-person requests are 30 times more likely to get a yes than requests made by email.

Follow Up with People Who Have Helped You

• Following up with people who have helped you shows that their efforts were appreciated.

• Feeling effective is rewarding when helping others; knowing how your help affected someone is important.

Conclusion

Asking for help can be uncomfortable but being clear about what you want, avoiding disclaimers and bribes, making requests in person or over the phone, and following up with people who have helped you can make the process easier and more effective.

The Importance of Acknowledging Help

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging help from others and how it can lead to continued support over time.

Acknowledge Help Received

• Take time to tell your colleague that their help led to a big sale or interview.

• Tell your partner that their support helped you through a tough time.

• Even acknowledge small things like a catsitter doing a good job.

Asking for Help is Not Easy

In this section, the speaker acknowledges that asking for help can be difficult and make us feel vulnerable.

Fear of Vulnerability

• It's not easy to ask for help.

• Asking for help makes us feel vulnerable.

Relying on Others in Modern Life

In this section, the speaker highlights how modern work and life require us to rely on others for success.

Collaboration is Key

• Nobody succeeds alone.

• We have to rely on other people's support and collaboration more than ever before.

Conclusion: Ask for Help Out Loud

In this final section, the speaker encourages listeners to ask for help out loud in a way that increases their chances of getting a yes and makes the other person feel good about helping.

Asking for Help Effectively

• When you need help, ask out loud.

• Ask in a way that increases your chances of getting a yes and makes the other person feel awesome.