Give Me 30 Minutes and I'll Make You Confident & Remove ALL Your Self Doubt! with Jay Shetty

What Do People Really Want?

Authenticity Over Perfection

• People prefer authenticity and vulnerability over perfection; they seek real connections rather than polished performances.

• The desire for presence and genuine human interaction outweighs the appeal of someone who appears to have everything together.

The Challenge of Lack of Support

Feeling Unsupported

• J Shetty introduces the theme of feeling unsupported in personal endeavors, a common sentiment he encounters globally.

• Many individuals fear that their close circles will undermine their ambitions before they can even begin to pursue them.

Creating Proof Instead of Seeking Validation

Cognitive Bias: False Consensus Effect

• Shetty emphasizes the importance of creating proof rather than seeking external validation, referencing the false consensus effect.

• This cognitive bias leads people to overestimate how much others share their opinions or understand their ideas.

Understanding Misunderstanding

• The false consensus effect illustrates that just because an idea seems obvious to one person doesn't mean it is clear to others.

• Individuals often assume their brilliance is evident, but this assumption can lead to disappointment when others do not respond as expected.

Taking Action Over Waiting for Belief

Proving Your Ideas

• Shetty encourages listeners to create tangible evidence of their ideas—like samples or demos—to demonstrate viability instead of merely pitching concepts.

• He stresses that waiting for belief from others can lead to stagnation; action is essential for progress and self-validation.

Rejection as Reflection

Understanding Rejection

• Rejection often stems from others' insecurities and fears rather than a reflection on one's potential or ideas.

• Shetty explains that people's negative responses may mirror their past experiences, not necessarily indicating your future success.

Moving Beyond Projection

• It's crucial not to let someone else's projection dictate your path; understanding this can empower you to pursue your goals despite external doubts.

Reflecting on Doubt and Resistance

Understanding Projection and Feedback

• When faced with doubt from others, reflect on whether their opinions stem from their own limitations rather than your potential. People often project their fears onto your aspirations.

• Avoid taking advice from those who live a life you do not aspire to. Loud opinions may lack the depth of lived experience, which is crucial for meaningful feedback.

• Recognize that concerns expressed by friends or family about your ambitions often reflect their values around security and stability, not necessarily a reflection of your capabilities.

• Sarah Blakeley, founder of Spanx, chose not to share her business idea with her family to avoid negative feedback. This highlights the importance of selective sharing when pursuing dreams.

• Sharing ideas prematurely can dilute your energy and focus; seek validation only after putting in the necessary work.

The Role of Doubt as a Tool

• Utilize doubt as a means to sharpen focus rather than as an obstacle. The challenge stress model suggests that pressure can enhance performance.

• Transform criticisms into constructive checklists; use them to refine your approach instead of allowing them to deter you from pursuing your goals.

• Understand that support does not always equate to strength; sometimes resistance is what truly builds resilience and determination in achieving success.

Embracing Resistance for Growth

• Rather than resenting challenges, embrace them as opportunities for growth. They help clarify focus and strengthen resolve.

• Don’t wait for external validation or opportunities; take initiative in every situation available to you, regardless of its scale or audience size.

Shifting Perspectives on Progress

• Cultivate gratitude for small achievements; recognize that even modest audiences are significant milestones in personal development.

• Balance perspectives by acknowledging both how far you've come and how far you still need to go—this duality fosters motivation without falling into discouragement or arrogance.

Finding Humility Through Reflection

• Strive for humility by recognizing progress while remaining aware of future challenges. This balance helps maintain momentum without succumbing to ego-driven pitfalls.

Humility and Proof: Allies in Your Lifelong Journey

Building a Belief Battery from Strangers

• Humility and proof are essential for personal growth; they serve as allies on the journey of life.

• The Ben Franklin effect suggests that engaging with strangers in small, reciprocal ways can build trust more quickly than interactions with friends or family.

• Research indicates that strangers may be more supportive of new ideas because they lack emotional ties to your past failures or doubts.

• Adam Grant's research highlights that those closest to you may unconsciously anchor you to your past identity, limiting their belief in your potential.

• This phenomenon is termed "identity anchoring," where people compare your current self to who you used to be, which can hinder their support.

The Power of Strangers' Support

• A notable example from the movie The Founder illustrates how Ray Kroc had to prove his business idea's worth due to skepticism from friends familiar with his past failures.

• Strangers view your work without preconceived notions, allowing them to appreciate it for what it is rather than what it was.

• The takeaway is not to be discouraged by a lack of support from expected sources; instead, recognize that future supporters may come from unexpected places.

• Encouragement comes from showing up and building connections outside your immediate circle; seek out those who resonate with your vision.

• Actionable advice includes reaching out online to three individuals doing what you aspire to do—engage with them through comments or messages.

Creating Before You Feel Confident

• Confidence does not precede action; rather, taking action fosters confidence. This principle is known as the competence-confidence loop.

• To build confidence, start with microactions related to your goals—launching drafts or offering services—even if you're not fully confident yet.

• Albert Bandura’s self-efficacy theory emphasizes that confidence arises from experience and action rather than waiting for readiness.

• Each imperfect attempt contributes evidence of capability, reinforcing belief in oneself over time through mastery experiences.

• Observing others succeed can enhance one's own sense of opportunity; seeing peers thrive encourages personal ambition rather than diminishes it.

Building Confidence Through Action

The Role of Action in Building Confidence

• Celebrating small successes and providing verbal encouragement can significantly reduce fear and anxiety, fostering confidence through exposure rather than perfection.

• True confidence is built through three key actions: choosing discomfort, keeping promises to oneself, and building competence.

Embracing Vulnerability

• Making failure public can strategically enhance success; vulnerability fosters trust and support from others when risks are openly acknowledged.

• Sharing your journey with honesty—acknowledging potential failures while committing to the process—earns respect and reduces pressure associated with perfection.

Authenticity Over Perfection

• People prefer authenticity over perfection; they connect more deeply with those who show vulnerability rather than a polished facade.

• Real-time thought processes during presentations or discussions resonate more powerfully than flawless delivery, emphasizing the human connection.

Motivation and Purpose

• Focus on proving yourself right instead of trying to prove others wrong; intrinsic motivation leads to longer-lasting success compared to revenge-driven goals.

• Writing a personal mission statement helps clarify motivations that are rooted in self-belief rather than external validation.

Believing in Your Vision

• Early belief in your idea is crucial; if you can't stand alone for a while, you may not be ready for future support or recognition.

• Encouragement comes later; initial skepticism often indicates you're pioneering something new.

Conclusion and Call to Action

• Share insights from this episode with friends or on social media as a way of reinforcing your own beliefs.

• Remember that self-belief is paramount, even when external validation is lacking.