CONFESIONES de una MUJER TRANS: El Precio de Ser Visible | @dalia__castella

Understanding Trans Identity and Personal Journey

Daily Struggles with Hate and Confusion

• The speaker receives around 200 hate comments daily and several threats weekly, leading to feelings of fear and confusion about the intense negativity directed towards trans individuals.

• The speaker reflects on living in fear due to uncertainty about what might happen, emphasizing that it is not sensible to remain scared.

Introduction to Dalia Castella

• Dalia Castella, a transgender comedian, is introduced as someone who will share her experiences openly.

• Dalia explains that she chose her name because there was no direct translation from her previous name, which symbolizes leaving behind an identity that felt incorrect.

Early Awareness of Gender Identity

• Dalia shares how she felt represented by the name "Dalia," noting its connection to Mexican culture through the flower.

• She recalls feeling uncomfortable in her body from a young age (around 7 or 8), recognizing early signs of gender dysphoria.

Adolescence and Self-Discovery

• During adolescence, Dalia struggled with understanding her identity amidst societal expectations; she did not have clear references for being transgender at that time.

• She describes a lack of understanding regarding her feelings, often repressing them due to societal norms surrounding gender identity.

Family Dynamics and Support

• Dalia discusses her childhood as relatively normal but acknowledges the absence of bullying during school years despite internal struggles with gender expression.

• Her father played a significant role in raising her while her mother worked long hours; this dynamic shaped their family relationships positively.

Discovering Transgender Concepts

• Dalia reflects on when she first learned about transgender concepts; she had always wanted to dress like a girl but lacked terminology or support for those feelings.

Understanding Gender Identity and Transition

Early Exploration of Gender Identity

• The speaker reflects on their early experiences with gender identity, noting a lack of understanding due to bisexual orientation and limited information available online.

• They mention discovering the concept of transsexuality through examples from their life, including neighbors and a classmate's transition during high school.

• The realization of being similar to those transitioning came before they learned the term "transsexual," indicating a personal journey towards self-identification.

First Sexual Experiences and Gender Roles

• The speaker shares that their first sexual relationship was with a woman at age 16, who encouraged them to dress femininely.

• They describe feeling more feminine in relationships with men due to traditional gender roles, while not adopting a masculine role in relationships with women.

• There is an acknowledgment of enjoying both types of relationships equally without strong preference for one over the other.

Decision to Transition

• At age 25, the speaker faced a decision when their parents offered to move to Mexico; they saw this as an opportunity for a fresh start in their transition.

• They had been contemplating transitioning since age 20 and viewed moving as an easier way to begin this process without prior social ties complicating it.

Initial Steps in Transitioning

• Upon arriving in Mexico, the speaker began transitioning by purchasing clothing, starting with a significant dress purchase that marked a drastic change.

• They took two weeks before officially moving, using that time for self-exploration and learning about makeup as part of preparing for their transition.

Support Systems During Transition

• In Spain, they connected with "En Fem," a support group for transgender individuals and crossdressers which helped them integrate into the community.

• The term "crossdresser" is explained as referring to heterosexual men who enjoy dressing as women not solely for fetishistic reasons but also out of personal preference.

Family Dynamics and Acceptance

• The speaker discusses telling their parents about being transgender two weeks before moving; there were ongoing conversations about acceptance during this period.

Transitioning and Family Dynamics

Initial Reactions to Transition

• The speaker's father initially experienced a selfish thought, questioning if he had done something to cause the transition. This reflects a common parental reaction of self-blame.

• The mother expressed that she always sensed her child’s desire for long hair, indicating an awareness of their identity from an early age. She found it unusual that her child didn't cut their hair sooner.

Acceptance Process

• After discussing the transition, the family agreed on a gradual process for the speaker's change in appearance, emphasizing the need for time to adjust emotionally and physically.

• The speaker noted that during two weeks alone in Spain, they began to adopt physical changes which helped both them and their parents understand this new identity better.

Family Relationships

• The speaker described their limited family connections; they only have a small immediate family with no significant relationships with extended relatives. This isolation impacted how the transition was perceived by others.

• Upon returning to Mexico after two weeks, there was an emotional moment at the airport as it marked both a farewell to the previous identity and a welcoming of Dalia.

Grieving Past Identity

• Transitioning involves not just personal acceptance but also requires parents to grieve the loss of their previous understanding of their child. This duality can create complex emotions surrounding acceptance.

• The speaker emphasized that while they were defensive about being accepted as trans individuals, they understood that their parents needed time to adjust just as they did.

Navigating Social Changes

• Even after transitioning, there were instances where old names were used due to muscle memory; however, corrections were made immediately by family members showing support despite challenges.

• The fear of rejection from friends and colleagues during this social transition led the speaker to isolate themselves before fully embracing their new identity.

Coping Mechanisms During Transition

• The decision not to inform friends about transitioning stemmed from fear of confrontation and potential rejection; thus, they chose anonymity in Mexico as a fresh start.

Experiences of Transitioning in Mexico

Initial Experiences with Gender Interaction

• The speaker reflects on their discomfort with male attention and physical interactions, such as being pinched, which they found unpleasant. They indicate that this behavior ceased once it was clear they did not appreciate it.

Changes in Self-Perception

• Upon arriving in Mexico, the speaker notes a transformation in their appearance and self-expression over time, including changes in makeup and clothing style. They express satisfaction with their current image compared to past photos.

• The speaker shares feelings of disbelief regarding their personal growth and achievements since transitioning, emphasizing a strong sense of pride in their identity.

First Days in Mexico

• The initial days involved job searching; the speaker found work at a music school where the artistic environment was perceived as more accepting than other fields like law.

• Although there were some negative comments from parents about their presence around children, these instances were rare. Overall, the artistic community provided a supportive atmosphere.

Navigating Legal Processes for Transition

• The speaker discusses the bureaucratic challenges faced when seeking Mexican nationality to access free hormone treatments. They highlight financial constraints as a significant factor influencing their decisions.

• In Spain, transitioning legally required extensive therapy and hormone treatment before changing identification documents. This process can be daunting for many individuals considering transition.

Hormone Treatment Journey

• After obtaining Mexican nationality, the speaker describes how government clinics facilitate access to hormonal treatments through an application process involving medical evaluations by endocrinologists.

• Initially taking hormones is described as an emotional experience filled with anticipation but also accompanied by physical changes such as breast tenderness and mood fluctuations due to reduced testosterone levels.

Understanding the Transition Process

The Journey of Self-Confidence and Physical Changes

• The speaker discusses gaining confidence to go out without makeup as they begin to see more feminine features, noting that this is a gradual process.

• They mention that the treatment lasts for life, with significant physical changes occurring in the first five years, including breast development and skin changes.

• The speaker shares their personal experience of being treated well in public spaces but acknowledges constant online insults related to their identity.

Societal Reactions and Personal Safety

• They express that while they feel safe in certain neighborhoods (like Roma and Condesa), there is an awareness of potential violence elsewhere in Mexico.

• Online hate is prevalent, with the speaker receiving numerous hateful comments daily, including serious threats of violence.

Navigating Fear and Public Recognition

• Initially overwhelmed by becoming a public figure, the speaker felt confusion and fear upon receiving death threats from strangers online.

• They reflect on how these experiences have instilled a lingering fear about going out but emphasize the importance of not living in fear.

Community Dynamics within LGBTQ+

• The speaker reveals a lack of connection with the broader LGBTQ+ community, citing minimal support received during their transition.

• They criticize perceived hypocrisy within the community, feeling excluded if one does not share similar views or experiences.

Valuing Courage in Transition Decisions

• There are discussions about discrimination against trans individuals within parts of the LGBTQ+ community itself.

• The speaker honors those who take brave steps towards transitioning despite societal challenges, emphasizing that such decisions require immense courage.

Reflection on Personal Growth

Understanding the Challenges of Trans Women

Life Expectancy and Societal Pressures

• The life expectancy for trans women is alarmingly low, averaging around 35 to 36 years due to factors like violence and suicide. This statistic highlights the urgent need for societal change.

• Many trans individuals face significant barriers in finding stable employment and lack support from family and friends, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness and increased risk of suicide.

Transitioning: Personal Perspectives

• Transitioning does not necessarily require surgical procedures such as genital removal; identity transcends biological attributes. The speaker emphasizes that self-perception is more important than physical characteristics.

• Concerns about surgery include risks of complications, high costs (estimated between $100,000 to $120,000), and potential loss of sensation post-operation. These factors contribute to the complexity of making decisions regarding transition.

Reflections on Personal Journey

• If given a chance to revisit moments of doubt during their transition, the speaker would encourage themselves to be brave and patient, emphasizing that personal growth takes time.

• Honesty with oneself is crucial in navigating identity issues. The speaker believes that many problems can be resolved through self-reflection and authenticity.

Influences on Youth Identity

• There are concerns about children being influenced by narratives surrounding gender identity. However, the speaker argues that fostering critical thinking skills in children can mitigate these influences effectively.

• Creating a safe environment for children is essential; it allows them to explore their identities without fear of radicalization or misunderstanding from peers or adults.

Community Dynamics and Acceptance

• Individuals questioning their gender should seek supportive environments—whether from family or friends—to discuss their feelings openly without judgment.

• The speaker criticizes superficial discussions about gender issues while ignoring larger societal problems like threats against marginalized communities. They advocate for addressing fundamental issues rather than focusing solely on terminology or labels.

Understanding Identity and Comedy

The Impact of Education on Perception

• The speaker reflects on how societal narratives often start from a place of ignorance, particularly regarding marginalized communities, which were frequently ridiculed in media.

• There is an acknowledgment that mistakes can lead to labels such as "transphobic" or "racist," stemming from a lack of proper education and information.

Transitioning Identities

• Dalia, a comedian and bassist, discusses her journey in comedy and music, indicating that her comedic career has taken precedence over her musical pursuits.

• The conversation highlights Dalia's happiness with her current life changes, suggesting that she feels more fulfilled now than before.

Navigating Cultural Identity

• Dalia expresses the complexity of feeling more like an outsider due to cultural differences rather than gender identity alone.

• She emphasizes the importance of mutual respect within the comedy community regardless of personal backgrounds or choices.

Journey into Comedy

• Although Dalia was a fan of comedy for years, she initially did not perform until encouraged by friends; this led to formal training before performing live.

• Her first experiences included participating in open mic events where new comedians could test their material alongside seasoned performers.

Building Connections in Comedy

• Dalia shares that while she received invitations primarily from underground comedians early on, notable figures like Chaparro played a significant role in inviting her to projects.