Fearful Avoidant Attachment & Friends with Benefits Situations
Fearful Avoidance Attachment Style and Friends with Benefit Scenarios
In this video, Tyles Gibson talks about the fearful avoidance attachment style and friends with benefit scenarios. She discusses some of the root causes, what you can do if you find yourself in that situation, how to recognize some of your patterns and move away from that, or some important things to realize if you are the partner or loved one in that situation.
Reasons for Fearful Women to Get into Friends with Benefit Situations
- Fearful women get into friends with benefit situations when they're hurt and don't believe in relationships.
- They feel like relationships are too hard and become triggering, frustrating, hot and cold, confusing.
- Fearful points can sometimes feel really disempowered in a relationship dynamic not because they aren't good at loving but because there are a lot of wounds that get activated.
- Fearful avoidance uses friends with benefits as a subconscious strategy to buffer out having to acknowledge their major wounds.
Other Causes for Friends with Benefit Situations
- Sometimes fearful avoidants will do this when they're licking their wounds after getting out of a painful relationship.
- Full points can stay closed down emotionally for long periods of time after a painful relationship.
Benefits of Friends with Benefit Situations
- Low commitment low expectations means there isn't much trust to be broken which is beneficial for those who have major trust wounds.
- It gives them connection without having to put themselves through the ringer or open up too much.
Conclusion
Friends with benefits situations can be used by fearful avoidants as a way to protect themselves from their major wounds. Fearful women get into friends with benefit situations when they're hurt and don't believe in relationships. Sometimes fearful avoidants will do this when they're licking their wounds after getting out of a painful relationship. Full points can stay closed down emotionally for long periods of time after a painful relationship. Low commitment low expectations means there isn't much trust to be broken which is beneficial for those who have major trust wounds.
Understanding Self-Sabotage in Relationships
In this section, the speaker explains how our subconscious mind can prioritize self-protection over pursuing relationships, leading to self-sabotage. The speaker suggests that reprogramming our subconscious mind is necessary to overcome this dynamic.
Subconscious Prioritizing Self-Protection
- Our subconscious associates relationships with pain and fear, leading it to prioritize protecting itself.
- Self-sabotage occurs when the conscious and subconscious have different priorities, with the subconscious ultimately winning unless we learn to reprogram it.
- Fearful avoidants may find themselves in disempowering dynamics due to their fears of relationships.
Overcoming Fear of Relationships
- To overcome fear of relationships, one must first identify and address their associations and beliefs about relationships stored in their subconscious programming.
- Getting clear on what one wants from a relationship is crucial for making decisions from a place of fearlessness rather than fear.
- Making choices from a place of unresolved traumas or wounds can lead to disempowerment in relationship dynamics.
Partnering with Fearful Avoidants
- People who are partners with fearful avoidants often fall for them due to intermittent reinforcement and the fa's best self being present when they feel safe.
- Being clear on boundaries and showing up for them can make an fa reconsider their behavior.
- Encouraging communication about needs, feelings, and boundaries can help evolve the relationship into something more.