Simon Sinek: The Number One Reason Why You’re Not Succeeding | E145

Name: Simon Sinek: The Number One Reason Why You’re Not Succeeding | E145
Uploaded: 2022-05-23T05:00:07.000Z
Duration: 3 h 10 min 39 s

Introduction

Simon Sinek discusses the importance of uncomfortable conversations and finding one's "why."

Uncomfortable Conversations

Leaders and students are not taught how to have uncomfortable conversations.

Having difficult conversations is more valuable than learning trigonometry.

Finding One's "Why"

Most people know what they do and how they do it, but very few can articulate why they do what they do.

Making decisions inconsistent with one's true purpose leads to a lack of passion for work.

Purpose comes from being a better version of oneself.

Discovering One's "Why"

Simon Sinek shares his personal experience in discovering his "why."

Losing Passion for Work

Sinek had a good life on the surface, but he didn't want to wake up and go to work anymore.

He lost his passion for work and was pretending to be happier than he was.

Discovering the "Why"

A close friend noticed something was wrong, which led Sinek to come clean about his lack of passion for work.

The energy previously used for lying, hiding, and faking went into finding a solution.

Based on the biology of human decision-making, Sinek discovered that most people can't articulate their "why."

He realized that he knew what he did and how he did it but couldn't explain why he woke up every day to do it.

Trauma or Intentional?

Simon Sinek discusses whether our "why" is trauma or insecurity-driven or intentional.

Wise Formed by Trauma or Insecurity?

Some guests on Stephen Bartlett's podcast have experienced trauma or insecurity that has driven them towards their goals.

Israel Adesanya, the UFC champion, was bullied as a child and became a fighter.

Sinek questions whether our "why" can be trauma or insecurity-driven instead of intentional.

Finding Purpose After Trauma

In this section, the speaker discusses how trauma can inspire people to create or advance something. He also talks about how our experiences when we are young shape who we are and the importance of making decisions that align with our true purpose.

The Silver Lining in Trauma

Trauma can inspire people to build, create, or advance something.

September 11th is an example of a traumatic event that led people to find purpose.

Making Decisions That Align With Our True Purpose

Our experiences when we are young shape who we are.

The opportunity life presents us is to make decisions that either keep us in balance with who we really are or not.

Discomfort or feeling lost may be due to making decisions inconsistent with our true purpose.

Selfish Goals and Depression

Athletes and business executives often set themselves selfish goals from a young age.

Every decision they make is geared towards achieving their finite goal.

Relationships become transactional - if you can't help me achieve my goal, I don't need you anymore.

When they achieve their goal, they realize they don't have close relationships or a sense of purpose beyond it.

This leads to depression or malaise.

Fulfillment Through Serving Others

Personal achievement is not fulfilling for any human being because it's selfish.

Joy and fulfillment come from serving others - having a child, falling in love, doing irrational things for love.

Sacrifices made for others feel worth it because they're infinite and will live on beyond our own lives.

Team Sports vs Individual Athletes

Individual athletes suffer more often than team sports players because they set selfish goals from a young age.

Team sports require working together towards a common goal, which fosters relationships and a sense of purpose beyond personal achievement.

The Power of Being Good at Something

In this section, the speaker talks about how being good at something can give you the power to give back later in life. He shares his own experience of realizing this when he went to college on scholarship and then made it to the NFL.

Realizing the Power of Being Good at Something

Being good at something gives you the power to give back later in life.

The better you are at something, the bigger your platform will be when you leave that career.

The speaker was driven not so that he could be the best or make the most money, but so that he could build his platform and give back later in life.

Seeing one's life as a continuum rather than an event is much healthier.

Creating Goals Based on Continuum

In this section, the speaker talks about creating goals based on a continuum rather than arbitrary goals. He discusses how self-awareness is key to becoming a better version of oneself.

Flaw of Arbitrary Goals

Creating arbitrary goals can lead to short-term motivation and ultimately failure.

It's important to create goals based on a continuum rather than arbitrary goals.

Self-awareness is key to becoming a better version of oneself.

Seeking Out Information for Self-Awareness

Seeking out information is important for self-awareness.

Living with blind spots can lead to stagnation or unhealthiness.

Taking classes or seeking feedback from others can help fill gaps in knowledge or skills.

Awareness of blind spots and the skills needed to be a better version of oneself is key to personal growth.

Waiting for Wake-Up Calls

Unfortunately, some people wait for wake-up calls like breakups or heart attacks to realize they need to make changes in their lives.

Being Healthy as a Service to Others

In this section, the speaker talks about how being healthy is a service to others and how social media and technology have complicated our ability to be human.

The Importance of Being Vulnerable

Brené Brown's comment on young generation mistaking vulnerability and broadcast.

Broadcasting vulnerability is not vulnerable at all. It is easier than being vulnerable with the person you hurt.

Being vulnerable requires practice, but it is essential for maintaining relationships.

Learning to be vulnerable is not for ourselves; it's for our service to others.

Confusing Pro-Social Activities with Selfishness

Social media has made us selfish by confusing pro-social activities with selfishness.

The speaker shares his biggest pet peeve about people using their phones during meetings instead of being present in the moment.

Practicing Meditation for Focus

Meditation helps us focus on one thing, which can be useful when listening to someone going through a hard time.

The ability to put your thoughts out of your head and stay focused on one thing can help you listen better.

The Importance of Being Present for Others

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of being present for others and how it gives purpose to our lives.

Purpose in Life Comes from Doing Things for Others

Sacrificing something for another person is what gives our lives purpose.

Doing things for others, where our benefit is secondary, creates a deep sense of meaning and purpose.

Sacrificing something like happiness or comfort in the moment can bring joy and love to business relationships and friendships.

Sacrifice for Another is Beautiful

Sacrificing for another person is one of the most beautiful things we can do.

Love is about sacrificing for another person.

Translating Personal Goals into Goals for Another Person

In this section, the speaker discusses how personal goals can be translated into goals that benefit another person.

Personal Goals Can Benefit Another Person

Personal goals like learning mindfulness or being in shape can have a higher purpose when they are done to benefit another person.

For example, being healthy and in shape can benefit a partner by allowing them to be active together.

Aesthetic Goals Can Build Confidence

Aesthetic goals like having a nose job or getting teeth fixed can build confidence if they make someone feel better about themselves.

Exercising to look good can also build confidence as long as it's done in a healthy way.

The Importance of Accountability

In this section, Simon Sinek talks about how he struggles with self-discipline and the importance of accountability in achieving personal goals.

Struggling with Self-Discipline

Simon admits that he struggles with self-discipline and often finds himself wasting time instead of working out.

He shares that he is more likely to follow through on commitments when someone else is involved, such as meeting a friend at the gym.

Importance of Accountability

Simon emphasizes the importance of accountability in achieving personal goals.

He shares an example from his running routine where he was motivated to keep up with his running buddy's pace to avoid ruining their run.

Self-Awareness and Personal Growth

In this section, Simon Sinek discusses the role of self-awareness in personal growth and how it can be developed.

Foundation for Personal Growth

Simon believes that self-awareness is the foundation for personal growth.

He shares an example of a person who read every book but never changed because they lacked self-awareness.

Developing Self-Awareness

Simon explains that while self-assessment is important, it should be supplemented by feedback from others since we are often blind to our own shortcomings.

He emphasizes that we need each other to watch our backs and tell us what's working and what's not working.

Simon shares that his ability to demonstrate real awareness came when he let others help him.

The Importance of Relationships and Community

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of relationships and community in our lives.

Taking Turns in Relationships

Great relationships involve taking turns.

When both partners are in need at the same time, it can be difficult to balance their needs.

Having friends to turn to during these times is important.

Asking for Help

A friend called the speaker when she was struggling and needed someone to talk to.

She didn't want to burden her husband who was also struggling.

The willingness to ask for help and understand how asking certain people for help can make things worse is important.

Importance of Community

We cannot do everything alone; we need a community.

Friends are more than just friends; they are part of our tribe.

It's important to take care of those closest to us and ensure that our tribe is strong.

Nurturing Close Personal Relationships

In this section, the speaker discusses how we can nurture close personal relationships.

Prioritizing Relationship Care

We often prioritize other aspects of our lives such as diet or exercise over relationship care.

It's important to focus on nurturing close personal relationships as well.

Creating a Culture of Feedback

Practical ways to create a culture of feedback include reacting positively when receiving feedback instead of denying it.

Peer review systems like those used by Army Rangers can be implemented in organizations.

Importance of Peer Review Systems

In this section, the speaker discusses the importance of peer review systems.

Identifying Spotlight Rangers

The Army Rangers implemented a peer review system to identify "spotlight rangers" who were only performing well when the spotlight was on them.

Peer review became an equally weighted component of advancement in the Army Rangers alongside instructor approval and physical performance.

Peer Review Exercise

In this section, the speaker describes a peer review exercise that involves identifying top three weaknesses and strengths with specific examples. The exercise is done in a group setting where each person reads their own weaknesses and strengths, and others can add to the list.

Peer Review Exercise

Fill out your top three weaknesses or places you need to grow the most with a specific example for each.

Collate and distribute them amongst the team.

Give a little speech before the whole exercise starts that the people who are going to give you this feedback really don't want to do it but they're doing it because they want to see you grow.

Receive feedback as a gift which means saying thank you even if you don't agree with it.

Read your own weaknesses first, then allow others to add to that list.

Read your own strengths next, then allow others to add to that list.

Discover blind spots and strengths that were previously unknown.

This exercise is powerful but should be built towards gradually as it involves very senior people and very junior people having blunt conversations with each other.

Promotion Contingent on Peer Review

In this section, the speaker talks about how promotions should not just be based on what managers or CEOs believe about an individual's performance but also on peer reviews.

Promotion Contingent on Peer Review

Promotions should be contingent on getting peer-reviewed by colleagues around an individual because senior people may not get the truth from their subordinates.

The speaker shares an example of how reports about a particular team member's character and conduct never matched the way they treated him, which could have led to promoting that individual if peer reviews were not considered.

Peer review can be included in a promotion package or implemented in different ways depending on the culture of the organization.

Importance of Good Leadership

In this section, the speaker emphasizes the importance of good leadership in creating an environment where people feel comfortable giving honest feedback.

Importance of Good Leadership

Good leadership helps create an environment where people feel comfortable giving honest feedback.

Senior people should know that they don't always get the truth from their subordinates even if they are wonderful and fantastic people because they want to tell them what they think will please them.

The speaker recommends building towards implementing a peer review exercise gradually as it involves very senior people and very junior people having blunt conversations with each other.

Building Trust and Replacing Judgment with Curiosity

In this section, Simon Sinek discusses the importance of building trust in an organization and replacing judgment with curiosity.

Trusted Relationships

Having trusted relationships allows for getting inside scoops on what's really going on.

This helps leaders make informed decisions based on reliable information.

Replacing Judgment with Curiosity

Leaders should replace judgment with curiosity when someone comes to them with a problem.

Instead of creating a narrative based on hearsay or direct stories, leaders should go on a journey to discover what's really happening.

This involves finding out if there are any underlying issues causing the problem, such as distractions or personality conflicts.

By replacing judgment with curiosity, leaders can create an environment that fosters open communication and trust.

Setting the Tone

Leaders set the tone for their organization by their actions.

For example, lying is not acceptable in any form within a company.

Even small lies can lead to bigger problems down the line.

Leaders need to be honest and transparent in all their dealings to build trust within their organization.

Being Honest vs. Creating a Culture of Lying

In this section, the speaker talks about the importance of being honest while also avoiding creating a culture of lying within teams and organizations.

The Importance of Honesty

After watching a friend's play, the speaker called her up to give her critical feedback.

The next day, after the adrenaline had worn off, they had a rational conversation about it without hurting anyone's feelings.

Not everything has to be said immediately; sometimes waiting for better conditions is necessary.

Ethical Fading

Ethical fading is when an organization's culture allows people to make unethical decisions while believing they are still within their ethical framework.

It often starts from excessive pressure to meet short-term goals and usually comes from leadership problems.

Rationalizing and disassociating oneself from responsibility are common ways that ethical fading occurs.

Slippery slope thinking can also contribute to ethical fading by making small unethical decisions seem acceptable until they become full-blown scandals.

Impact on Individuals and Organizations

Excessive use of euphemisms can mask the insidiousness of real decisions made by individuals or organizations.

When ethical fading becomes full-blown, it can lead to massive scandals or illegal activity.

Even before that point, it creates an uncomfortable work environment that increases stress levels and can negatively impact one's health and personal life.

Comparison with Romantic Relationships

One little white lie in a romantic relationship can lead to more lies until both parties are far from their truth and resentful.

The Importance of Having Uncomfortable Conversations

In this section, the speaker talks about how avoiding uncomfortable conversations can lead to negative consequences and trauma for both parties involved.

Avoiding Difficult Conversations

The speaker shares personal experiences of avoiding difficult conversations with someone they broke up with but maintained a friendship with, leading to false hope and confusion.

Many young people exhibit traits of being conflict avoidant and uncomfortable with discomfort, which can lead to negative outcomes in various situations.

Young employees may quit their jobs instead of having an uncomfortable conversation about a raise, which can result in misunderstandings and missed opportunities.

People may choose to ghost someone instead of breaking up because they are uncomfortable with confrontation, but this can be traumatic for the other person.

The Importance of Having Uncomfortable Conversations

It is important to learn how to have uncomfortable conversations because it is a skill set that is not often taught.

By having difficult conversations, we can prevent trauma and negative consequences for both parties involved.

Introduction to Health and Fitness

In this section, the speaker talks about his diet and fitness routine. He mentions that he is trying to slim down and reduce his calorie intake by consuming a protein shake.

Diet and Fitness Routine

The speaker's diet has been bad for the last four or five months, which has started to show in his body.

He goes to the gym about 80% of the time with a group of friends using an online tracker called "Fitness Blockchain."

To reduce his calorie intake, he is having a protein shake from Hill, one of his sponsors. His favorite flavor is salted caramel.

Characteristics of Gen Z in the Workplace

In this section, the speaker discusses how younger generations are exhibiting different traits in the workplace compared to previous generations. He also talks about how labeling people as strong or weak can be problematic.

Strengths and Weaknesses

The speaker does not like conversations about strengths and weaknesses because they can have liabilities.

The speaker shares an example of how being disorganized was actually helpful in one context but generally considered a weakness.

It's important to understand that characteristics can be both strengths and weaknesses depending on the context.

Gen Z Characteristics

Gen Z is very activist compared to previous generations.

We need to be careful when labeling people or generations as strong or weak because it depends on the context.

# Conclusion

There was no clear conclusion in this transcript.

Understanding Generational Differences in the Workplace

In this section, Simon Sinek discusses how different generations approach work and how empathy can help bridge the gap between them.

Different Generations Have Different Strengths and Weaknesses

Younger generations are more likely to speak up to their bosses and organize for change.

However, they may also be more likely to quit instead of having an uncomfortable conversation.

Rather than labeling a whole generation as irresponsible, it's important to recognize gaps in skills that can be addressed.

The Importance of Empathy in Understanding Generational Differences

Instead of deciding if a behavior is a strength or weakness, try to understand where it comes from.

All generations have strengths and liabilities depending on the context.

Practicing empathy is key to bridging the gap between different generations.

Adjusting Business Practices for Post-COVID Workforce

In this section, Simon Sinek discusses how businesses need to adjust their practices in order to retain employees in a post-COVID world.

Remote Work Can Exacerbate Social Isolation

Remote work has made social connection even more important since we no longer have other institutions like dating or restaurants.

Rising rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide may be correlated with increased social isolation among younger generations.

The Future of Work Will Be More Flexible

Businesses will need to offer more flexibility in order to retain employees.

The future of work will likely be somewhere in the middle between remote work and traditional office settings.

The Future of Work

In this section, the speaker discusses how the future of work will be a combination of in-person and remote work, and how companies need to focus on creating a positive corporate culture to retain employees.

The Great Resignation

The Great Resignation is an indictment on decades of substandard corporate culture and poor leadership.

People are quitting their jobs without new ones lined up because they are no longer afraid of the unknown.

Companies need to recognize that they have been getting away with substandard culture and poor leadership for too long, and they need to fix it.

Creating Positive Corporate Culture

Companies that teach leadership skills and create a positive corporate environment will have a huge advantage moving forward.

A company's culture can be a selling point for potential employees.

One example of a company with a positive culture had five people in charge of happiness called the "happiness team" and paid for everyone's mental health therapy.

The Importance of Culture

In this section, the speaker discusses how a company's culture can be more important than salary when it comes to retaining employees.

Culture vs. Salary

Employees may leave a company for another that pays better, but a strong company culture can help retain them.

A good company culture is organized around something bigger than just fun perks like free lunch and slides in the office.

Companies should offer their employees a cause to join, not just ask them what they want in terms of perks.

People join companies because they believe in the cause, not just because it's a job.

Steve Jobs and Apple's Cause

In this section, the speaker talks about how Steve Jobs created a cause at Apple that went beyond just making products.

Apple's Revolution

Steve Jobs had a cause at Apple: to give people the power to stand up to big brother by developing technology that empowered individuals.

The computer revolution was seen as a banner worth carrying by those who worked at Apple.

Sacrifices were made for the cause, but it was worth it because there was a reason for the sacrifice.

Purpose and Sacrifice

In this section, the speaker discusses how purpose and sacrifice are related and why having a reason for sacrifice is important.

Love and Children as Examples

When you work hard for something you love, it's called passion. When you work hard for something you don't love, it's called stress.

Purpose and cause give us a reason for the sacrifice, just like love gives us a reason for sacrifice.

Having a child is worth the sacrifices because they give us a reason for the sacrifice.

The Purpose of the Podcast

In this section, the speaker discusses the purpose of their podcast and how it evolved over time.

Reasons for Starting the Podcast

The speaker believed that podcasting was a growing opportunity to communicate and grow their personal brand.

The speaker found it compelling to talk about things honestly and openly, such as mental health problems and difficulties with family, in a way that most people aren't usually honest.

Feedback from listeners was deep, profound, and intense. Listeners felt like they could relate to what was being discussed and that it helped them solve problems they were facing.

Evolving Purpose of the Podcast

After leaving their job, the speaker took stock of their life and realized that the podcast touched all bases. It was enjoyable for themselves, allowed them to learn from others, felt like a service to others, and generated money.

The purpose of the podcast is to tell the truth so that others can be honest with themselves and others in a way that they struggle to find anywhere else.

Even if the podcast isn't number one or is declining in metrics, as long as it fulfills its purpose of spreading its message truthfully, then it still has value.

Metrics Matter but Trends Matter More

In this section, the speaker discusses how metrics are important but trends matter more when evaluating success.

Importance of Metrics

If metrics are steadily declining or no one is listening anymore, then something may be wrong with how they're spreading their message or fulfilling their purpose.

Trends Matter More than Absolute Metrics

The trend of the metrics matters more than the absolute value. If the trend is declining, then it's time to reevaluate if they're still fulfilling their purpose or if the medium they're using is no longer relevant.

Coexisting with Goals and Causes

Simon Sinek discusses how goals and causes can coexist, but the cause should come first. He warns against becoming too obsessed with achieving a goal at the expense of the cause.

Balancing Goals and Causes

The cause should come first because if you become too obsessed with the goal at the sacrifice of the cause, it goes back to ethical fading.

You can game all these systems, but if you're too obsessed with the number because you think it gives you credibility, then it becomes overwhelming and you start doing things that have nothing to do with advancing your podcast or cause.

It's okay to be driven to be number one as long as you're doing it second and the cause comes first.

Inspiring People for Positive Change

Simon Sinek shares his why - inspiring people to do what inspires them so they can change their world for the better. He talks about his just cause - creating a world where people wake up inspired to go to work and feel fulfilled by what they do.

Finding Your Why

Simon's why is core to his being - inspiring people to affect some sort of change or perspective.

His just cause is creating a world in which people wake up every single morning inspired to go to work, feel safe wherever they are, and feel fulfilled by their work.

Advancing His Cause

Simon started an imprint called Optimism Press with Penguin Random House where he publishes books that help move towards his just cause.

Working on Police Reform and Driving Innovation in Bureaucracies

Simon Sinek talks about his work behind the scenes on police reform and driving innovation inside large bureaucracies. He is looking for companies that are driven to build a company that can outlast them and cultures that can withstand the test of time.

Working on Police Reform

Simon Sinek is working behind the scenes on police reform.

He is looking for companies that are driven to build a company that can outlast them and cultures that can withstand the test of time.

Driving Innovation in Bureaucracies

Simon Sinek is trying to figure out how to drive innovation inside large bureaucracies.

He is working with forward-minded young CEOs or younger companies to help them figure out how to build infinite-minded companies.

He wants to find new ways to do things because he thinks the way we've been doing it for the past 30-40 years has not been helpful to the economy and world.

The Relationship Between Brilliance, Struggle, and Dark Side

Simon Sinek talks about his brilliance, struggle, dark side, insecurities, and how he simplifies complex things by asking lots of questions.

Brilliance and Struggle

The guy who trained Michael Jordan for 15 years said there tends to be a relationship between our brilliance and our struggle or our dark side.

Simon Sinek doesn't think of himself as brilliant but rather an idiot who asks lots of questions so he can simplify complex things and repeat them.

Dark Side and Insecurities

Simon Sinek has darkness and finds it fascinating.

He has insecurities that he's dealt with but hasn't mentioned on a podcast before.

Struggling to Read Books

In this section, the speaker talks about his struggle with reading books and how he has learned to learn without them. He also discusses the importance of honesty and not feeling embarrassed about struggling with reading.

Reading Struggles

The speaker struggles to read books, but wishes he could because there is so much good information in them.

He used to lie about reading books, but now realizes that it's important to be honest about his struggles.

The speaker believes that there are others who struggle with reading for various reasons such as dyslexia or ADD.

Overcoming Reading Struggles

The speaker found a hack for reading by choosing books with short chapters like "The Da Vinci Code".

Writing is different from reading for the speaker. He writes about things that interest him and can make himself cry or give himself goosebumps while writing.

The speaker loves ideas and dissecting them. He enjoys understanding why things work and asking questions like a little kid.

Engaging Delivery of Ideas

In this section, the interviewer compliments the speaker on his engaging delivery of ideas and asks him how he developed it despite struggling with reading.

Engaging Delivery

The interviewer praises the speaker's ability to deliver ideas in an engaging way through tone, punctuation, storytelling, wisdom, and simplicity.

The interviewer attributes the speaker's engaging delivery to his ADHD and difficulty holding attention while reading. This makes him better at holding other people's attention while speaking.

The speaker's circuitous way of delivering a point and ability to simplify complex ideas also contribute to his engaging delivery.

Overall, the speaker discusses his struggles with reading books and how he has learned to learn without them. He also talks about his love for ideas and dissecting them, as well as his engaging delivery of ideas despite struggling with reading.

Simon Sinek on Living a Life Worth Living

In this section, Simon Sinek talks about his perspective on happiness and what he believes will make his life worth living.

Happiness in the Present and Future

Sinek believes that his happiness doesn't exist in the past but rather in what's going to happen next. He is more interested in what he can do to contribute to solving problems.

The happiest thing Sinek wants to do is solve some of the problems we face today, such as police reform and reinventing modern business practices.

His goal is to demonstrate momentum towards an entirely different direction and move closer towards his vision of an inspired, safe, and fulfilled world.

Leaving a Legacy

For Sinek, living a life worth living means leaving behind tools that are sharp enough for others to use and make better. He wants others to continue without him because they don't need him anymore.

He believes that if other people pick up where he left off and continue without him, then he will have lived a life worth living.

Sponsorship Message from My Energy

In this section, the podcast host talks about their sponsor My Energy and their mission to create a greener world.

My Energy provides cost-effective products that help people make sustainable switches in their lives.

The host encourages listeners who are already customers of My Energy to share their favorite products down below in the comments section.

If you're looking for ways to live more sustainably, check out myenergy.com to find out more about what they're doing.