21

Name: 21
Uploaded: 2026-02-17T07:57:19.000Z
Duration: 3 h 4 s

Understanding the Fear of Failure

Introduction to the Topic

The group coaching call begins with a welcome message.

Today's focus is on the fear of failure, building on previous discussions about emotions and processing them.

The speaker expresses excitement about exploring how our relationship with failure can transform lives.

Exploring Failure and Emotions

Failure is often perceived negatively; avoidance stems from the unpleasant emotions associated with it.

Common feelings tied to failure include feeling stupid or hopeless, which contribute to our aversion to it.

Defining Failure

The brain seeks certainty and avoids the unknown, labeling unmet expectations as failure.

A neutral definition of failure is presented: it's simply the omission of required action, not indicative of incompetence.

Deconstructing Thoughts Around Failure

Analyzing thoughts helps identify those that empower us versus those that do not; this process diminishes their power over us.

Visualizing thoughts as a bag of spaghetti illustrates how breaking down complex ideas into manageable parts makes them easier to handle.

Setting Goals for Growth

Identifying individual thoughts allows for targeted questioning about their validity and relevance in our lives.

Small goals foster accomplishment energy, motivating individuals towards larger aspirations while also allowing for personal growth through discomfort.

Self-Acceptance and Goal Setting

The Importance of Self-Pride

Individuals can choose to be proud of their efforts regardless of the outcome, whether it's an audition or submission.

Emphasizing self-pride helps maintain a positive mindset, irrespective of results.

Negative Self-Talk and Its Consequences

Many people set high goals but become discouraged when they fall short, leading to negative self-talk.

This cycle of disappointment can result in individuals giving up on setting future goals altogether.

The Impact of Kindness Towards Oneself

Consistently criticizing oneself for unmet expectations fosters aversion to goal-setting.

Acknowledging that success is subjective can help mitigate feelings of failure when goals are not met.

Measurable Goals vs. Subjective Success

Defining success is often arbitrary; it’s essential to establish measurable goals instead.

Clear metrics allow for neutral analysis without personal judgment, which can lead to constructive feedback.

Analyzing Outcomes Objectively

Data analysis should be approached neutrally; focusing on facts rather than emotions prevents negative outcomes.

Recognizing what went wrong without self-blame allows for better understanding and improvement strategies.

Reframing Failure and Success

Understanding Different Scenarios

The best-case scenario is achieving success, while the next best is trying hard even if one fails.

Failure provides opportunities for learning and growth, contrasting with the worst-case scenario: not trying at all.

The Dangers of Labeling Experiences as Failures

Viewing experiences as failures only occurs when one decides not to continue pursuing their goals.

Stopping action leads to labeling experiences negatively; recognizing progress along the way is crucial.

Celebrating Progress Over Perceived Failures

Instead of focusing solely on unmet benchmarks (e.g., aiming for diamond status but ending at platinum), acknowledging wins throughout the journey fosters a healthier perspective.

Shifting Perspectives on Goal Setting

The Importance of Self-Compassion in Goal Achievement

Emphasizes the need to speak kindly to oneself while pursuing goals, regardless of outcomes.

Encourages self-reflection when goals are not met, asking what truly mattered during that time instead of self-blame.

Suggests viewing unmet goals as neutral feedback rather than a personal failure, fostering curiosity about priorities.

Highlights the potential for growth and learning through goal setting, even if one chooses not to pursue specific objectives.

Discusses the excitement and discomfort associated with personal growth and change.

Embracing Failure as Part of the Journey

Advocates for dreaming big while maintaining self-support throughout challenges encountered along the way.

Compares self-talk to how we would support a friend facing difficulties, promoting positive internal dialogue.

Questions traditional views on failure, suggesting it may be an arbitrary concept that can be reframed positively.

Uses baseball statistics (batting 300+) to illustrate that failure is inherent in any endeavor and should not deter participation.

Personal Experiences with Fear and Defeat

Introduces a participant who felt defeated but chose to engage in a working session despite those feelings.

Reflecting on feelings of discouragement when comparing oneself to others' successes; highlights fear of failure as a barrier.

Understanding Inactivity During Low Motivation

Explores how feelings of defeat often lead to inactivity or avoidance behaviors rather than productive actions.

Discusses various forms of inactivity—like watching Netflix—as neutral activities rather than inherently good or bad choices.

Understanding Action and Perception of Success

The Neutrality of Actions

The speaker discusses how societal perceptions label certain behaviors as "bad" or "not acceptable," but emphasizes that these actions are neutral and should not be shamed.

Engaging in avoidance behaviors, like watching Netflix instead of working on business tasks, reinforces the belief that one cannot take action effectively.

Beliefs About Capability

A participant reflects on their past experiences, feeling defeated due to a lack of team growth and personal challenges, such as going through a divorce.

Despite feelings of inadequacy when hearing about others' successes, the participant acknowledges that these stories also serve as proof that success is achievable.

Emotional Responses to Comparison

The discussion shifts to the idea that external success stories do not dictate one's feelings; it's essential to understand why one feels defeated in comparison.

The participant expresses feelings of failure when comparing their results with others', highlighting a common emotional response tied to perceived performance.

Analyzing Performance Data

The conversation explores analyzing data from actions taken (e.g., number of messages sent), emphasizing the importance of understanding context rather than jumping to negative conclusions about oneself.

Questions arise regarding who was contacted (warm vs. cold market), suggesting that different strategies can yield varying results without implying personal failure.

Redefining Success Metrics

There's an exploration into why specific timeframes are associated with success or failure; it’s suggested that arbitrary benchmarks can lead to unnecessary pressure.

Participants discuss how they assign meaning to outcomes, questioning why certain metrics feel like failures when they could be viewed differently.

Shifting Mindset Towards Action

Instead of focusing on what went wrong, participants are encouraged to celebrate being proactive and taking action towards their goals.

Emphasizing mental strength, the speaker encourages shifting focus away from negative thoughts about responses received and towards recognizing consistent effort in business activities.

Intention Without Attachment

The Importance of Consistency and Detachment

Emphasizes the significance of consistency in actions while detaching from outcomes, suggesting that one should focus on intentions without being overly concerned about responses.

Discusses how attachment to outcomes can lead to negative feelings, such as feeling small or panicked if expectations are not met.

Shifting Perspectives on Responses

Proposes that letting go of attachment may open up more opportunities and allow individuals to focus on those who appreciate their efforts.

Shares a personal experience where receiving just one positive response significantly improved mood, highlighting the impact of focusing on positives rather than negatives.

Engaging with Non-responses

Questions how anxiety or grief might distract from engaging positively with those who do respond, emphasizing the importance of presence in interactions.

Explores the idea that expecting responses from others can lead to disappointment; suggests adopting a curious and compassionate mindset instead.

Overcoming Procrastination and Negative Self-talk

Challenges in Communication

Introduces a participant's struggle with procrastination and fear of reaching out to others, leading to wasted time and missed opportunities.

Describes how negative experiences can quickly derail motivation, making it difficult to re-engage after setbacks.

Language's Role in Mindset

Highlights the importance of language used when discussing experiences; negative phrasing can diminish self-worth and hinder progress.

Points out that thoughts about failure (e.g., "it's not working right now") create emotional responses tied to self-worth, which can be detrimental.

Understanding Emotions and Worthiness

Exploring Feelings in the Body

The speaker prompts a reflection on emotions, asking how feelings manifest physically, particularly focusing on sensations of tightness or heaviness.

Connection Between Worthlessness and Actions

A discussion reveals that feelings of worthlessness lead to avoidance behaviors, such as not reaching out or engaging in work-related tasks.

Neutrality of Actions

It is emphasized that the inability to perform business tasks isn't tied to self-worth but rather to choices made during moments of avoidance.

Redefining 'Wasting Time'

The concept of "wasting time" is examined, questioning societal norms around productivity and its connection to personal worth.

Validating Resting vs. Productivity

The conversation suggests that both resting and being active can be seen as neutral actions; neither inherently better than the other.

The Role of Avoidance in Self-Worth

Understanding Nervous System Responses

The speaker discusses how dysregulation in the nervous system may lead individuals to avoid certain tasks as a means of self-preservation.

Challenging Inner Dialogue

There’s an acknowledgment of internal pressure to remain productive, highlighting the conflict between societal expectations and personal needs for rest.

Reframing Avoidance Behaviors

Instead of self-shaming for scrolling on social media or avoiding tasks, individuals are encouraged to explore what they might be avoiding emotionally.

Cultivating Curiosity About Emotions

Allowing Neutral Reflection

Individuals are urged to reflect neutrally on their avoidance behaviors without judgment, fostering a healthier relationship with their actions.

Encouragement for Future Engagement

As one prepares for outreach activities, they are reminded to stay present with feelings of inadequacy and question their validity.

Addressing Blocks in Communication

Personal Reflections on Communication Challenges

A participant shares their struggle with contacting people due to fear of failure, recognizing this behavior's negative impact on business performance.

Understanding Communication Overload and Personal Boundaries

The Challenge of Social Interactions

The speaker expresses exhaustion from regular social interactions, indicating a preference for solitude despite being able to be extroverted in certain situations.

They feel overwhelmed by the expectation to reply to multiple messages, leading to a sense of being "blocked" by the pressure of communication.

A belief emerges that not responding is impolite, causing feelings of shame when conversations remain unanswered.

Expectations and Response Rates

The speaker reflects on their own expectations regarding response times, noting they do not expect immediate replies from others as they also do not respond instantly.

They attempt to set specific hours for replying to messages but admit that these hours can be inconsistent due to other commitments.

Emotional Responses and Self-Acceptance

The discussion shifts towards recognizing emotional resistance; likening the reluctance to respond to a toddler throwing a tantrum about tasks they dislike.

There’s an internal conflict between societal expectations (the need to respond) and personal desires (the wish not to engage), highlighting the struggle between self-care and obligation.

Consequences of Non-Response

The speaker acknowledges feeling guilty for leaving friends' messages unanswered, which can lead to deeper issues if left unresolved over time.

They note that unread messages accumulate, making it harder to address them later without feeling overwhelmed or apologetic.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Acknowledging personal limits is crucial; the speaker discusses how long they are comfortable waiting before responding (1–3 days).

Suggestions are made about establishing boundaries around communication times—allowing oneself breaks after engaging with others can help manage energy levels effectively.

Understanding Emotional Avoidance and Commitment

The Challenge of Commitment

When committing to a task, emotions may arise that lead to avoidance, such as feeling overwhelmed by other responsibilities like chores or work.

Acknowledging the tendency to avoid tasks can lead to procrastination, where one might prioritize less important tasks over necessary communications.

Strategies for Effective Communication

It's essential to set realistic expectations for communication frequency; instead of three times a day, consider reducing it to two if that feels more manageable.

Recognizing the reasons behind choosing easier tasks can help in understanding one's thought process and commitment levels.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations

Allowing oneself permission to respond only once per day can alleviate pressure and create a more structured approach to communication.

The perception of having too many contacts can feel overwhelming; reframing this as an opportunity for connection rather than obligation is crucial.

Embracing Discomfort as Feedback

Encountering discomfort during tasks serves as a trigger moment, prompting self-reflection on why certain actions are avoided.

Awareness of personal thoughts regarding workload helps in identifying patterns of avoidance and encourages proactive engagement with responsibilities.

Personalization of Response Strategies

Each individual has different strategies for managing responses; what works for one person may not be effective for another.

Building trust does not solely depend on quick response times; individuals should define their own methods that respect personal boundaries while maintaining effectiveness.

Managing Information Overload

In today's fast-paced environment filled with multiple communication platforms, it's vital to prioritize which messages are truly important.

Establishing systems for managing communications can reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed by constant notifications and demands.

Understanding the Process of Achievement and Failure

Embracing Failure as a Step Forward

The speaker encourages a mindset shift towards accepting failure, suggesting that being willing to "fail faster" signifies progress and action.

Four Levels of Competence in Achieving Success

The discussion introduces four levels of competence that individuals experience on their journey toward success, highlighting the common desire to avoid failure.

1. Unconscious Incompetence

This initial stage is characterized by a lack of awareness regarding one's incompetence; individuals are unaware of their shortcomings while attempting various strategies without understanding what works.

2. Conscious Incompetence

At this level, individuals recognize what isn't working and may have received guidance on potential improvements but still struggle to implement effective actions.

3. Conscious Competence

Here, individuals actively engage their cognitive resources to perform tasks correctly, making deliberate choices that lead to positive outcomes.

4. Unconscious Competence

This final stage represents a state where actions become second nature; success flows naturally as individuals embody confidence and skill in their endeavors.

The Role of Mentorship in Overcoming Resistance

Mentorship is emphasized as crucial for navigating challenges and enhancing self-awareness during the transition from conscious incompetence to conscious competence.

Normalizing the Learning Process

The speaker reassures listeners that experiencing incompetence does not reflect personal worthlessness; rather, it indicates an opportunity for growth and learning through practice.

Reflection on Progress and Thought Downloads

Participants are encouraged to engage in "thought downloads," reflecting on their business experiences—what's going well or poorly—as part of their development process.

Identifying Strengths and Serving Others

Exploring Personal Strengths

The discussion begins with questions about the frequency of self-reflection on personal strengths and their impact on others.

Recommendations are sought for breaking down natural talents to serve others, emphasizing that individuals may not recognize their own strengths.

Identifying strengths in oneself and others is highlighted as a valuable skill; recognizing these can empower both parties.

Recognizing External Feedback

Noticing what people frequently ask for can indicate personal strengths; this external feedback serves as a guide.

The speaker shares a personal anecdote about being approached for advice on pregnancy and natural birth, realizing it was an area of strength.

Understanding Impact on Others

People may seek clarity from you because they perceive your ability to analyze situations effectively.

Reflecting on why people come to you can reveal hidden strengths that you might not be aware of.

Personal Connections and Unique Strengths

A friend’s calming presence illustrates how unique strengths can positively affect others without them even realizing it.

Voicing recognition of someone’s strength can provide them with insight into their value, enhancing their self-awareness.

Embracing Your Journey

Participants express feelings of being behind in their learning journey but are encouraged to meet themselves where they are.

The idea that there is no "behind" but rather being exactly where one needs to be is reinforced, promoting self-compassion.

Empowering Teams Through Shared Learning

Collaborative Opportunities

A suggestion arises for conducting sessions aimed at team empowerment through shared insights from the discussion.

The potential for open coaching calls is discussed, allowing broader access to the concepts being taught.

Sharing Knowledge Effectively

The hope is expressed that participants will embody lessons learned and share them within their teams, fostering collective growth.

Specific requests for tailored sessions highlight the desire for personalized guidance while acknowledging time constraints.

Utilizing Resources

Reference is made to existing resources like YouTube videos that explain key models, encouraging participants to utilize these tools in team discussions.

Coaching Insights and Thought Downloads

The Power of Optional Thoughts

The speaker emphasizes that many individuals struggle to accept that their thoughts are optional, contrasting this with the willingness of participants in the program to embrace change and accountability.

Acknowledges that simply sharing insights on a call may not be impactful for everyone, highlighting the profound personal transformation experienced by some through these teachings.

Utilizing Thought Downloads

Encourages participants to identify specific insights from their experiences as valuable tools to share within their teams.

Discusses the purpose of thought downloads, which involves writing down thoughts to practice neutralizing them and fostering curiosity about one's mental processes.

Analyzing Thoughts

After listing thoughts, participants should assess whether any facts exist among them; often, what seems factual may actually be subjective thoughts.

Introduces a method for identifying heavy or negative thoughts, suggesting that recognizing these can lead to better understanding and management of emotions.

Emotional Awareness

Stresses the importance of curiosity when exploring heavy thoughts; encourages questioning beliefs associated with those thoughts without rushing to conclusions.

Highlights how emotions serve as indicators or triggers for underlying thoughts, making it easier to recognize when one is experiencing negative thinking patterns.

Resources for Growth

Participants express interest in additional resources like videos related to coaching models; community engagement is encouraged through sharing useful materials.

Recommends regular practice of thought downloads as a powerful tool for self-awareness and problem-solving in life situations.