A Mother’s Love and Helping Others with Loss, with Barbara Legere
Introduction
The host, Matt Moran, introduces the show and its goal of inspiring gratitude. He welcomes Barbara Legere as a guest to share her experience with mental illness, addiction, and suicide.
Background Information
- The show aims to inspire gratitude.
- Barbara Legere is a guest on the show.
- She wrote a book called "Kevin's Choice" about her son's mental illness, addiction, and suicide.
Kevin's Early Life
Barbara talks about Kevin's early life and how he struggled with depression despite being surrounded by love.
Childhood
- Kevin was a happy child but showed signs of depression early on.
- He had low self-esteem and wanted to fit in.
- He was bullied in sixth grade for being chubby but grew six inches over the summer before seventh grade and felt good about himself for the first time in a long time.
Drug Use
- Kevin started experimenting with drugs at 15 years old by drinking beer and smoking pot.
- At 17 years old, he tried heroin for the first time after meeting older kids who offered it to him.
- He shot up heroin the first time he tried it which is unusual.
Treatment
Barbara discusses how she initially thought treatment would fix Kevin's drug addiction but learned that it wasn't that simple.
Initial Treatment
- Barbara was naive and thought treatment would fix Kevin's drug addiction when he came to her admitting his drug use.
- Treatment did not work as expected.
In-and-Out of Treatment
- Kevin was involved in treatment multiple times but continued to struggle with addiction.
Introduction
The speaker discusses the problems with drug treatment centers and how a person must be willing to put in effort for recovery. They also mention their personal experience with their son's addiction.
Drug Treatment Centers
- There are problems with some drug treatment centers.
- Finding a good drug treatment center is possible.
- A person must be ready and willing to put in effort for recovery.
Personal Experience
- The speaker's son started using drugs at a young age.
- He was offered a program through the court system after being arrested for his first offense.
- He would have periods of sobriety followed by relapses, leading to time spent in rehab and jail.
Fentanyl Crisis
The speaker talks about the dangers of fentanyl and how it has changed the landscape of drug use. They emphasize the importance of parents educating their children about the risks associated with taking drugs.
Fentanyl Dangers
- Fentanyl is more dangerous than heroin because people can unknowingly take it.
- People who would never consider using heroin may take pills laced with fentanyl.
- People can die from fentanyl after just one use.
Parental Education
- Parents need to scare their children into not taking pills that were not prescribed to them.
- Children should be educated about the risks associated with making one bad choice when it comes to drugs.
Educating Children About Drugs
The speaker discusses when parents should start talking to their children about drugs and provides resources for parents to educate themselves on how to talk to their children about drugs.
When To Start Talking To Children About Drugs
- Parents should start talking to their children between ages 9 and 11.
- There are many resources available online for parents looking to educate themselves on how to talk to their children about drugs.
Importance of Parental Education
- Parents need to educate themselves on how to talk to their children about drugs.
- There is a lot of information available online for parents looking to educate themselves.
Al-Anon Program
In this section, Barbara talks about her experience with the Al-Anon program and how it helped her manage Kevin's addiction.
Al-Anon Program
- Barbara went to Al-Anon for several years.
- Al-Anon is a program for loved ones or close friends of addicts to learn the best ways to manage that situation and no longer be an enabler.
- At a parent focus group, you're talking just about the relationship between a parent and their child no matter how old their child is they're adults or children.
- They teach you some really good skills on taking care of yourself and trying not to let the alcoholic or addict in your life take over your life.
- A lot of people get a lot out of Al-Anon, and the 12 steps are amazing. People in recovery are so self-aware, humble, and grateful.
Losing Kevin
In this section, Barbara talks about losing Kevin to suicide.
Losing Kevin
- Kevin had been preparing Barbara for years that he was going to end his life. He was so depressed and hearing voices and could not stop using drugs.
- The morning that it happened, she heard him crying in his room. They hugged and talked a little bit more before she went downstairs. Within 15 minutes, she heard a gunshot coming from his bedroom.
- Her life changed forever when she saw him after going upstairs.
- There's stigma attached to Suicide which made it difficult throughout the years. She has heard some pretty negative things about it like how selfish it is, but she does not believe it's selfish in most situations.
- Fortunately for her, she already had a grief support group in place when Kevin passed away because she'd lost someone to overdose who was like a son to her seven years before Kevin.
Writing a Book to Help Others
In this section, the speaker talks about how she decided to write a book after losing her son to addiction and mental illness. She explains that the book was meant to help others struggling with similar issues.
The Decision to Write a Book
- After losing her son, the speaker felt like no one else understood what she was going through.
- She decided to write a book even though it was difficult because she wanted to help others who were struggling with addiction and mental illness.
- The idea of writing a book had been discussed with her son before he passed away.
- Despite knowing that she might be judged or criticized for writing the book, the speaker felt compelled to do it anyway.
Helping Others Through Grief
- The speaker is currently writing another book called "Talk To Me I'm Grieving" which aims to help people communicate with those who are grieving.
- Writing the book helped the speaker heal and cope with her own grief.
- The speaker believes that by sharing her story and helping others, she is saving lives.
Dealing With Criticism
In this section, the speaker talks about how some people have criticized her for enabling her son's addiction. She explains how she deals with criticism and negative feedback.
Coping With Criticism
- Some people have criticized the speaker for enabling her son's addiction.
- Despite this criticism, most of the feedback on her book has been positive.
- The speaker is not bothered by criticism because she knows that she did everything she could to support and love her son.
Preventing Suicide and Helping Others
In this section, the speaker talks about how difficult it is to prevent someone from committing suicide and how important it is to help those struggling with depression and anxiety seek treatment.
Importance of Seeking Treatment
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of seeking treatment for deep depression and anxiety.
- Stopping someone from even considering suicide means a lot to the speaker.
- The speaker believes that if they can prevent someone from ending their life, then everything they went through to write their book is worth it.
Helping Others
- The speaker finds satisfaction in helping others who are struggling with addiction or broken hearts.
- The speaker believes that every teenager needs to know that experimenting with drugs can be life-threatening.
- Over 100,000 deaths occur each year due to drug addiction, according to the speaker.
Signs of Kevin's Presence
In this section, the speaker talks about signs they have received from their son Kevin after his passing.
Belief in Kevin's Soul Living On
- The speaker believes that Kevin's soul still exists after his physical body passed away.
- When standing by Kevin's side as he passed away, the speaker felt like his soul was exiting his earthly body but still existed.
Signs From Kevin
- The main way the speaker knows that Kevin is still around them is through feeling him telling them things or hearing his voice as if he were still here.
- Several times electronic devices have turned on or off, which the speaker believes is a sign from Kevin.
- The speaker talks to Kevin all day and feels comforted by his presence.
Coping with Blame
In this section, the speaker talks about how they coped with blaming themselves for their son's addiction and suicide.
Forgiving Oneself
- The speaker had an extra layer of blame because Kevin used their firearm to commit suicide.
- To cope with blaming themselves, the speaker thought logically and got their heart in line with their mind. They realized that they did everything they could to help Kevin.
The Importance of Gratitude
In this section, Barbara talks about the importance of gratitude and how it helped her cope with the loss of her son Kevin.
Gratitude for Love
- Making mistakes in love is not really a mistake.
- Being grateful for having Kevin in her life helped Barbara cope with his loss.
Artwork Behind Barbara
- The artwork behind Barbara includes a picture of Kevin and Anthony.
- Anthony was a young man that Barbara lost to an overdose.
- A mutual friend who kept in touch with Barbara after Anthony passed asked for a photograph of both boys while he was in prison.
- An artist in prison painted a portrait of them based on the photos she gave him.
Gratitude for Connection
- Anthony's friend is now out of prison and doing well. He knew both Kevin and Anthony, so he is like the closest connection she has to her boys.
- Despite the 13 years being a nightmare, they grew closer during that time. Kevin didn't hold back and told her when he was going through it, which gave her a deeper understanding for other people in addiction.
Giving Anything to Save Her Son
In this section, Barbara talks about how much she would have given to save her son from addiction.
Would Have Given Anything
- She would have given anything to stop his suffering and give him a chance at a future.
- If she could have cut off a limb to save him, she wouldn't have even thought twice. She would have cut off a leg or an arm if that would have saved him.
Three Things to Do Each Day
In this section, Barbara talks about the three things she tries to do each day.
Find the Courage to Be Grateful
- First and foremost, find the courage to be grateful regardless of how powerful your storm is.
Pay Attention to Those You're With
- Secondly, pay attention to those you're with because you'd be amazed at the gifts that are right in front of you.
- If you're not present to those, you'll miss God's gifts that are right in front of you.
Pay Attention to How You're Feeding Your Mind, Body, and Soul
- Lastly, pay attention to how you're feeding your mind, body, and soul.