Why We're Getting More Depressed, Anxious and Lonely | E55

Homage and Means to an End Syndrome

In this section, Stephen pays tribute to his previous guests and reflects on the value of their conversation. He then talks about his recurring struggle with achieving his fitness goals and how he finally overcame it.

Tribute to Previous Guests

• Stephen pays homage to his previous podcast guests who discussed topics such as depression, anxiety, and burnout.

• He reflects on the diversity of topics they touched on and how he learned a lot from their conversation.

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Means to an End Syndrome

• Every year, Stephen sets a goal to get in good physical shape but by October, he loses motivation and falls back into unhealthy habits.

• He realizes that this cycle has been repeating itself for at least five years but he couldn't understand why until recently.

• Through self-analysis and research for his upcoming book, Stephen understands the psychological principles behind motivation and is able to overcome this cycle.

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The Power of Storytelling

In this section, Stephen discusses the power of storytelling in building connections with others.

The Importance of Storytelling

• Storytelling is a powerful tool for building connections with others because it allows people to relate to each other's experiences.

• By sharing personal stories, people can learn from each other's mistakes and successes.

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The Art of Storytelling

• Good storytelling involves being vulnerable and authentic, as well as having a clear message or lesson to share.

• It's important to know your audience and tailor your story to their interests and needs.

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Overcoming Fear of Failure

In this section, Stephen talks about his fear of failure and how he overcame it.

Fear of Failure

• Stephen used to have a fear of failure that held him back from pursuing his goals.

• He realized that this fear was rooted in his desire for external validation and acceptance from others.

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Overcoming Fear of Failure

• To overcome his fear of failure, Stephen had to shift his focus from external validation to internal motivation.

• He learned to embrace failure as a necessary part of the learning process and stopped letting it hold him back.

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Building Resilience Through Adversity

In this section, Stephen discusses the importance of building resilience through adversity.

Adversity Builds Resilience

• Adversity is an inevitable part of life but it can also be an opportunity for growth and development.

• By facing challenges head-on, people can build resilience and become stronger in the face of future adversity.

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Embracing Adversity

• To build resilience through adversity, it's important to embrace challenges rather than avoid them.

• People should focus on what they can control rather than what they can't and use adversity as an opportunity to learn and grow.

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Understanding Motivation

In this section, the speaker talks about his own experience with motivation and how he was able to understand it better.

The Goal Setting Trap

• The speaker sets a goal every year around February/March.

• The goal is to look good for summer, which is a measurable time frame.

• However, the motivation behind the goal is extrinsic and held within a time frame.

Extrinsic vs Intrinsic Goals

• Extrinsic goals are externally judged by the public and have a finish line.

• Intrinsic goals are internally motivating and have no finish line.

• When the speaker's extrinsic goal was fulfilled, his motivation disappeared.

Finding Intrinsic Motivation

• The speaker realized that he needed to re-anchor his motivation into things that were intrinsically motivating.

• He set himself the goal of going to the gym because it makes him feel great and gives him energy.

• Going to the gym also helps him overcome negative thoughts and has a positive impact on his sex life.

Consistency Over Intensity

• The speaker believes that consistency is more important than intensity when it comes to achieving long-term goals.

• Had he stayed in good shape throughout the year, he wouldn't need to be obsessive about dieting or working out intensely for short periods of time.

• Critical self-analysis is required to find intrinsic motivation.

Understanding the Driving Force Behind Your Behavior

In this section, the speaker talks about how most people are misguided or unconscious about their motivations and how it is important to have self-awareness and humility to identify why we do what we do.

The Importance of Knowing Your Motivations

• Most people are misguided or unconscious about their motivations.

• It is important to have self-awareness and humility to identify why we do what we do.

• If you don't know your motivations, you won't be in control of your life.

Journey Back to Human

In this section, the speaker talks about how modern lifestyle has led us away from our natural way of living and how it's time to turn back.

Going Back in Time

• Modern lifestyle has led us away from our natural way of living.

• Humans used to live in tribes and had a natural lifestyle that consisted of everything that therapists, nutritionists, mindset coaches, and psychologists preach about today.

• Based on the alarming growth in mental health conditions like depression anxiety addiction, it's time to turn back.

What Is a Human Being?

• The speaker ponders on what a human being is without social pressure and noise.

• He finds himself trawling through Google trying to understand humans.

Lack of Human Connection

• Lack of human connection is causing depression in many people.

• Humans used to live in tribes surrounded by family and friends.

• Studies show that people who don't establish meaningful relationships in their lives die earlier, get more sick, and have a worse quality of life.

Loneliness and the Pursuit of Wealth

In this section, the speaker talks about his pursuit of wealth and how it led to loneliness.

Pursuit of Wealth

• The speaker pursued wealth at the expense of everything else.

• He sacrificed everything for money and work.

• He mistakenly thought that if he got rich, everything else would fall into place.

Loneliness

• The speaker developed a habit of forced self-induced loneliness for about five to seven years.

• He felt lonely even though he had all the money he could ever need.

• Life is a multiplayer game, not a solo experience.

The Importance of Simplicity

In this section, the speaker reflects on the importance of simplicity in our lives and how it can help us find fulfillment.

The Simplicity of Our Ancestors

• Our ancestors lived simple lives as hunters and gatherers, focused on survival and taking care of each other.

• Their goals were intrinsic and survival-focused, unlike ours today which are often materialistic or status-driven.

• Simplifying our lives goes against society's expectations for career success, financial success, psychological perfection, physical fitness, social status, etc.

Escaping Complexity

• Living a simpler life is often prescribed by psychologists and therapists to improve mental health.

• Instead of simplifying our lives, we often burn ourselves out trying to achieve societal expectations and then escape on holidays to find simplicity.

• This level of obsessive perfectionism isn't conducive with simplicity in the world we live in today.

Finding Simplicity

• Introducing more simplicity into our daily routines can be beneficial. For example: going for walks instead of taking Ubers; playing with pets like dogs; spending time in nature.

• Nature has a calming effect on the mind and can help re-center our souls.

Exercise and Nutrition

• Our generation is the most inactive group of humans ever. We spend too much time sitting at desks staring at screens.

• We don't need to hunt and gather anymore like our ancestors did. However, exercise and nutrition were central parts of their lives that we should also prioritize.

Living Like Humans

In this section, the speaker talks about how humans have changed their way of living and how it affects their health. He also suggests ways to live a more human life.

Living like Lazy Gluttonous Gorillas

• The speaker talks about the gradual decline of human activity and its relation to obesity and sugar consumption.

• He suggests that living in accordance with our natural way of being is important for our well-being.

• The speaker recommends trying to live a little bit more human by practicing meditation, digital detoxes, healthy nutrition, therapy, friendships, and human connection.

Rediscovering Who We Are as Humans

• The speaker shares his personal experience of changing his lifestyle and how it fundamentally changed his life.

• He encourages listeners to try living a little bit more human if they are struggling in any way.

Humans Have No Idea What They Want

In this section, the speaker talks about how people often don't know what they want in life and how extrinsic motivation can lead to burnout.

Burnout from Extrinsic Motivation

• The speaker shares a story about his friend who was feeling burnt out despite having everything he thought would make him happy.

• He explains that when someone is motivated by external factors such as money or status rather than internal rewards like joy or fulfillment, they will inevitably lose motivation and struggle with burnout.

• The pandemic has robbed us of things that made work and our lives intrinsically enjoyable. As a result, many people are left with just the extrinsic stuff, which can make work feel meaningless.

Finding Intrinsic Motivation

• The speaker suggests that finding intrinsic motivation is key to avoiding burnout and feeling fulfilled in life.

• He emphasizes the importance of striving towards shared goals, being part of a team, and having a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

The Impact of Pandemic on Work-Life Balance

In this section, the speaker discusses how the pandemic has affected work-life balance and intrinsic motivation.

Work-Life Balance

• The pandemic has knocked our working lives out of balance.

• Lack of structure in our day results in long working hours, impacting sleep and causing burnout.

• Many people are experiencing burnout due to lack of motivation and purpose.

Intrinsic Motivation

• Without colleagues around us, we lack a sense of purpose and mission, leading to burnout.

• Our motivations tend to be similar as humans due to our psychological wiring.

• Companies that lose their intrinsic value may experience higher staff turnover as employees seek pay rises elsewhere.

Personal Experience

• The speaker's friend had a rough start to life that impacted his self-worth and made him insecure.

• Both the speaker and his friend have insecurities that drive them to show the world they are successful through material possessions.

The Dangers of Extrinsic Goals

In this section, the speaker discusses how focusing on extrinsic goals such as money, success, and status can lead to a lack of fulfillment and mental health issues.

Extrinsic Goals vs. Intrinsic Goals

• Focusing on extrinsic goals can lead to less joy, more despair, depression, anxiety, and a lack of purpose.

• Designing your life around extrinsic goals means you are missing out on meaningful relationships and hobbies that bring internal satisfaction.

• The speaker shares a personal anecdote about how achieving an extrinsic goal (buying a Range Rover) did not make him feel secure in himself but rather highlighted his insecurity.

Freelancer Depression

• The world glamorizes being your own boss and working as a freelancer but often fails to mention the downsides such as loneliness, lack of work-life balance, and no separation between work and personal life.

• The speaker coins the term "freelancer depression" to describe the mental health issues that can arise from working alone without intrinsic motivation.

Importance of Meaningful Work

• Working with people you love towards a shared meaningful purpose is what makes work fulfilling. Without it, even exciting opportunities like traveling for work can seem pointless.

Reflections on Career Change

In this section, the speaker reflects on his recent career change and how it has affected his perspective on work.

From Social Chain to Unemployment

• The speaker recently left his job at Social Chain and is currently unemployed.

• His assistant asks him if he misses the chaos of his old life, but he realizes that without a shared meaningful purpose, all the traveling and speaking engagements seem pointless.

Importance of Intrinsic Motivation

• The speaker's shift in perspective highlights the importance of intrinsic motivation in work. Working towards a shared meaningful purpose with people you love is what makes work fulfilling.

Finding Purpose in Work

In this section, Steven Bartlett talks about his experience as a consultant and how he lacked motivation to send an email that would make him 20k. He explains that extrinsic rewards like money were not enough to motivate him. He then reflects on his time at Social Chain and how having a sense of purpose helped him avoid burnout.

Lack of Motivation

• Steven Bartlett worked as a consultant for companies worldwide.

• Despite being able to make 20k by sending one email, he lacked the motivation to do so.

• Extrinsic rewards like money were not enough to motivate him.

• He realized that it was not a lack of motivation but rather a lack of purpose that stopped him from taking action.

Importance of Purpose

• When Steven started working at Social Chain, he had a sense of purpose and mission which motivated him.

• After leaving Social Chain, he felt detached from the purpose and mission which made his previous sacrifices seem pointless.

• Working with people you love towards a shared worthwhile goal is key to loving your work and avoiding burnout.

Making Decisions About Opportunities

In this section, Steven Bartlett talks about the challenge of deciding between good opportunities and great opportunities. He shares some insights on how he makes decisions based on his long-term values and goals.

Balancing Opportunities

• Steven is now unemployed but has many great opportunities in his inbox.

• He struggles with deciding which opportunities to take as he only has 24 hours in a day.

• He makes decisions based on whether the opportunity will move him closer or further away from his long-term goals and values.