Meg Jay: Essential questions to ask your future self | TED

Understanding the Empathy Gap

The Concept of the Empathy Gap

• Meg Jay introduces the empathy gap, explaining it as a reason for our lack of understanding towards people with different backgrounds or beliefs.

• This gap also affects our ability to care about future generations and issues like climate change, highlighting a disconnect in empathy.

Importance of Self-Reflection in Your 20s

• Jay emphasizes that her insights apply not only to those in their 20s but to everyone, noting that young adults are increasingly aware of the significance of this decade.

• She discusses how individuals often seek "right answers" regarding life choices, such as career and relationships, but stresses there are no definitive solutions—only personal ones.

Connecting with Your Future Self

Engaging with Future Perspectives

• Jay references philosopher Derek Parfit's idea that we neglect our future selves due to a failure of belief or imagination.

• Research indicates that young people view their future selves similarly to strangers, which complicates self-care and planning.

Closing the Empathy Gap

• By bridging this empathy gap between present and future selves, individuals can make more thoughtful decisions today for their well-being tomorrow.

• A study using virtual reality showed that participants who visualized their older selves were more likely to save for retirement than those who did not.

Defining Life's Moments by Age 35

Key Life Decisions

• Jay notes that approximately 85% of life's defining moments occur by age 35, prompting her clients to envision themselves at this age.

• She encourages them to visualize specific aspects of their lives at 35: career satisfaction, relationships, family dynamics, and overall happiness.

Reverse Engineering Goals

• Clients are asked reflective questions about their current situations and how they align with their envisioned futures.

• This process helps them understand what actions they need to take now to achieve desired outcomes later.

Courageous Conversations with Yourself

Asking Tough Questions

• Jay highlights the importance of asking challenging questions about current jobs or relationships and considering long-term implications.

• She asserts that many young adults welcome these tough discussions rather than fear them; they crave deeper conversations about significant life topics.

Broader Implications Beyond Youth

• The conversation shifts towards recognizing that these reflections on one's future self are valuable at any age.

Understanding Conversations with Our Future Self

The Importance of Future Conversations

• Individuals often reflect on their future, especially when considering significant life events like children's graduations. This reflection can guide personal priorities and relationships.

• A couple in therapy is preparing for their children leaving for college by ensuring their marriage remains strong, highlighting the importance of proactive relationship management as life changes.

• Personal reflections at different ages (e.g., 51 years old) prompt individuals to consider what they want to achieve in the remaining years of their careers, emphasizing ongoing self-dialogue.

Taking Action After Reflection

• After contemplating questions about one's future, it's crucial to determine actionable steps that align with those insights. This may vary based on individual goals and outcomes from self-reflection.

• Starting with practical tools like pencil and paper can help outline goals and track progress over time. Adjustments may be necessary as new priorities emerge during this process.

Establishing Accountability

• Regular check-ins are essential for maintaining alignment with one's goals. These could occur monthly, annually, or on significant dates like birthdays to ensure continued focus on personal aspirations.

• Engaging in a one-time conversation about future goals is insufficient; it should initiate an ongoing dialogue with oneself to foster accountability and commitment to those objectives.

Support Systems for Goal Achievement

• Sharing goals with friends, mentors, or through journaling can enhance accountability. This external support helps reinforce commitment to personal growth and development.